


Yours in Another Universe

by Anonymous



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: Alternate Timelines, Angst, Coming Out, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Smut, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Inevitability, Meta-AU, Multiverse, RA Tobin, Slow Burn, also definitely soccer AU, au au, no soccer AU, soccer player christen, soccer player tobin, some chrislex and talex but not enough to actually tag the ships
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-19
Updated: 2020-04-28
Packaged: 2021-03-12 19:01:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 51
Words: 59,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22796389
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Life is full of decisions; decisions that could possibly change everything. Still, some things seem inevitable. Like soccer scores and maybe even true love. Sometimes, though, it takes a little something extra to make sure that she's yours in every universe.AKA Tobin and Christen get to see what might have been and get to show each other what could be (even if it's only over email from another universe), or 3x the TH+CP.
Relationships: Tobin Heath/Christen Press
Comments: 295
Kudos: 379
Collections: Anonymous





	1. Raise your seat backs and tray tables

**Saturday August 18, 2007; Somewhere Above Florida **

“Ladies and gentlemen, we are now beginning our initial descent into the Jacksonville International Airport. The flight attendants will be coming around to collect any remaining service items. At this time, please power off any electronic devices you may have used during flight and raise all seatbacks and tray tables into their upright and locked position.”

The voice over the loudspeaker woke Christen Press from a trance she had not realized she’d entered. She’d been staring at the airplane magazine in front of her for, was it only a few minutes? Maybe a few hours? Either way, she had never turned the page from the table of contents.

She set the magazine into the seatback pocket in front of her and raised her tray table. She quickly downed her paltry cup of water and handed the cup to a passing flight attendant. She removed her earbuds, powered down her iPod Nano, and turned her gaze out the window to watch in silence as the ground drew nearer.

Christen felt a sickening tightness rise in her stomach as the landing gear engaged and the plane became engulfed in sound—she knew they were just becoming less aerodynamic, but she couldn’t help but feel like they were only fighting forces of nature that would ultimately prevail. She watched as the flaps on the airplane’s wings fluttered upward, taunting gravity, and thought of what it might be like if the tires on the airplane were all flat when they landed. Just steel and pavement and sparks and abrupt darkness.

The headline in the Peninsula might read “Running from her past, local girl decides to go too far away for college; pays the ultimate price.” _No, that was too long_. “Airplane malfunctions; Local girl dies on way to college.” _Closer_. “Girl you aimed to forget about is dead.” _Yeah_, _that one_.

Her parents would be sad, sure, but all she could think about was the face she saw at the beach last night. All she could wonder was whether that smug smile would turn into full-out laughter upon reading news of her untimely death.

She’s jarred from the thought as the plane lands forcefully on the tarmac, becomes awash with the deafening sound of Newton’s first law in action, and slows to a reasonable pace. She sighs, collects her thoughts, and waits for the fasten seatbelt sign to flicker off and confirm that she’s really making this mistake.

When she reaches baggage claim she’s greeted by a very different smile than the one burning in her brain; a warm, welcoming smile. Her new roommate, Julie, is there with a beautiful, colorful, poster board sign reading “Welcome to Florida, Christen Press!” The “ida” and the “ess” are a little smaller than the rest of the letters, suggesting that Julie didn’t pencil her idea before starting with a Sharpie. Christen doesn’t mind, though. She just laughs, smiles, and pulls the wonderful half-stranger in for a hug.

Julie and Christen had been emailing, chatting, and writing letters back and forth since they learned that they’d been matched as roommates. They were so excited to live together. And, after the stories some of their older friends told, they both felt so lucky to have been matched with someone who seemed at least somewhat normal.

Julie had insisted on picking Christen up from the airport. “You shouldn’t spend your first day here alone on a bus,” she’d told Christen. Christen eventually reluctantly agreed to Julie picking her up. She was pretty sure that the airport she picked was way out of Julie’s way, but she allowed herself to be convinced anyway. Deep down she worried she’d be homesick by the end of the flight. Plus, a bus ride through the backwoods of Florida in August sounded miserable.

Julie and Christen waited for Christen’s bags, exchanging awkward small talk. When the two large suitcases finally came around, each of the girls took one and walked to Julie’s car.

The first thing that hit Christen when she stepped outside was a wall of oppressive humidity and heat. The second thing that hit her was another realization that she’d really made this choice; she’d really abandoned everything and moved across the country. Nobody from her high school came here. They’d all gone to UCLA, Stanford, UC Riverside, or one of the local Cal State’s. Her knees felt a little weak, and she sighed. Julie gave her a worried look—_how could she know Christen so well already?—_Christen just smiled and said “The heat here is really different from California.” Julie smiled softly and just said “wait until you see the rain.”

“It doesn’t really rain in California” Christen pointed out.

“Exactly.” Julie said, with a wry, but loving, smile across her face.


	2. If I only had a key

By the time Christen and Julie got to their dorm, Christen felt like she’d sweat as much as she ever had at two-a-day summer practices. For some reason, the elevator in their dorm was out of order, so the girls had lugged both of Christen’s suitcases—everything she’d brought to college—up four flights of outdoor stairs. The heat seemed to become more and more oppressive at each landing.

When they got to their room, Julie lead Christen inside. Julie’s side was already set up: Neat and tidy with a few posters on the wall, some pictures of friends, and a bright floral-patterned duvet cover atop a down comforter folded pristinely over a set of white sheets.

“I hope you don’t mind that I already picked a side.” Julie said in a slightly concerned tone.

“Not at all! I prefer the right side anyway. It’ll let me sneak out to morning workouts without waking you.”

Julie pointed Christen down the hall to the center where residents were checking in and and then flopped down in her desk chair. Christen walked down the hall to where Julie pointed and was greeted by a girl dressed in a t-shirt and workout shorts.

“I’m Lauren Cheney, I’m one of your three RAs.”

“My what?” Christen asked.

“Resident Assistants. We’re here to help make your transition to college as smooth as possible. We live on the hall with you, coordinate hall activities, and are generally here as a resource to help you transition to college.”

“I’m Christen, Christen Press, Room 408, I think. With Ju—” Christen was cut off by a voice from behind her.

“We also enforce the dorm rules.”

“Yeah, right, Tobes.” Lauren quickly quipped.

Christen wasn’t sure if Lauren’s tone was playful or if Lauren really meant that this Tobes person was serious about enforcing rules. She turned to see the face of the perhaps-strict girl who’d been talking. When she did, she felt stunned (_just for a second_, she would later swear). The world got just a little brighter as her eyes met warm brown eyes and her pupils dilated. Were those eyes honey colored? No. Whiskey? Maybe. She settled on a mix of Gingerbread and Pecan. They were Christmas in the South.

The person she’d turned to was captivating. Christen wasn’t sure why, but she felt like she just wanted to look at this new girl, to listen to her, to walk around with her, to take up her time. The girl in front of Christen wore a slightly cocky smile—but it was not like the one Christen’d left behind—this one was soft and caring at the same time as it was self-assured. _Narcissists are immediately captivating,_ Christen mentally warned herself, _psychopaths, too._

Christen let her eyes shift downward, just for a moment, taking the whole girl in. She noticed the guitar draped between this new girl’s toned arms. Christen wondered whether the girl actually had talent, or if she was like so many of the waiters she’d worked with in high-school—millennials with too-supportive parents who thought they’d move out and make it in LA before abruptly discovering they were fine, but not great, at music. This Tobes girl _had a nice guitar, at least_, Christen mused.

Christen wasn’t a musician. Sure, she’d taken piano lessons for 10 years and sang in her high school choir, but she had enough sense to keep herself from dreaming. Her ex, however, was a musician and had a guitar of the same brand Tobes was holding. It cost like $2400 in lawn-mowing money and was definitely more important than Christen. She hadn’t even been allowed to touch it. She found herself feeling a sting of resentment rising toward the girl in front of her.

“I’m Tobin Heath.” The brown-eyed girl extended her hand. “One of your other RAs.”

“Tobin Heath, the bad cop, I take it? I’m Christen Press from 408.” she said extending her hand.

“That’s me” Tobin replied with a wide grin, reaching across her guitar. 

“As if!” Yelled a blonde woman approaching from behind Tobin with her hand extended. “Nice to meet you, I’m Amy Rodriguez, RA #3.” And, after a pause “Don’t let Tobin scare you. She’s more likely to make you drink the rest of your booze with her than to dump it down the sink.” Then she added with a wink, “particularly if you’re cute.”

Tobin rolled her eyes and elbowed Amy. Christen thought she noticed Tobin’s face turning a bit red. The RAs all started to laugh then, as if one of them had delivered some joke Christen failed to hear.

As she looked between the three chucking girls, she felt her entire body flush. She was embarrassed to be lost but still tied up in the group dynamic; she couldn’t tell if she was the butt of a joke, if her RA (_Amy was it?_) had just called her cute, or not cute, or who knows what. Christen looked down at her toes, cleared her throat awkwardly, and told the three girls that she did not yet have a key to her room.

Lauren found Christen’s name on a printed list, dug into filing bin, and passed her two keys in a small golden-yellow envelope: “One to your room, 408, and one to the outside door. The outside door locks at midnight. Make sure you have your key if you go out after that. If you have to call an RA more than once because you’re locked out, it’s a $15 fine each time.”

Lauren then handed Christen a paper to sign confirming she received her keys. Christen signed, thanked Lauren, and pushed her new keys onto her Yosemite key ring (_a piece of home_). She turned away from the three RAs and traced her prior steps back toward her door. As she walked away, she heard Amy yell, “There’s a mandatory hall meeting tonight at 6:30 tonight, just to go over all of the rules and stuff, and to prepare you for classes to start. See you there, Christen.” Christen turned around and waved “Okay. See you there.” She sighed to herself and wondered if there was any way they didn’t notice that she was totally awkward.


	3. Three times falling asleep

At the Hall meeting that night the RAs seemed like camp counselors to Christen. They were buzzing with energy; acting out scenarios, standing on tables, singing silly songs. Tobin’d even brought her guitar along and sang some jingle about their floor with everyone’s names in it. _She certainly isn’t a bad musician_, Christen thought passingly, _she is pretty cheesy, though_.

Christen tried her best to pay attention to the meeting, but even with the boundless energy her RAs brought, the content was rather dull. Christen was tired; her first flight had departed LAX almost 16 hours ago and at this point and she needed sleep. She leaned her head on Julie, who softened the angle of her shoulder for Christen. Christen surrendered to a wide yawn and closed her eyes.

The next thing Christen knew, Julie was poking her left arm gently and whispering for her to wake up. Their hallmates were scurrying out of their chairs clutching navy blue folders and making plans for breakfast in the morning. Christen yawned again and roused herself enough to walk out of the common room door. As she looked up to the front of the room she noticed Tobin’s brown eyes locked onto her—_shit, she’d been caught_.

_Oh well,_ Christen thought, _it’s not like they get to determine whether I get through college anyway_.

Christen and Julie made their way back to 408. Christen changed into her pajamas, brushed her teeth, and climbed into bed. She noticed Julie typing away on her cell phone before clapping it closed and plugging it in at her desk. She wondered what it might be like to have someone to text. It’s not that she had a cell phone—her parents wouldn’t let her get one unless she promised to pay the bill herself, and she had left her high school waitressing job to focus on soccer and getting good grades—_still_, she thought, _nobody would be texting me if I did._

Christen fell asleep that first night with both knots and butterflies in her stomach, thinking of two self-assured smiles. Conflating them in her head as she drifted to sleep; softening toward the older, steeling toward the newer.

* * *

“I think that went well.” Amy remarked to Lauren and Tobin as she walked around the common room picking up leftover flyers for on-campus events.

“I felt like an idiot.” Tobin humed quietly.

“Why?” Lauren asked.

“Because, we were like trying so hard and they were so bored. I swear I saw the girl from 421 girl roll her eyes. And, like…”

“You did not, Tobes.” Amy cut her off. “You’re just mad because the pretty girl fell asleep during your song about bringing in boys after hours.”

“What pretty girl?” Tobin questioned, hoping the tone of her voice would not betray that she knew EXACTLY which _pretty girl_.

“Please, Tobes” Lauren chimed in, “You were staring at miss 408-with-the-beautiful-eyes-from-California all night.”

“Christen.” Tobin quickly corrected (_before she could catch herself_).

Lauren and Amy looked at her with raised eyebrows, both biting their lips to suppress their grins and giggles.

“She’s our resident, guys. We’re not supposed to be, like, looking at them that way. I don’t even know if we’re allowed to add them on the Facebook or AIM.”

“Tobin,” Lauren spoke warmly, “First of all, you’re never online, so you don’t need to worry. I mean, Facebook dropped the “the” like a year ago.”

“Yeah, I and swear it’s said _NutmegHeath98 is idle _for at least five days” Amy added.

“Second,” Lauren continued, “don’t be so stressed! Of course we can be their friends. They’re only a year younger than us. HAO was our friend last year when she was our RA, wasn’t she?”

“I guess your right.” Tobin submitted. “But it’s not like HAO was checking us out. I’m not going to be creepy. I have a key to her door.”

“Speak for yourself, Tobin. Everyone checks me out.” Amy said flipping her hair and earning a laugh from Tobin, which somehow diffused Tobin’s budding discomfort.

The three finish gathering their things, say their goodnights, and head back to their rooms. They part just in front of Amy’s room in the center of the hall (422). Tobin heads to the East side of the hall (Room 411), and Lauren heads to the West side (Room 433).

Tobin unlocks her door, feeling somewhat foolish still, but determined to make the next hall meeting better, more fun, for everyone (_totally not just for Christen_).

As she gets ready for bed Tobin loses herself in thought. “_Christen is hot, sure. But there are lots of hot girls here. I’m just bein whack. Ugh, I don't know if I can pull off ‘whack.’ Maybe I can’t even pull of slang. I’ll try it with Amy tomorrow. _

_Yeah, and I’ll back off Christen. I don’t want to be creepy. No staring at her eyes tomorrow, Heath, you got it? _She promises herself.

_This is just a novelty crush, you’ll be over it soon. She doesn’t even like you. She falls asleep when you’re singing. She’s out of your league. She’s probably not even playing for the same team. _

Despite her internal promises, Tobin falls asleep picturing green eyes.


	4. The music

Things in her first fall semester move quickly for Christen. Before she knows it, she is cramming for exams and settled into a relatively unwavering routine. She is playing on the soccer team and has become a starter after only one game. Her teammate and captain, Kelley O'Hara, tells Christen she’s the best striker Kelley has ever seen.

The campus store even started selling jerseys with her name and number on them. By Julie’s count (_she stops by the store daily to count; and maybe to check out the cute attendant working there_), they’d sold at least two to people on campus. Christen felt both ecstatic and overwhelmed that people unrelated to her have her name on their backs.

Christen and Julie started to become great friends. They both felt so happy to _actually_ like one another. Their suitemates—the people they share a bathroom with (_and nothing more, thank god_)—however, fight constantly. And loudly. Julie and Christen had even taken to yelling mundane things at one another in hopes that that their suitemates would realize just how thin the walls actually are.

“I’M HEADING TO PRACTICE, SEE YOU AFTER!”

“WILL YOU PASS ME THE DUNKAROOS? NOT THOSE, THE SPRINKLE ONES.”

“DO YOU THINK OF THE COLOR BLACK AS THE ABSENCE OF LIGHT OR THE PRESENCE OF ALL COLORS?”

Christen and Julie found themselves talking to each other about everything: courses, grades, the guy with the strong jaw who works in the campus store, RA Amy’s surprisingly emo Xanga. They would go to the dining hall together almost every night, attend the same on-campus events. And, each Sunday that Christen didn’t have a game they’d spread out Julie’s red-and-blue-checkered picnic blanket in the corner of the quad with the stated goal of reading for class that week (_even if they sometimes would just lie with their books open and talk_).

Christen decorated her side of the room with the few things she had: the poster Julie made to pick her up at the airport, a pennant she won in a raffle at orientation, a few pictures of her family, a simple pink and orange comforter/sheet set that she bought during their first trip to WalMart, and discarded flyers for the team’s soccer games. She lights her side of the room with a turquoise hand-me-down desk lamp that a junior was giving away for free over the campus email listserv. In her nightstand she kept the letters she got from her sisters.

You see, Christen loves mail (_snail mail if ya nasty _she’d sometimes joke). She thinks the art of constructing a proper letter is being lost to email. So, she has always tried to write a letter to someone at least once a week. She writes them with intention and in perfect handwriting as if she is using a computer with a Christen Press handwriting font. She decorates the outsides with little doodles and traces over the names and addresses until they look elegant and important. The stamp she chooses has meaning—it is always a reference to something she and the recipient share. Well, it always was, anyway.

Since moving to college, Christen’d been too busy to keep up with writing letters. At least that’s what she told herself. She refused to dwell on the fact that she would probably only be sending mail to her family anyway. She doesn’t let herself think about how alone she would be had she stayed in her hometown. She just thinks about how she is too busy to write more than one letter to each of her two sisters once a month.

The nice thing is, they always write back, sometimes twice.

When she’s in her dorm Christen often uses the doorstop the university provided to prop open her door while she studies. A lot of girls on the hall prop their doors open. It helps everyone feel less alone in this new place. People wander in and out of each other’s rooms saying hi, making small talk, sharing campus gossip, inquiring about homework. It’s lovely, their community. Christen certainly loves when people stop by. When she interacts with her hallmates she feels less like she’s 2,128.94 Euclidean miles from home.

The RAs always seem to have their doors propped open, too. Unless they are out of the building, sleeping, or having a private moment of some kind, their doors are open. Lauren told Christen early in the semester that the RAs did it to help build a sense of community and to make residents feel like they could reach out. To Christen, though, the real benefit of the RA open-door policy is _the music_. If she were placed under oath, she might admit that _the music_ is the only reason she really ever props her own door open.

You see, sometimes, in the afternoons, when sleep and studying are unlikely to be much of a problem, Tobin will lightly strum her guitar and sing in a voice barely above a whisper. Her playing can almost be background music—the song they play over the in-flight stereo, the music in the elevator, the ballad in the background of coffee shop conversation. Still, when Tobin plays, Christen listens intently.

Their doors are catty corner from one another’s and if Christen sits on the left side of her desk she feels like Tobin is right by her. The sound carries perfectly across the hall, through Christen and Julie’s entryway and hits her ears as if the music was meant for her alone. Sometimes listening feels almost meditative. It’s perfect.


	5. The email she sent

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here goes nothing. Stay with me, I promise it'll be worth it.

It’s October 3 when Christen decides to email Tobin to complain about her suitemates. She’s listening to Tobin play and doesn’t want to interrupt her by going across the hall. Plus, she decides, it might be good to establish a paper trail about the issue.

* * *

_Email To: Tobin Heath <heatht@ufl.edu>  
_ _From: Christen A. Press <pressc@ufl.edu>_

_Dear Tobin, _

_Christen here, from 408. I’m writing today because Julie and I have reached a breaking point with our suitemates. They are very disrespectful of the bathroom common space, often leaving it extremely messy and inaccessible. _

This morning the bathroom door was locked for four hours. When Christen finally got in she found two USED condoms and broken glass on the floor. She decides not to tell Tobin about this incident, specifically, but knows she will bring it up if the suitemates push back.

_I am wondering if there is any mediation available either through you, the other RAs, or perhaps the dean of students. I do not want to get anyone in trouble here, I just think that our current situation is not working out. _

_Sincerely,  
_ _Christen A. Press_

* * *

She shows the email to Julie before pressing send.

Within five minutes, Christen’s inbox dings indicating a response. Christen didn’t think she heard Tobin stop playing during that time, but maybe she was distracted. When she reads the response, though, she immediately is immediately befuddled.


	6. Maybe you're confused

_Email To: Christen A. Press <pressc@ufl.edu>  
_ _From: Tobin Heath <heatht@ufl.edu>_

_Hi Christen, _

_I’m not sure how to answer this email.  
_ _This is Christen Press, the Governor’s daughter, right? If so, I think maybe you’re a bit confused. _ _I live in room 408 with Kelley. You live in room 411 with Alyssa. Who’s Julie?_

_Also, I’m not the RA. Ashlynn is. She lives in 415, if you need to find her. _ _Also, we have communal showers. I was just in there and they’re totally clean._

_I’m sure Ashlynn will be able to help you with whatever issue you’re having, I know first year can be hard.  
_ _…but are you okay? _

_Not to be creepy but I saw in the news about the accident. Did you hit your head? Are you having memory problems? I came over and knocked on your door to check on you, but you didn’t answer. I’ll try again later. Will you stop by if you get this and let me know you’re okay?_

_Your Neighbor,_

_TH_

* * *

When Christen reads Tobin’s response she’s perplexed. She disconnects her laptop from its various plugs and brings it over to Julie to view.

“Weird. Do you think there’s another Tobin Heath at this school or something? Maybe you sent it to the wrong email address.” Julie ponders, trying to make sense of the situation.

“And another Christen Press? Whose mom ran for Governor and won at the same time my mom ran and lost to Arnold Schwarzenegger? It seems really unlikely. And, this other Christen Press who knows this other Tobin Heath was in an accident?”

“We should at least look on Facebook and google it.” Julie suggests.

Christen returns to her desk, plugs the ethernet cable back into her laptop, and starts to search. A search on Facebook only shows one Tobin Heath at her school, and she lists “Residence Life” in her job and has Tobin’s picture.

Google turns up a host of headlines that Christen was not expecting.

_The Future of Women’s Football is Tobin Powell Heath  
_ _New Jersey Native, Tobin Heath, Commits to UCLA for Soccer  
_ _UCLA Withdraws Offer For Top Soccer Recruit Tobin Heath  
_ _Amid Personal Turmoil, Tobin Heath Steps off U-20 USWNT  
_ _Will Heath Ever Play Soccer Again?  
_ _Former Soccer Star Heath to Attend UF on Academic, not Athletic, Scholarship _

Christen begins to feel like she may be invading Tobin’s privacy.

The results for her are about the same. There is only one Christen Press on Facebook at the university. When she googles her name all of the articles are about her or her family: her soccer career, her success at the National Model UN competition, her status as a top soccer recruit to UCLA (the year after Tobin), her decision to accept a soccer scholarship at Florida, her mom’s failed bid for governor, and, of course, the articles blaming Christen for that failure.

She shuts her laptop abruptly, “Maybe I should just go over and talk to Tobin.”


	7. to their full upright and locked position.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're totally confused and would like not to be, there's a link to follow at the end of this chapter.

**Saturday August 18, 2007; Somewhere Above California **

“Ladies and gentlemen, we are now beginning our initial descent into the Los Angeles International Airport. The flight attendants will be coming around to collect any remaining service items. At this time, please power off any electronic devices you may have used during flight and raise all seatbacks and tray tables into their upright and locked position.”

Tobin downed the water she had left, shoved the cup into her backpack, and powered down her iPod classic. After the flight attendants took their seats, she stretched her legs into the aisle and closed her eyes as the plane descended.

She awoke a few minutes later to the ding of the fasten seatbelt sign turning off and people gathering their belongings. She’d missed the landing altogether.

Tobin made her way up the jetway, across the lobby, and down the escalator toward baggage claim.

“TOBITO BURRITO MY FAVORITE GIRL TO GREET-O.” A familiar voice shouted as Tobin came into view.

Tobin flashed a wide smile and embraced her roommate as she jumped with her full body into Tobin’s arms.

“How was summer, bro?” her roommate asked, still wrapped around Tobin.

“It was awesome, dude. There’s this totally new state-of-the-art training facility right by my parents’ house. The guy there is so awesome and helped me focus so much.”

“Of course your first report from the summer is how you out-trained me.”

“What? Football is who I am. Did you expect me to spend all my time at Coney Island or something?”

“Of course not! I did expect you had, like, gone into the city to find adventure, and friends, and loooove.” the girl winked at Tobin. “You barely texted me.”

“Well, I only have 200 texts a month and when I text you you always text me back like five times. Plus, you said you don’t have cell service at your parents’ place!” Tobin defended.

“Whatever, you ignored me all summer so that means I get three full best friend days of my choosing this quarter.”

“Fine, but not until the quarter starts. For now, we need to get back into the swing of football.”

“God, why can’t UCLA just be on semesters like regular schools?” the girl begged “Oh well, us being here over a month early just means you get more QKOT!”

“What's cue cot?”

“It stands for Quality Kelley O’Hara Time!” Kelley exclaimed. Tobin shook her head and chuckled.

After a few minutes of catching up and hearing all about Kelley’s Georgia summer, Tobin finally saw her suitcase circling the baggage belt. She grabbed the large bag and proceeded to follow Kelley to her truck.

* * *

Kelley pulled out of the LAX short-term parking lot and made her way to the 405. It took them 38 minutes to travel the 13 miles to their dorm. When they arrived, campus was quiet. They took the elevator to the fourth floor and walked down the hall to room 408. Tobin pulled out her key, unlocked the door, and sighed out “home sweet home.”

Kelley pulled two beers out of their mini fridge, popped the tops on both, and handed one to Tobin.

“Wasting no time, I see, O’Hara.”

“Would you expect anything less?”

Tobin accepted the beer and sat down on their futon spreading her legs wide apart. She propped her left foot up on one of the crates they used as a coffee table and allowed her body relax.

_It felt good to be back_.

The university had allowed Tobin and Kelley to stay in the same dorm room between their first and second years. Both girls were from out of state, so UCLA was offering them storage anyway. And, student athletes had to be back on campus at various times throughout the summer for kids sports camps and training, so they were all provided summer residences. The dorm they were in allowed freshmen and sophomores, so Kelley and Tobin just thought it would be easiest to stay in place. They were supposed to move to a different dorm for the summer but after some signature Kelley begging with a side of Tobin smile, the administration finally agreed to let them keep all of their stuff exactly as it was in their room.

Tobin looked at the space around her, it represented her and Kelley so well. She took a deep breath of the UCLA dorm air and smiled, feeling at home for the first time in a while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If it doesn't make sense now, hopefully it'll all become clearer to you soon. 
> 
> Here are a couple of hints: 1) Multiverse   
2) if that doesn't mean anything to you you can either:  
a) ride the wave until around Chapter 20/23, when it'll be explained to T+C  
b) go to   
https://ijustcrushalot.tumblr.com/post/191001681000/please-could-you-explain-the-fic-i-understood-it   
where I've tried to lay it out a bit for folks
> 
> \---
> 
> Thank you for the hits, kudos, comments, and subscribes. I hope you're enjoying!
> 
> By the way, someone told me I should make a tumblr so people can ask me questions. So, I did. I'm at ijustcrushalot. Talk to y'all soon!


	8. I'd move right in.

Soccer training started out brutally with two-a-day practices plus a third session of strength and conditioning. The Lady Bruins didn’t have anywhere to be on campus until the end of September, so Coach Ellis, demanded a lot from them.

The team had always loved this time, though, when the campus felt like it was theirs and theirs alone. No classes, no frat parties, no crowd. The only people wandering the campus were athletes and pale exhausted graduate students who looked like they hadn’t even realized a summer break was underway.

It was a great time for team bonding. Everyone on the team ate together, shopped together, watched movies together. They were much more cohesive as a unit because they didn’t have the normal distractions of higher education that their competitors faced in August.

By the time September 22 hit, they were on a roll. The team only had one loss (to the University of Texas) and were and clicking together better than they ever had. That Friday night they celebrated the end of their time alone on campus sitting on the front porch of a house a bunch of the (wealthier) girls rented together just off campus. They sang, drank, and played truth or dare.

The night found Tobin leaning against a pillar on the porch, her second beer almost empty, cheeks hurting from laughing with her teammates.

Sydney had just returned from completing her dare: going inside to her computer and setting her Myspace background music to be Hillay Duff’s _Come Clean_ and changing her AIM away message to “Hillary Duff is my Metamorphosis.” She was eying all the girls, looking for a perfect victim. Her eyes lit up as she caught Tobin’s.

“Truth” Tobin picked when Sydney offered her the option.

“Damn, I was really hoping I could get you to go streak the boys Friday night practice with Kelley. Oh well. Let me think…” her eyes lit up “Who do you have a crush on right now?”

Tobin felt the heat creeping up her face. She didn’t really have a crush right now, but there was someone this summer, back home. Someone with soft hands, an athletic frame, and a penchant for breathlessly begging for more_._ Someone who still occupied Tobin’s thoughts in the haze just after sleep—_you know—_the point just before one can be rational.

“Well, um—nobody really right now. There was someone back home this summer—she was… wow” Tobin put her hands up in front of herself and raised her eyebrows mimicking a look of surprise and pleasure “—but we kind of mutually agreed that distance wouldn’t work. We just did our thing and now I’m here, crushless.”

“Ooo”s and “ow ow”s rang out across the porch.

“Girl, deets!” Sydney replied.

“You only get one truth!” Tobin replied inciting a chorus of boos as she stood up to go inside and grab another beer. “You can have my turn, though, Syd.” Before she headed inside she shook her bottle around and held it in the air asking “Anyone need another?”

* * *

The next morning was move-in day in Tobin and Kelley’s dorm. New residents and their parents packed the hall as volunteers tried to help direct everyone to the right place. Tobin and Kelley stood in their doorway eating protein bars and watching the new locals arrive.

They saw a few people they knew, who gave them sweaty hugs and asked them about their summers. The new goalkeeper, Alyssa, was rooming catty corner from them in 311. At some point she asked Tobin and Kelley to come over and help her figure out where to put a couple of pictures, and they obliged.

Just as they’d finished placing the command strip hooks in exactly the right place, someone else entered the room. Well, actually, several someones else.

Tobin first turned around to find very fit men in suits crowding the entryway. One of them had an earpiece in and Tobin couldn’t help but think he was some kind of Secret Service agent. It turned out to be partially true. After the two men loudly said “CLEAR,” in walked a girl about Tobin’s age flanked by—

“Governor Press! Madam Governor!” Kelley exclaimed. “I voted for you! First female governor of California! Oh my god, I’m standing in the presence of greatness!”

The Governor chuckled and said “Call me Stacy. Which of you three is Alyssa?”

Alyssa raised her hand and extended it to shake the Governor’s heartily “Me. I didn’t realize when it said “Press” it meant, like, you Press.”

The governor’s daughter stood to the side as Kelley and Alyssa stared at her mom and poured out praise. She wasn’t sure anyone had actually noticed her until she looked behind the two girls and found a third girl sitting on her roommate’s bed offering her a small smile.

In that moment Tobin could have sworn the world went silent. Had there been an explosion? She could hear her pulse pumping in her ears, and in the distance, Kelley enthusiastically discussing something. What was she discussing? She was lost in the eyes of the girl across from her. Someone Press? All Tobin could tell was that her eyes were green. No, that wasn’t descriptive enough. They were a mossy hazel color, something between green and brown and blue. Forrest green, Tobin decided. Like _her eyes held all of nature_.

Before Tobin could stare for too long, two other people, who Tobin assumed were the new girl’s dad and sister entered the room carrying more boxes. The girl directed them where to put the boxes down prompting Kelley to realize that she had completely failed to notice the person actually moving in.

“Oh my word, where are my manors? I’m Kelley O’Hara, I play soccer with your roommate Lyss here. Oh, and Tobin over here, too. We live across the hall” she stated matter-of-factly while extending her hand in greeting.

“Christen Press. And this is my Dad, Cody, and my sister, Tyler. And, well, you know my mom.”

“Soccer, that’s nice Chrissy!” Christen’s dad mused.

Everyone exchanged handshakes. When Tobin touched Christen’s hand, she shook it up an down an extra few times—just for good measure, _to be welcoming_.

After some brief conversation, Tobin and Kelley made their way back across the hall, leaving the Press family to help Christen unpack.

“Earth to Tobin” Kelley snapped her fingers in front of Tobin’s face when they got inside their room.

“What? I’m here.”

“See something you like over there?” Kelley nodded her head in the direction of the hall with a smirk.

“What are you talking about, Kelley?”

“Christen. You were staring, bro. The actual first female governor of this state was in the room and you barely gave her a passing glance.”

“I was not staring.”

“Yeah, yeah, you were. Your tongue was hanging out of your mouth and you was swoooninn.”

“Don’t quote the Sandlot at me. I am not Squints to Christen’s Wendy Peffercorn! You’re definitely the Yeah Yeah to my Benny Rodriguez, though. I’ve got all of the talent and will go pro. You need to be shipped off to military school.”

“I’m okay with that. Yeah Yeah invents bungee jumping. But, the main point is that you agree that Christen’s the hot character in your movie." She said definitively.

Tobin rolled her eyes and punched Kelley in the shoulder before taking out her phone pretending to become enraptured in a game of Snake. As the pixelated line grew longer, Tobin found herself trying more and more to be ignore the multitude of things she felt as she thought of the new girl across the hall.


	9. but she’s living my dream.

After Christen’s family finished bringing up all of her boxes they said their goodbyes and left with the body guards.

Alyssa turned to Christen: “Hey, do you want to get some dinner before this mandatory hall orientation meeting?”

“Sure!” Christen replied with a smile. “I’m starving. Should we invite your friends from across the hall? What were their names again?”

“Kelley and Tobin.”

“Right! Should we invite them?” Christen’s heart started to speed up thinking about Tobin shaking her hand. She really held on for a long time. Maybe Tobin was into girls. Even if not, Christen’d wouldn’t mind looking at her some more, hearing her talk, looking into her eyes.

“Nah, as you can tell Kelley can be a little—how do I put this delicately?—chaotic. Tobin is chill, but I’m afraid Kell would spend the whole time asking you about your mom. And, I’d like to get to know my new roommate! We can definitely see if they want to hang after the hall meeting though.”

“Cool.”

When the two girls left the room, Christen caught Alyssa making a cautious exit looking both ways. She turned to Christen as if she was about to ask a question but couldn't form the words.

“Don’t worry,” Christen assured her, “no bodyguards or any official state people in our lives. They’re only around when my mom is, which I really don’t expect to be much. They have a couple of people with that kind of clearance in the campus police department because a few politician’s and diplomats kids go here. But, they’ll only come around if there’s a threat or something big happens.”

“Oh good, I was worried they were going to follow me around and charge me with underage drinking when I go to the soccer house.”

“Ha! No. Nothing like that,” Christen grinned at the thought of her mom’s security tailing her roommate, “since you already seem to be settled in, do you know how to get to the dining hall?”

“Sure, follow me!”

The two girls talked about where they grew up, their sisters, what high school was like. Conversation felt a bit stilted at first, but eventually flowed. Christen found herself feeling lucky that Alyssa was her roommate. Alyssa seemed calm and rational. She seemed like someone you could depend on in a crisis. In some ways, she seemed like exactly what Christen needed in a friend and roommate.

As they were walking back to the dorms they passed a poster for the upcoming women’s soccer game.

“Hey, isn’t that Tobin?” Christen asked pointing at the figure taking up most of the flyer.

“Yeah, she’s basically our star. She’s been called up to the U-16, U-18, and U-20 national teams, and there are rumors she’s going to get called up to the senior team for the Olympics this year.”

“Wow. I always hoped I’d be called up to the national teams, but the phone never rang. She’s like living my dream.”

“Wait,” Alyssa pressed, sounding excited “you play soccer?”

“Yeah!” Christen responded smiling widely before her face fell “well, I did. I was pretty serious about it. I even played in the youth national championships and won the Golden Boot. I had a couple of scholarship offers but” She gave a long pause before continuing, “but that was then and this is now. College soccer just wasn’t in the cards for me.”

“So, you’re like a goal scorer? This is amazing! Will you take shots at me so I can practice in goal? I really want to make the starting squad by next year, but I need a lot of practice.”

Christen nodded shyly “sure, maybe sometime next quarter. I’m taking a break from soccer for a while right now.”

Alyssa nodded in understanding and placed a hand on Christen’s shoulder, “oh, sorry. I didn’t mean to pressure you to like do something you didn’t want to. It’s totally okay.”

Christen shrugged and softly assured Alyssa “someday, I promise, we’ll do it.” Then she thought to herself _if I can ever take the pitch without thinking of *her* and how it all fell apart again. _


	10. makes me fall, despite my best efforts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can find me on tumblr: iJustCrushALot I'll be posting some visual and audio aids (to help some imagine and others feel nostalgic). I'll also provide some comments on some choices I've made in writing.

At the hall meeting that night, their RA, Ashlynn went over all of the dorm rules. Ashlynn warned them all not to smoke _anything_ in their rooms and told them about the dorm quiet hour policy. She also let them know that they were only allowed to have “gentlemen callers,” as she put it, on Saturday nights until 2am. Other than that, no boys were allowed past 11pm quiet hours.

Christen listened intently, following along with the handouts Ashlynn provided. At some point she looked over to see Tobin asleep on Kelley’s shoulder. She thought about how even in her limited experience with the girl, she’d pegged Tobin as exactly like the kind of person who would fall asleep during meetings like this. Normally, that kind of person would drive her nuts, but for some reason she found it charming in Tobin. Maybe it was the way she just looked cozy, like her whole personality was a blanket wrapped around you at the beach while the sun set.

When the meeting ended, Christen told Alyssa she was too tired to have guests over. She went back to their room to try to finish arranging her stuff. As she did, tried to shake the longing that was forming. _Remember what she said, Chris. _She chastised herself. _You have to wait until at least 2010. If you must do it, though, you can’t go after someone who can’t keep it quiet. This girl wouldn't be able to keep it quiet. She is like legitimately famous. She’s going to be in the Olympics. Plus, she’s way hotter and more talented than you. She’s actively living your dream life. She’s probably not even into girls. God, can you imagine how much worse that would be? You’ve got to stop._

Despite her internal promises, Christen falls asleep picturing pecan colored eyes and tan skin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope y'all are enjoying this. Let me know if you have any thoughts in the comments or message/ask me on tumblr iJustCrushALot


	11. starts this whole mess.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's get these two back in touch. See the end for a link to an outline of the timeline up until now.

On October 3 Tobin is sitting in her room in between classes when her computer dings to indicate she has a new email. As she sits down, her heart starts to beat faster when she sees “Christen Press” in the sender line. But when she opens it, she finds her excitement shift toward worry.

* * *

_Email To: Tobin Heath <heatht@ucla.edu>  
_ _From: Christen A. Press <pressc@ucla.edu>_

_Dear Tobin, _

_Christen here from 408. I’m writing today because Julie and I have reached a breaking point with our suitemates. They are very disrespectful of the bathroom common space, often leaving it extremely messy and inaccessible. _

_I am wondering if there is any mediation available either through you, the other RAs, or perhaps the dean of students? I do not want to get anyone in trouble here, I just think that our current situation is not working out. _

_Sincerely,  
_ _Christen A. Press_

* * *

Tobin ponders what’s going on for a moment. Could there be another Christen Press or another Tobin Heath? Had the university assigned Christen’s name to the wrong email address?

She does a quick google search for Christen and is met with a flood of articles.

_The Pride of PV Soccer: Christen Press  
_ _Christen Press wins Golden Boot at National Championships  
_ _Stacy Press Makes Bid for Governor, Family by Her Side  
_ _Press Deciding Between Recruitment Offers from Stanford, UNC, UF, Others  
_ _Christen Press, Daughter of Gubernatorial Hopeful Involved in Car Accident  
_ _Daughter of Gubernatorial Hopeful in Car Wreck; Possibly with Female Lover  
_ _Is the Daughter of the Democratic Gubernatorial Hopeful Gay?  
_ _Can a Democrat Win if She Takes a Stance Gay Marriage?  
_ _Press Daughter attends Prom with Boy, Seen Wearing Ring  
_ _“My Daughter is not Gay” Says Gubernatorial Hopeful Stacy Press  
_ _Press Daughter, Embroiled in Public Controversy, Loses Scholarship Offers  
_ _Stacy Press Becomes First Female CA Governor with Her Family by Her Side  
_ _Highlighting Press Commitment California Public Education, Governor’s Daughter to Attend UCLA_

_Oh wow_, Tobin thinks. She is suddenly blushing feeling like she’s been reading the secret diary entries of a new friend. _She must be stressed, maybe she’s not okay, maybe she hit her head in this crash. I should check on her. _

Tobin quickly stands up and makes her way across the hall. Alyssa and Christen’s door is shut. She knocks a few times and tries to listen for signs of life on the other side. When she hears none, she wonders where Christen is. _Is she confused and alone somewhere?_ She returns to her desk and quickly types back an email.

* * *

_Email To: Christen A. Press <pressc@ucla.edu>  
_ _From: Tobin Heath <heatht@ucla.edu>_

_Hi Christen, _

_I’m not sure how to answer this email. _

_This is Christen Press, the Governor’s daughter, right? If so, I think maybe you’re a bit confused._

_ I live in room 408 with Kelley. You live in room 411 with Alyssa. Who’s Julie?_

_Also, I’m not the RA. Ashlynn is. She lives in 415, if you need to find her._

_Also, we have communal showers. I was just in there and they’re totally clean._

_I’m sure Ashlynn will be able to help you with whatever issue you’re having, I know first year can be hard._

_…but are you okay? _

_Not to be creepy but I saw in the news about the accident. Did you hit your head? Are you having memory problems? I came over and knocked on your door to check on you, but you didn’t answer. I’ll try again later. Will you stop by if you get this and let me know you’re okay?_

_Sending Love,  
_ _TH_

* * *

She reads over it one more time, replaces “Sending Love” with “Your Neighbor” and presses send. She waits a couple of minutes for Christen to reply and then decides she better go out looking for her.

She types out a text to Kelley: “got weird email 4rm christen. She sounds confused. U have her #?”

And then to Alyssa: “U w Christen?”

_Why does it take SO LONG to type texts? T9 was supposed to make this easier!_

When she doesn’t hear back for a few minutes she heads to the library. _There is definitely internet in the library_, Tobin reasoned, _Christen might be there_. She searches everywhere in the library closest to their dorm but has no luck. When she steps back outside, her phone notifies her of a text.

Alyssa Naeher #1: “Yah, n our rm. Why?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know if you have any thoughts in the comments or message/ask me on tumblr iJustCrushALot
> 
> Update: Someone asked for an overview of the timeline. I've tried to lay it out here:  
https://ijustcrushalot.tumblr.com/post/190991360365/can-you-explain-the-later-chapters-getting


	12. there was an accident, after all.

Tobin rushes back to the dorm and knocks on the door room 411. Alyssa answers and Tobin peers over her shoulder.

In between breaths she asks, “Hey, Chris, did you get my email?”

“No.” Christen looked confused. “What email?” She stood and walked toward her desk to look at her computer. Tobin’s rushed breathing was making this email seem urgent.

“Well, I responded to yours as fast as I could. You just sounded a little confused. I just wanted to make sure you’re doing alright. Is your head okay? Are you stressed?”

“Tobin, I didn’t send you any email and I don’t have one from you. And, I’m fine. Just studying with Lyss.”

“Yeah, you did email me. It came from your name and pressc@ucla.edu. That’s you right?”

“Yeah. Do you think someone like hacked my email? What did it say?”

“I guess that makes sense…” Tobin said, calming for a moment “it was an email written to me telling me that you and some girl named Julie needed help with your suitemates and your private bathroom— neither of which you have. You seemed to think I was an RA.”

“What a weird thing for an email hacker to send!” Alyssa chimed in, and then in an attempt to add levity, “Who’s Julie? Do you have a secret second roommate, Press?”

Christen smiled slightly though the marks of worry had not left her brow. “I don’t know a Julie. So, I didn’t even tell you I was a Nigerian price and ask you for money?” she chuckles, “It doesn’t sound like I was hacked. Maybe the lines got crossed in the system or something.”

“I don’t know, Chris, you called me Tobin and signed it Christen A. Press_._”

_Fuck, _Christen thought then, _is someone targeting me?_

“I saw something about your accident online and I worried that—”

“You WHAT?” Christen’s voice is loud with a mix of panic, anger, and embarrassment.

“I, uh, sorry, I was just trying to figure out if there was someone else with your name and—” Tobin stutters out.

“What accident? Chris?” Alyssa asks, turning to face her roommate, looking concerned.

“It’s nothing. Just something that happened in high school that a bunch of conservative reporters tried to turn against my mom while she was running. It’s nothing. Really, nothing. I swear. No big deal.” Christen asserts and assures as if someone has her shackled in an interrogation room. Inadvertently, this makes both Tobin and Alyssa worry more.

“Okay, I’m sorry.” Tobin says hanging her head. _You just had to go and shoot off your big mouth, Tobin._

“Whatever, I’m going to send you an email right now. See if it comes to you?”

Christen types heatht@ucla.edu and nehera@ucla.edu into the “to” line, adds “Test” to the subject line types the words “does this work?” in the body. She then presses send.

Immediately Alyssa’s computer notifies them of an incoming email. “Works for me.”

“Let me go check” Tobin announces as she turns into the hallway. Sure enough when she arrives the message from Christen is there. She replies all simply adding “Yep!”

When she returns to 411 Christen and Alyssa have her email.

“Huh, that’s weird” Christen ponders allowed, “maybe I’ll take it over to I.T. later this afternoon”

Tobin feels her body relax. Christen seems calmer now, she doesn’t seem to be holding the mentioning of the accident against Tobin. “Yeah, good idea. Okay, you have a good time studying.”

As she turns to go she hears Christen calling after her “Wait, Tobin, you said you replied earlier. Why didn’t I get that one?”

“I don't know. Do you want me to reply to that same email again?”

“Huh. Yeah, maybe so.”

“Okay, I’ll just go send a test email right now.”

Tobin returns to her dorm and presses reply to the earlier email.

* * *

_Email To: Christen A. Press <pressc@ucla.edu>  
_ _From: Tobin Heath <heatht@ucla.edu>_

_Christen? Testing 1, 2, 3. Is that you? _

_TH_

* * *

The email moves to her outbox and then to her sent folder. She leans out her door and yells across the hall “Did ya get it, Chris?”

Christen emerges from her room with a curious look and a raised eyebrow. “No. Are you sure you sent it?”

“Yeah, come look.”

Christen follows Tobin into her room and hovers over Tobin’s shoulder while Tobin sits down and clicks her sent folder. Tobin cannot help but feel the exact distance between them. Christen is in her space. Her arm burns where Christen hovers inches beside it.

They’ve never been this close. Not even when they shook hands. Christen’s face is just to her left—her gaze directed exactly where Tobin’s is. If Tobin turned, her nose would brush Christen’s cheek. Her skin tingles. She subtly pushes down the sleeves of her hoodie to hide her goosebumps.

“Huh, the two emails definitely look the same.” Christen speaks, disrupting Tobin’s train of thought. “Weird.”

“I guess you really should go to I.T. Maybe sooner than later?” Tobin suggests before promptly cursing herself for the suggestion as Christen agrees and removes herself from Tobin’s side.

But Christen was magnetic; Tobin needed to be close again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know if you have any thoughts in the comments or message/ask me on tumblr iJustCrushALot


	13. Maybe you should get help

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally back to the sunshine state.

**October 3, 2007; Gainesville, Florida**

Christen walked across the hall to Tobin’s room and knocked lightly as she stepped in.

Tobin stopped her strumming and looked up at Christen with a smile “Hey, sorry, am I being too loud?”

“No, nothing like that. I just got your reply to my email and I’m a little confused.”

“What email? What reply?” Tobin asked, looking genuinely confused.

Christen passingly wondered then if Tobin suffered from dissociative identity disorder. She’d learned about it in her introductory psychology class a few weeks prior. It was a pretty rare disorder, but could happen to even neurotypical people when people experienced a lot of trauma. Maybe something traumatic had happened to Tobin. Maybe that’s what the “_Amid Personal Turmoil, Tobin Heath Steps off U-20 USWNT” _headline meant.

“Yeah, I, uh emailed about a problem Julie and I are having with our suitemates. You replied and said you weren’t the RA but someone called Ashlynn in Room 415 was. I walked by the door and there is someone called Ashlynn living in that room, but your door clearly says RA here” she said pointing at the sign posted on Tobin’s door “and, this is clearly room 411, not 408. 408 is my room.”

Tobin’s searched Christen’s face with no sign of recognition of the situation. “Chris, I have no idea what you’re talking about. The email probably just went to the wrong person.” She explained. She noticed, a few seconds too late, that Christen had smirked when she’d said “Chris.” She worries that she’s crossing some boundary. “Oh, sorry, I mean Christen. Is it okay that I called you Chris?”

“It’s fine. Can I call you… Toby?” Christen raised her eyebrow giving Tobin an almost taunting look.

“God, please no.” Tobin said with a chuckle.

“Fine, Tobes?” Christen said, repeating the first thing she’d heard Tobin called.

“If you must.”

Christen chuckled and offered a small smile as a silence settled between the girls, who were then just looking into one another’s eyes from across the room. There was something hanging in the air between them.

_Emerging friendship_, both thought. Then, as quickly as she’d become emboldened to joke with Tobin, Christen crumpled. She dropped her gaze to her toes and returned to the subject at hand.

“Well, it came from heatht@ufl.edu and addressed me as Christen and was signed Your Neighbor, TH, which is how you signed the email to the hall last week.”

Tobin picked “Your Neighbor” as her signature because she loved the Mr. Rodgers vibes it gave—approachable, kind, encouraging community. Now, she wondered if someone was mocking her choice.

“That’s bizarre.” Tobin moved to put her guitar down and walked over to her desk. She opened her laptop and logged into her webmail account. “Yeah, nothing from you here. Let me see if I send you an email if it works.”

* * *

_Email To: Christen A. Press <pressc@ufl.edu>  
_ _From: Tobin Heath <heatht@ufl.edu>_

_Christen? Testing 1, 2, 3. Is that you? _

_TH_

* * *

Tobin pressed send.

When the outgoing mail sound wooshed and Christen turned back toward her room, “Let’s go see if I got it.”

Tobin followed Christen across the hall and took a place behind Christen as the younger girl sat down at her laptop. Christen felt Tobin’s torso rest against her desk chair. She wondered what it would feel like if Tobin wrapped her arms around her from behind right now and leaned down to kiss her. She was sure it would be electric. Her body suddenly felt intensely sensitive, like every part of her skin was expecting an oncoming touch.

“Look! It says I have two emails from you.”

Christen opened both and noticed they were identical. “I guess you pressed send twice or something.”

She turned to Tobin whose eyes were shifting between Christen’s laptop screen and her watch. “I, um. That’s weird.”

“What?”

“It says that first one arrived 6 minutes ago. But, like, it had to be less than a minute ago that I sent that, right? I don’t think you were even in my room 6 minutes ago.”

“The campus email is probably just having a problem.” Christen mused. “Here, I’ll reply to the email from 6 minutes ago and we’ll see if it comes to you marked 6 minutes ago.”

* * *

_Email To: Tobin Heath <heatht@ufl.edu>  
_ _From: Christen Press <pressc@ufl.edu>_

_Toby, _

_Yes, it’s me. _

_Chris_

* * *

Tobin rolled her eyes “Ha. Ha. Very funny with the ‘Toby.’ Watch out or I’m going to come up with a really embarrassing nickname for Christen. Maybe Chrissy?”

Christen tried to hide the way the name Chrissy made her flinch. She pushed past the memories and offered a giant smile and said “Sure, if you want to permanently be Toby. Come on, let’s go check if you got it!”

When they returned to Tobin’s room, they’d occupied almost mirrored positions from the ones they’d taken in Christen’s room. Christen hovered over Tobin’s chair as Tobin sat and refreshed her inbox. As the page loaded, Christen took time to look down at Tobin. She wondered if it would be weird for her to lean down next to the RA and just inhale. She wanted desperately to know what the air was like around Tobin. She knew, she just knew, that it would be better than the air she normally breathed. She wanted to enter Tobin’s orbit, to be caught in her atmosphere.

“Nothing here. Go check your computer and make sure it went out?” Tobin asked her. Christen crossed back to her room before yelling “Yep. It’s in sent.”

Tobin refreshed her email a few more times. “Weird, nothing here! Maybe I should go talk to I.T.”

Christen returned to Tobin’s doorway with a shrug. “Yeah, I think you should. It would really suck if I couldn’t email my favorite RA” she finished with a wink.

At that statement Tobin promptly closed and unplugged her laptop, wrapped up her power cord and put both into her backpack. “I guess I better go right now, then!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoyed!
> 
> \---  
Someone asked for some clarification on the timeline, I've added it on Tumblr up to right before this chapter. https://ijustcrushalot.tumblr.com/post/190991360365/can-you-explain-the-later-chapters-getting


	14. like, go see a professional.

**October 3, 2007- Los Angeles, California**

_Email To: Tobin Heath <heatht@ucla.edu>  
_ _From: Christen Press <pressc@ucla.edu>_

_Toby,  
_ _Yes, it’s me.  
_ _Chris_

* * *

“CHRISTEN. YOU EMAILED ME BACK.” Tobin yelled down the hall toward Christen as she was leaving.

“CLEARLY I DIDN’T” Christen yelled back “I’M GOING TO I.T. NOW.”

As Tobin returned to her desk. She felt suddenly very protective of Christen. She quickly typed a reply, hoping to talk some sense into the stranger emailing her

* * *

_Email To: Christen Press <pressc@ucla.edu>  
_ _From: Tobin Heath <heatht@ucla.edu>_

_Whoever you are, please stop. It’s not okay to be pretending to be someone like this. What kind of creep are you? _

_Just leave Christen be. She’s a really cool person and there’s no reason to screw with her._

_Thanks,   
Tobin_

* * *

**Gainesville, Florida**

Christen received the email just minutes after Tobin left for I.T. She quickly typed a reply.

_Email To: Tobin Heath <heatht@ufl.edu>  
_ _From: Christen Press <pressc@ufl.edu>_

_Whoever YOU are, this isn’t funny. I don't know what kind of weird twisted games you’re into, but Tobin’s going to IT now and is going to get you kicked out of here.  
  
Leave her alone.  
  
Leave me alone!_

* * *

**Los Angeles, California**

Tobin’s face burned with frustration. 

_Email To: Christen Press <pressc@ucla.edu>  
_ _From: Tobin Heath <heatht@ucla.edu>_

_Please! As if I’m the one playing games. You’re the one in someone else’s email account!_

She didn’t know exactly why she kept replying. She just couldn’t not reply. It seemed like Christen was having a hard time before she came to school and Tobin wanted to stand up for the younger girl.

* * *

**Gainesville, Florida**

_Email To: Tobin Heath <heatht@ufl.edu>  
_ _From: Christen Press <pressc@ufl.edu>_

_Bullshit. Just leave Tobin alone. _

* * *

**Los Angeles, California**

_Email To: Christen Press <pressc@ucla.edu>  
_ _From: Tobin Heath <heatht@ucla.edu>_

_I can’t leave myself alone! You freaking leave Christen alone. _

* * *

**Gainesville, Florida**

_Email To: Tobin Heath <heatht@ufl.edu>  
_ _From: Christen Press <pressc@ufl.edu>_

_I can’t leave MYSELF alone! God, you’re really a whacko. _

* * *

**Los Angeles, California**

Tobin was now officially fuming. She decided she’d offer an irrefutable argument. One where the person who hacked Christen’s email could not possibly beat. She tore a piece of paper out of her class notebook and wrote “THE REAL TOBIN HEATH, NOT SOME INTERNET STALKER."  
  
She took out her digital camera, held the sign next to her face and snapped a picture. She uploaded the image to her computer and attached it to the email.

* * *

_Email To: Christen Press <pressc@ucla.edu>  
_ _From: Tobin Heath <heatht@ucla.edu>_

_Attachment: Img4.jpg _

_I can prove I’m Tobin. Can you prove you’re Christen? Didn't think so!_  
  
Leave her the fuck alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These next three chapters'll be fun :-)
> 
> ijustcrushalot.tumblr.com if you have questions or anything. Or drop me something down in the comments. I love hearing from y'all.


	15. My blood runs cold

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I uploaded 3 at once so you might need to go back one <-

**Gainesville, Florida**

When Christen opened the email her blood ran cold. It was really a picture of Tobin. Or at least someone who looked exactly like Tobin.

“Holy shit, Julie! Come here.”

Julie put down the book she was reading, climbed off of her bed, and made her way over to and Christen’s desk. 

“Why did Tobin send you this picture?” Julie asked.

“She didn’t.” Christen answered simply. “She’s on her way to I.T. to figure out who hacked her email. The hacker sent this.”

“Wow. That’s really creepy. How did they get that picture of her?”

“I don’t know. But she’s definitely not in her dorm in that picture. You see that bunk bed behind her? She only has one bed in her room. And, she’s wearing something totally different than when she left here just a few minutes ago. It must be from some other time.”

“Maybe she has a stalker.”

“Shit,” Christen replied, slowly processing the idea, “maybe.”

They sat in silence a second as Julie scrolled through the message exchange.

“Send them one back.” Julie recommended.

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea, Jules. What if this person is just baiting me.”

“It’ll show that you are serious.”

Julie crossed over to her desk where she wrote on a sheet of notebook paper “The Real Christen Press Thinks the Fake Tobin Heath/Real Internet Stalker Should Go to Hell.” She handed it to Christen and directed her to hold it up outside of their door, next to the clear sign indicating they lived in room 408. Christen made the kind of face one makes in a mug shot and Julie took her picture. The girls made their way inside attached her digital camera to Christen’s computer. Christen downloaded the picture and attached it to an email, wrote “screw you,” as the entire message before pressing send.

She slammed her laptop closed with a huff. She made her way into the bathroom where she changed into a sports bra and soccer shorts. As she laced up her tennis shoes she announced “I’m going for a run before practice to get this weird day out of my system. I got way too stressed out about this. I know I.T. is going to help Tobin figure this out.”

“Okay. Have a good run.” Julie offered. “Please be safe. Don’t leave the public parts of campus.”

“I won’t. See you later.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ijustcrushalot.tumblr.com if you have questions or anything. 
> 
> Or let me know what you think down in the comments! I'm having a blast writing and hope you're enjoying reading.


	16. at the sight of your face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I uploaded three chapters at once, so if you just skipped to the end you might need to go back two <<-

**Los Angeles, California**

When Tobin opened the email, she felt like she’d been dropped through a trap door into a bottomless room.

* * *

_Email To: Tobin Heath <heatht@ucla.edu>_  
_From: Christen Press <pressc@ucla.edu>_

_Attachment: Image_54a6s.jpg _

_Screw you. _

* * *

She was so confused. The picture attached looked JUST like Christen, but she definitely wasn’t in their dorm. Instead, she was standing in front of a door labeled “408.” The door was light wood, whereas all of those in their UCLA dorm were dark. She could have make sense of it if it was just a random picture of Christen, but the sign she was holding said Tobin’s name. It was a clear reaction to what she’d sent. There’s no way it could be pre-planned. Was Christen messing with her or something? 

Just as she was spiraling in bewilderment and feeling incredibly disoriented, Kelley came home. Kelley immediately noticed the expression on Tobin’s face. Tobin was rapidly searching the floor for answers, eyes wide, brow furrowed, expression changing with each breath, looking pale.

“Holy shit, Tobin, you look like you’ve just been visited by the ghost of Christmas future. Are you okay?”

“I. I don’t know. I just had this weird email exchange. With Christen from across the hall. Well, maybe with her. Actually, not with her, with someone pretending to be her but like who looks like her or maybe she is messing with me but she was next to me when one of the emails came and I really think she was going to IT—” she spat out rapidly, her expression still shifting between looks of worry, surprise, concern, and confusion.

“Hey! Hey.” Kelley grasped Tobin by the shoulders and bent down to her eye level, forcing Tobin to look into her eyes: “Tobito, slow down. I got your text about the weird email from Christen. It’s okay. Let's take a deep breath... That's good... Okay, let's take another one... Great job, bud... Now just keep breathing and tell me what happened. Start from the beginning.”

Tobin explained the entire email exchange and her interaction with Christen, showing Kelley each of the emails.

Kelley tried to keep up with Tobin’s speedy rambling and non-linear account of her experience. She asked questions and added lots of _whoa_, _dude,_ and _what the fuck_s at appropriate times. When Tobin finished, Kelley turned to her and simply said “It seems like someone is going to great lengths to fuck with you Tobito, that’s for sure.”

“It sure does.” Tobin replied.

Kelly put her hand on Tobin's shoulder again, trying to comfort her, “hey, I’m sure I.T. is figuring out what’s wrong with Press’ computer as we speak. This’ll all just be a funny story to tell at parties by tomorrow.” Kelley put her hand on her best friend’s chin in an attempt to recapture her lowered gaze. “We have practice in an hour, why don’t you just shut down your computer and we can go to the field a little early to practice crosses? It’ll take your mind off of this fuckery. Then, after practice, we can go to the soccer house and drink with the girls and tell them all this super bizarre story. ”

“Okay.” Tobin agreed, feeling slightly less uneasy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to drop a comment below or reach out to me (on anon or not) at ijustcrushalot.tumblr.com. Y'all are my favs!


	17. What a weird thing

**Gainesville, Florida**

The pre-practice run had done little more than make Christen sweaty and more anxious. She was completely lost in thought as she got dressed.

As she was putting on her practice uniform someone said from behind her “Press, you look like you just watched someone kick a puppy.”

She turned to see who was talking to her. “Kell, I’ve just had a super weird day.”

“Tell me about it, Pressy. I’m a good listener.” Kelley prodded putting her arm around Christen, “gross, how are you already so sweaty?”

Even though she was just a sophomore, Kelley O’Hara was already a captain of the Lady Gators soccer team. She had a ferocious ability to attack and score. Christen had looked up to her even before joining the team. In fact, Kelley was part of the reason Christen wanted to come to Florida (and the legacy of emerging USWNT star forward Abby Wambach). Kelley had been a breakout forward on the U20 team and had even been named player of the match during one of the world-championship matches. Everyone knew she would be on the Hermann trophy watch list this year.

Kelley and Christen had clicked immediately, their attacking styles were totally in-sync. Christen felt like she was learning so much from playing with Kelley, including how to be a dedicated athlete and still have a ton of fun while doing so.

Kelley took her job as captain very seriously. Despite her seemingly chaotic demeanor and predilection toward pranks, she was always early to practice and would stay until everyone left. She was especially keen on looking after the new girls. She took time to eat lunch alone with each of them at least once a month, just to “check in.” She called it “Quality Time with KO” or “Q.T.K.O.” Christen thought QKOT might be better, because you could pronounce it "Cue Cot" but she'd never tell Kelley that. Kelley would also invite the freshman along to everything the older girls were doing. As a result, they felt much more integrated into the team than they might otherwise. 

Christen knew Kelley wouldn’t drop it. “Maybe after, Kell. It’s kind of a long story.”

“Fine but get your head on straight. I don’t want Burleigh making us do a bunch of extra sprints because you miss your touches.”

“Please, I can nail my touches blindfolded. It’s your distractible ass we’ll need to worry about. I seem to recall a certain direction-following issue from last practice.” Christen quipped as she finished lacing her boots. She stood up, gave a Kelley a wide grin, and trotted past her. Kelley followed her out the door and to the pitch smiling.

After practice Christen found Kelley standing in front of her locker. Kelley offered her a hug.

“What, you need more of my sweat on your body?” Christen joked.

“Pressy, you’re hot, you can sweat on me whenever and wherever you want.” Kelley said with a wink.

Kelley was always saying flirty things to Christen. It was totally harmless, disarmed, and friendly. They both knew there was nothing between them.

“But no, I want to hear about this weird day of yours” she said sincerely.

“Ugh, how much time do you have?”

“I’m all yours until 9:00pm when Grey’s comes on.”

“Fine, come back to my dorm with me. This is a show and tell conversation.”

“I like where your mind is at, Press. I can totally skip Grey’s if you need to do a lot of show and telling in your room. Is your roommate out? She can totally show and tell with us, too.”

Christen feigned offense. “Well I never, Miss O’Hara.”

Kelley laughed heartily and the two went their separate ways to get showered and changed. They walked back to Christen’s dorm together, Christen recounting her the beginning of the story about her awful suitemates and the email she’d written to her RA.

* * *

Just as they reached Christen and Julie’s door Tobin poked her head out of her room “Hey Chris I went to I.T. and—”

“Toblerone Fucking Heath?! As I live and breathe!” Kelley exclaimed. “No fucking way, I haven’t seen you since, like we ran away from those bulls in Brazil. Holy shit, you go here?”

“Kelley O’Hara!” Tobin exclaimed as Kelley crashed into her with a forceful hug lifting Tobin off of the ground.

“You’re a goddamn bag of bones. What, they haven’t been feeding you around here?” She said setting Tobin down and poking her ribs and thighs.

Tobin sighed as Kelley put her down “Ha! No, nothing like that. Just working out a little less these days. Living that RA life”

Kelley turned between Christen and Tobin, “Wait, you’re Pressy’s RA? Oh my god, that’s hilarious! What a small world.”

“Christen, Tobin and I go way back to the youth teams. She’s like a technical genius. Better than both of us combined in skills. She puts the ball on a string. Some real Brazilian shit. She’s just a lame midfielder, though.”

“Was.” Tobin corrected.

“What the fuck happened, dude? I couldn’t believe it when they told me you weren’t coming to worlds. No way does Tobin Heath skip a match. I tried to call your cell, but the number I had for you was disconnected. I just figured you’d end up at UCLA like you’d always talked about.”

Tobin looked down at the floor and rubbed the back of her neck, “just some personal stuff, Kell.” Her voice gets quieter then, more raspy and somber, “I just couldn’t come back after… well, some stuff happened… and after a while I just needed to move on. I haven’t played in a couple of years.”

“Wow, Tobin. I had no idea. I thought you were just injured and trying to save your legs for college or something. God, I never thought I’d see a Tobin Heath who didn’t play soccer.”

Tobin glanced up then, keeping her head hung, looking past Kelley at Christen’s reaction. Christen looked at her with sad, worried eyes. Those beautiful eyes. _Fuck._

“We should totally do lunch sometime. I can’t believe you’re a Gator, too!” Kelley tried to change the subject. “And, Pressy’s RA! Take care of this one for me, Tobes, she’s the future of the team. She’s like Hermann-prize-winning good.”

Tobin’s face lit up and she smiled at Kelley and Christen. “Of course, Kell.”

“Okay, well Pressy was just going to do some show and tell for me in her room.” Kelley says wiggling her eyebrows. Tobin’s face flushes and her eyes widen.

“Kelley, shut up. She’s just being stupid, Toby. Ignore her. I was just going to show her that weird email—"

“TOBY?! Oh my god! I haven’t heard anyone call you that since—” Tobin closed the distance between her door and Kelley and raising her hand over Kelley’s mouth.

“Yes, shut up, Kelley.”

“Okay, okay. Everyone’s so sensitive around here. Jeez.” Kelley said lowering her hands and head slowly in front of her with her palms pointed to the floor. “Here, Tobin, give me your phone and I’ll put my number in. You can text me and we’ll go get lunch this week.”

Tobin handed Kelley her phone as instructed and Kelley entered her number. She fired off a text to herself telling Tobin she didn’t trust the girl not to disappear again. After a few more minutes of discussion in the hallway, Tobin’s room phone rang and she excused herself to answer it telling Christen and Kelley that she’d see them later.

* * *

The two soccer players made their way inside Christen’s room.

“So that…” Kelley said gesturing between Christen and the front door of her dorm “is happening?”

“What do you mean “happening?” She’s my RA and we’re becoming friends”

“Whatever you say, Pressy. You know I’m the jealous type, but I’d gladly share with Tobin. She’s honestly like the best person I’ve ever known.”

“Hey! What about me?” Christen guffawed.

“No offense, Press, but she’s like a goddamn angel or something.” Christen just laughed, she agreed that Tobin was quite special. “I can’t believe that she quit soccer. You know she and I talked about going to UCLA together. She really had me thinking about doing it, but then she just up and quit the national team. Then, her phone got shut off, and I just thought I’d never hear from her again. It felt weird to go to UCLA when she so clearly didn’t want to know me anymore, so when UF came knocking with an amazing offer of starting my first year, and being close to home, how could I say no?”

“Yeah, that seems really weird if she was as good as you said she was.”

The two forwards sat in silence for a minute considering Tobin. Kelley was the first to break the silence.

“So, what, did she send you a weird email or something?”

Christen pulled out her computer and proceeded to walk Kelley through every email and her exchanges with Tobin—leaving out the parts where her proximity to Tobin made her mind go blank, where she felt like Tobin was a magnet pulling her from across the hallway, where she felt breathless looking into Tobin’s eyes.

When they arrived at the penultimate email in the exchange Kelley stared at the picture of Tobin.

“Wow, she looks like she did a couple of years ago.” Kelley mused.

“What do you mean?” Christen asked.

“Well, that Tobin out there is like pale and frail compared to this one. This picture must be old or something. She looks healthy and awake, like she used to.”

Christen hadn’t considered the differences between the Tobin across the hall and the one in the picture. She was too busy looking in the background for clues as to what was going on. The Tobin in the picture was tanner, she had fewer stress lines, her face was fuller, but not to the point of being chubby, just not as gaunt as her neighbor. This Tobin looked happier somehow.

“What changed?” Christen asked herself.

She and Kelley spent a little while chatting about the possibilities of what could be going on. They arrived at no conclusions but Christen was grateful that Kelley was helping her work through it. Then, Kelley’s watch beeped indicating that it was 8:45.

She stood up immediately. “Got to go, Pressy. Christina Yang waits for no woman.”

Christen chuckled and gave Kelley a hug. Kelley skipped toward the door saying “Later, Gator!”

As Kelley was leaving, Christen heard the faint sound of music coming from the hall. “Go ahead and prop it open, Kell. It’ll make it easier for JJ to come in when she gets back!”


	18. I’m from LA

Christen waited in her room until she was sure Kelley had enough time to make it down the hall. Then, she walked toward her dorm door listening to Tobin sing and play. 

_This is the first day of my life  
_ _I swear I was born right in the doorway…_

Christen stepped quietly into the hallway and let Tobin’s voice wash over her—it was louder than it had ever felt in her room. It felt more enrapturing. 

_Yours was the first face that I saw  
_ _I think I was blind before I met you  
_ _And I don’t know where I am,  
_ _I don’t know where I’ve been  
_ _but I know where I want to go…_

Tobin’s voice made the hairs on Christen’s body stand at attention. She leaned against the brick wall directly across from her door and closed her eyes as she listened.

_This is the first day of my life  
_ _I’m glad I didn’t die before I met you  
_ _But now I don’t care  
_ _I could go anywhere with you  
_ _And I’d probably be happy  
  
_ _So, if you wanna be with me  
_ _With these things there’s no telling  
_ _We’ll just have to wait and see  
_ _But I’d rather be working for a paycheck  
_ _Than waiting to win the lottery_

Christen imagined Tobin singing to her, sitting by the beach, the warm ocean air carrying Tobin's voice from her lips to Christen's ears. A background of cascading waves setting offering an off-beat tempo. 

_Besides, I think this time is different  
_ _I think you really like me._

  
As Tobin finished the song, Christen made her way to stand in Tobin’s doorway. As Tobin strummed the last cord, Christen started to clap.

Tobin smiled at the ground and looked up at her blushing. “Hey.”

“Hi.” Christen lowered her voice and tried to speak with a sincere tone. “Have I told you yet? You have a beautiful voice.”

“Thanks, Chris.”

“You’re welcome, Toby.”

Tobin rolled her eyes at Christen but smiled nonetheless. “So, are you just here for a show, or can I help you with something?”

“Before, you were saying something about what I.T. said, I just wanted to check in? Did they get the hacker out?”

“They said there was no evidence of a hacker. They almost erased all of my emails trying to re-boot everything. Luckily, they were able to recover them! They even checked the email server and saw that your emails were going out, but they showed that none were coming to me. It was like they were just getting lost in space. They told me they were going to look into it and follow up. They actually think the issue might be your account.”

“Shit.” Christen muttered “I guess I should download my emails in case they erase them, huh?”

“Yeah, that seems like a good idea.” Tobin reached across the body of her guitar and put her left hand on the strings over the fretboard. When she did so, her body oriented toward Christen. She looked shy as she asked “So, you and Kelley, huh?”

“Yeah, I play soccer with Kelley. She’s actually one of our captains. She’s really great. She cares a lot about us freshmen. She’s made my transition to being a college athlete so much easier.”

“Well, congrats. She’s a real catch.” Tobin’s voice wavered.

Christen burst into laughter, “Tobin, I haven’t ‘caught’ Kelley. She’s just my closest friend on the team. Oh god, can you imagine? Never in a million years would I do THAT” Christen finished, emphasizing the word that and pointing up and down an invisible Kelley.

“Oh, it’s just…” Tobin started and then decided better of it “nothing, never mind, I’m sorry I implied that about you.”

Christen didn’t know what “that” was. She figured Tobin meant being with Kelley, which was certainly not something she wanted people implying. However, the context and the look in Tobin's eyes suggested that Tobin meant something else. “What do you mean Tobes?”

“Sorry, I just thought maybe you liked girls. It was just how Kelley acted around you. Sorry. I hope that doesn’t offend you. I’m really sorry.”

Christen felt suddenly emboldened. She crossed the space between them and sat down next to Tobin, their legs touching under Tobin’s guitar.

“Tobin, why would it upset me if you thought I liked girls?”

“I don’t know, it’s the South... it, um... it really just really bothers some people.”

“Tobin, first, I’m from LA.”

“Oh, okay” Tobin said softly, not actually sure what _being from LA_ meant.

“Second, and maybe more importantly, I do like girls. Call me a stereotype of a soccer player but—”

Tobin’s heart stopped. _Christen Press likes girls and is not with Kelley_ was the only thing her brain could process. _And her leg is touching mine. And she’s in my room. And she thinks my voice is beautiful._ Tobin couldn’t even hear Christen anymore. She just sounded distant. Tobin willed her mind to focus on the girl beside her. _How long had it been? Seconds? Minutes? Hours? A lifetime?_

“and they really blame me now for that. Like my being gay somehow makes my mom unelectable. ugh.”

Tobin realized she wasn’t following the through line. Why was Christen talking about her mom? And elections?

“Sorry, what? I, um, sorry. I’m confused. Can you say that again? I...”

“Tobin, I was saying I’m into women and people say that’s why my mom lost her election.”

“Her election for what?”

“She was the democratic nominee for the California Gubernatorial race last year.”

“Oh, wow! That’s really amazing, Chris!”

“Yeah, she would have been the first female governor of California. She was leading in the polls and everything.”

“Damn, way to go Mama Press!” Tobin said, sounding impressed. “But you said she lost? Isn’t the Terminator the governor?”

“Yeah, she lost to Arnold Schwarzenegger” Christen allowed with a sad sigh. “Right before the election, I came out to her. I told her I wanted to go to a dance at my school with a girl. She and my dad were so supportive. Like, the best-parents-a-girl-could-ever-ask-for supportive. She even said it convinced her to change her mind on gay marriage.”

“That’s amazing, Chris!” Tobin's words conveyed excitement, but her tone was more melancholy.

“Yeah, but then she came out publicly in support of gay marriage and there was so much backlash. People were calling her the devil. Those Westboro Baptist guys showed up in our yard. Then some tabloids took pictures of my girlfriend kissing me. We had all of these photographers following us around everywhere. And then she cheated on me and it was, like, documented by the tabloids.”

“Oh my god, that’s awful.” Tobin tried to capture Christen’s gaze, but her eyes were trained on the floor.

“My mom ended up losing everywhere: Orange County, San Diego, all of the Central Valley, the North. She basically only won San Francisco and a couple of parts of LA. She didn't even win in my hometown.” Christen sighed, placing her head between her hands.

“They say it’s my fault.” Tears pricked Christen’s eyes and she tried to avoid looking at Tobin. Still, she couldn’t help but look at the girl through watery eyes. She needed to know if Tobin blamed her too.

When she looked into Christen’s eyes Tobin’s heart broke. She lifted her guitar off of her lap, pulled the strap up over her head, and set the guitar flat on the floor. Then, she pulled Christen into a deep hug.

“Chris, it’s definitely not your fault. You can’t take that on. You mom made a choice: she chose you. No matter what that means for her career, that was the right choice." Tobin asserted firmly and lovingly, before quietly adding another "She chose you” at a volume just above a whisper.

Christen relaxed into Tobin’s arms. “Thank you” she muttered into Tobin’s shoulder.

After a minute Christen pulled back. She tried to wipe the tears she’d shed off of Tobin’s t-shirt with her hand. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to get you all wet.”

Tobin stifled her “that’s what she said” joke and tried to remain serious. “Chris. It’s okay. I’m here for you. I don’t mind being your Kleenex.”

Christen hugged her again. “It’s just been a long day. I should probably go and rest. Thank you, Tobin.”

Tobin squeezed her tightly before letting her go. Christen made her way back across the hall and closed her door.

After the younger girl was gone, Tobin thought about how much she wanted to support Christen. She found herself conflicted about the crush she was developing. _Christen likes girls._ She told herself. _But, she’s also my resident. And she seems to trust me. I can’t take advantage of that. _

Christen fell asleep that night feeling grateful for Tobin’s support. She did feel a pang of sadness, though, when she concluded that Tobin probably didn't feel the same way about her as she did about Tobin. When Christen had come out to her, Tobin had remained silent about her own sexuality. _She probably just didn't want to disappoint me_, Christen thought. Still, she fell asleep thinking about Tobin’s arms wrapped around her. She’d felt so safe. It’d felt right.

The two days later she opened her computer to find an email from _fake Tobin_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think so far. The story is still evolving a bit in my head, but I hope you're enjoying. 
> 
> I'm probably going to be away for a few days while I'm at a work thing. So, the updates will likely slow a bit. 
> 
> xoxo,  
JCAL
> 
> p.s., https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zwFS69nA-1w to hear the song in the chapter. It's also a great (very simple) video. It'll take you right back to 2006-2007 :-)


	19. awaking to her.

**October 4, 2007- Los Angeles, California, 4am**

“Tobin! Tobin wake up!” Tobin felt two quick slaps to her face, one on each cheek. She opened her eyes slowly to find Kelley’s face inches from her own and felt herself pinned to the bed.

“What the fuck, Kelley?” She said, trying to push Kelley off of her. It was still dark outside.

“Tobin! Quantum Mechanics! The MWI! Schrödinger’s was right!” Kelley exclaimed bouncing up and down on Tobin as she straddled her.

* * *

**October 5, 2007- Gainesville, Florida, 7:30am** ** **

_Email To: Christen Press <pressc@ufl.edu>  
_ _From: Tobin Heath <heatht@ufl.edu>  
_ _Attachment: ImageX78ly5.jpg _

_“Christen,”_

_I’m really hesitant to write this because I’m still 99% sure you’re actually a creep who is going to masturbate to this or something, but my friend Kelley insisted. She thinks it’s possible that we’re both telling the truth. She told me to attach this picture for you to prove it. _

_I still think you’re a stalker. _

_Insincerely, _

_The Real Tobin Powell Heath_

* * *

Christen opened the attachment hesitantly. It was early in the morning and she was getting ready to go out for a run. When the picture loaded, Christen let out a noise somewhere between a gasp and a scream.

Julie shot up in her bed. “Chris, are you okay? What is it?”

Christen turned to Julie in the dark, her face half-lit by the computer.

“It’s… It’s me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi from my work thing in the deep south. Here's a SUPER short chapter.
> 
> This chapter is is for humansuc, who always manages to convince me to write and asked for me to come back. Also, this is for all of you because I'm drunk and had a really hard day with people letting me down. I miss you all. xoxo


	20. home of Schrodinger’s Tobin.

**October 4, 2007- Los Angeles, California, 4am**

“CALM THE FUCK DOWN KELLEY!” Tobin yelped “You’re hurting me!”

“Sorry, Tobito, I didn’t mean to.” Kelley repented.

“Whatever. Why the hell are you waking me up before sunrise, Kell?”

“Because, the multiverse!”

“Kelley, what the fuck are you talking about and can it wait until morning?”

“It came to me in a dream, Tobin!” Kelley boasted.

Tobin offered a long, drawn out sigh. She had no idea to what her friend was referring, but she could tell Kelley was not going to let her go back to sleep. She pushed Kelley off of her hips and sat up in bed. “Okay, what?”

“Tobito, my burrito, have you taken a physics class?”

“Yes, Kelley, in high school. Like everyone.”

“Did they tell you about quantum mechanics?”

“Kelley. It’s like 4 in the morning. You sound fucking crazy. Did you take something with your beer last night at the soccer house?”

“Tobin, focus.” Kelley rolled her eyes. “In physics, did they talk about other dimensions? Even about time being a fourth dimension? Or about wave function collapse? The Copenhagen interpretation?”

“No, Kell, I took _Physics_ not _Star Trek_. We built spaghetti bridges and dropped boxes of eggs off of the football stadium.”

“Well, my AP physics teacher gave me this book my senior year called _Hyperspace_. It was like life-changing, Tobin. It’s why I decided to major in Physics. I read it like four times as a senior in high school. When I was a senior, I barely wanted to do anything other than soccer and girls! It was that good.”

“I’m glad you read, Kelley, but please get to the damn point.” Tobin begged.

“Well, the book led me to the wonders of quantum mechanics. Have you ever heard of the multiverse theory or many worlds interpretation in physics?”

“Kelley! Spaghetti Bridges. Packages for eggs. That’s physics to me—Edible shit. I’m a communications major.”

“Okay, let me see if I can dumb it down for your small brain.” Kelley tapped on Tobin's forehead with her index finger and laughed to herself at the jab. “Here’s the idea. Imagine we are trying to demonstrate the existence of quarks through indirect measurement—”

“Kelley, what the fuck? Please let me go to bed. I am not high enough for this. I’m not high at all!”

“Sorry, let me try again.” Kelley thought for a minute about how to explain. “Okay, let me put it in terms of human decisions. The idea of the multiverse is that every time we make a decision, we split the universe. There’s one universe that continues based on the decision we made, but there’s also another universe where we the opposite decision. It’s like everything plays out in all possible ways.”

“Still not high enough...”

“Tobin, just try to follow. You make a decision—do I wear my black shirt or my white shirt?—you choose black. In another universe, you, therefore, chose white. You pick black, alternative-universe-you picks white.”

“Okay, sure.”

“So, essentially, there are as many universes as the number of possible outcomes of any interaction between matter ever, even decisions. And they exponentially compound, so there are infinite universes.”

“Next you’re going to repeat that “we’re living in the matrix” bullshit you fed me a few years ago when we smoked out on that ridge after the U-20 game.”

“Tobin, this is so much more than the simulation hypothesis. This has real actual math and lots of scientists to back it up. Fucking Steven Hawking believes this.”

“Fine.” Tobin relented “So, there are a bunch of universes in which we make different decisions.”

“Right. What if…” Kelley paused and tried to gather herself “What if the Christen Press you’re talking to is in another universe?”

Tobin roared in laughter. She could barely catch her breath to pant out “emailing other universes! That’s rich! You’re higher than I thought!” Kelley huffed and sat back, giving Tobin a moment to calm. When her laughter subsided, Tobin looked at Kelley, bemused, and told her “Occam’s razor, Kell. The simplest explanation is best. And, the simplest explanation is that Christen’s email was hacked by someone in this very real, not at all theoretical, universe.”

“Tobin. This explanation is simpler than you think. Do you want me to show you the math?”

“Please don’t, Kelley.” Tobin begged.

“Will you give me one chance to prove it?”

“Kell, you’re the one who is always saying that ‘no hypothesis can be proven’ to get out of shit.”

“Semantics, Tobin. Fine, one chance to suggest that it is the best explanation for the events?”

“Fine, but only if I can go back to sleep right now.”

“Okay. But we’re going to lunch or dinner with Naeher and Press tomorrow.”

“Whatever you say, boss.”

Tobin fell back asleep quickly. She dreamed of a universe where Christen was under her, breathless, with swollen lips whispering her name.

* * *

The next day Tobin came back from class to find a note from Kelley “Meet in Covel at 5:45.”

She worked on homework until 5:30 and then made her way over to the dining hall. She was greeted at the door by Kelley who promptly escorted her to a table with Christen and Alyssa. Along the route she whispered “okay, we have to take a picture with them.” Tobin was confused, so she just nodded and followed Kelley.

The four girls had a delightful dinner. Tobin sat next to Christen and noticed their knees touching several times. One time she even boldly placed her knee in Christen’s way, hoping to touch her. When their legs connected, Christen left her knee affixed to Tobin’s without acknowledgement. It was almost like she was daring Tobin to move. Tobin didn't at first; she worried she might lose the moment.

Then, after a minute or so passed, Tobin cautiously slid her hand down her own leg to where their knees connected. When she reached Christen’s leg, she placed her hand atop. Christen kept her knee in place, unmoving. That is, until Tobin looked her in the eyes. At that point Christen looked down at the table and pulled her leg away from Tobin’s hand. When she did, Tobin felt like her leg would never be warm again. _She’s straight. She’s straight_. Tobin kept reminding herself _her mom literally announced it publicly_. _Don’t do this to yourself._

When dinner was finally finished, Kelley stood up and exclaimed “GROUP PHOTO!” She pulled out her digital camera and dragged a girl sitting near them out of her seat to take the photo. The four stood together, arms wrapped around each other’s waists smiling as the flash went off.

The stranger handed the camera back and Kelley pushed the button to preview the photo.

“So cute! This is going to be the cover photo for my Fall Semester Facebook Album!” she announced boldly.

The other three girls thanked the stranger for taking their photo and made their way out of the dining hall.

On their way back to the dorm, Tobin felt Christen’s hand brush against hers a few times. It set her body on fire. Her blood was pulsing in her ears making it hard to hear anything that Kelley and Alyssa were saying. _How did Christen always do this to her?_

Still, Tobin tried her very best not to make too much of any of it. She made every excuse she could. She blamed it on Kelley’s erratic walking pattern and the fact that they were sandwiched between two other people. Still, she wished she could just interlace her fingers with Christen’s.

* * *

When the got back to the dorm, the two pairs of roommates parted ways. When they got inside Kelley slammed the door and loudly whispered “GOT IT!”

“Got what? Tobin questioned?”

“Proof of the multiverse!” Kelley exclaimed holding her digital camera aloft.

“Kelley, you sound crazier now than you did at 4am.”

“Crazy genius!” Kelley retorted. “Now, all you have to do is reply to that email and send this to Christen Press number two.”

“Kelley, that person is not Christen. They are either my stalker or Christen’s stalker, I’m not sending them a picture of me and her.”

“Tobin! You promised you’d let me try to support my hypothesis! It’s just one picture. It’s not like a stalker wouldn’t already have stuff like it!”

Tobin rolled her eyes. She HAD promised Kelley, and Kelley HAD given her a night next to Christen.

“Fine.” Tobin said opening her computer.

“You have to press reply. Press reply.” Kelley insisted bouncing behind Tobin.

“Okay, Kell. Whatever you say. But, if this gets me murdered, I will become a ghost and haunt you for the rest of your life.”

* * *

_Email To: Christen Press <pressc@ucla.edu>  
_ _From: Tobin Heath <heatht@ucla.edu>  
_ _Attachment: ImageX78ly5.jpg_

_“Christen,”_

_I’m really hesitant to write this because I’m still 99% sure you’re a creep who is going to masturbate to this or something, but my friend Kelley insisted. She told me to tell you that she thinks it’s possible that we’re both telling the truth. She says the attached picture will prove it. _

_I_ _ still think you’re a stalker. _

_Insincerely,   
_ _The Real Tobin Powell Heath_

* * *

Tobin pressed send before Kelley could protest the language.


	21. It's me

**October 5, 2007- Gainesville, Florida**

“…It’s me.” The words were hardly out of Christen’s mouth before Julie was at her side.

“When did you take that picture? Is that Tobin? And Kelley? Who’s that other girl?”

“Julie, I didn’t take this picture. I have no idea when this happened. I have no idea who that other girl is.”

“Chris, that’s definitely you. Well, a skinner, paler you. I didn’t even know you could be skinnier, you’re like a rail with an ass. Was this like maybe in high school or something?”

“Jules. I swear to god that’s not me. I mean, it looks just like me. But, that’s not me.”

“They’re all wearing UCLA soccer stuff.” Julie said pointing to the other three girls. “Maybe this was at a tournament?”

“Julie, Tobin stopped playing soccer a couple of years back. Tobin and I met for the first time when I moved here. And Kelley plays soccer here. At Florida. Why would she be wearing a UCLA Soccer hoodie?”

“Maybe someone’s just really good at photoshop?”

“Julie this is really starting to freak me out. Why would someone do this?”

Christen stared at herself in the photo. It looked like her, but older, or maybe just more exhausted. Julie was right, “she” looked pale and thin. Like life took its toll on her somehow. But Tobin. _God, Tobin._ She looked so good. Her arms were incredibly toned. Her legs were much more muscular than those of the girl across the hall. She was tan. She looked so happy with her arm wrapped around Christen’s waist—well not Christen, but whoever this imposter was. Tobin just looked stronger, like if she held you in her arms you'd feel safer than you ever felt. Christen could almost feel Tobin’s fingers resting on her hip. Looking at the picture made her heart swell, even though she knew it was fake.

The Kelley in the photo looked exactly the same; freckles and a messy bun. She looked happy; she was just in the wrong school’s colors.

“Chris, I really think you might need to tell the police or something. This is really creepy if that isn’t you.” Julie caught Christen’s gaze and gave her a concerned look. “I know you were about to go for a run but maybe I can just drive you over to the rec and you can run on the treadmill? I don’t feel safe with you running outside right now. I could even call Zach and he could come with us.”

In the back of her mind Christen caught that Julie mentioned some boy’s name, but she was too lost in her won thoughts to consider the implications.

“You’re right, Jules. I’ll go to campus police this afternoon after practice. I want to talk to Kelley first. That really looks like her…” Christen said pointing at the screen “…and I know she loves pranks. Maybe she just took it too far?”

“Okay, I trust your judgement, but please be careful, okay?”

“Of course, Jules. Tell you what, I’ll just pull up a paper I have due tomorrow and work on that right now. You go back to bed.”

“Okay, Chris. But you’re taking my cell phone to class today, okay? Promise?”

“Okay.”

Around 10am, after Julie left for class, Christen picked up her room phone and dialed Kelley’s extension.

“KO’s housssee!” Kelley answered.

“Kelley, it’s Christen.” She said, trying to keep her voice calm and unwavering.

“Pressy! You find decide to actually show and tell me something? I’ve never had dorm phone sex but—” Christen could hear Kelley’s eyebrows raising in jest, but she couldn’t even be bothered to play along today.

She interrupted: “Kell, if you’re behind this email thing, it’s really not funny. My roommate wants me to go to the police. I think I might.”

“Christen Press! How could you even imply that I would do something like this? I have nothing to do with that weird Tobin exchange. I didn’t even know she went here until yesterday when I saw her outside your room!”

“Fuck” Christen muttered.

“Did something happen, Chris?” Kelley only called her ‘Chris’ when she was really serious. Christen started to believe Kelley really had nothing to do with the email, leading her mind to spiral. Tears filled her eyes. She didn’t know who could possibly want to mess with her, or why.

“Yeah, Kell, something happened. And it has to do with you.” Her voice broke as she let out the words.

“With me?”

“Yeah, the account sent me a picture of you and Tobin. And me. A picture I swear we never took together. It’s really creepy.”

“I’ll be right there, Pressy. Hang tight!”

* * *

Kelley was at Christen’s door in what felt like no time. When she answered the door, Kelley took one look at her face and pulled her immediately into a hug strong hug.

“Hey, Chris, it’s going to be okay. We’re going to figure this out, okay?” Christen nodded into her shoulder.

“Okay, show me this picture.”

Christen sat at her computer and pulled up the photo. Kelley gasped.

“OMG! That’s me. That’s really me. But, at UCLA?” She questions, pointing to the sweatshirts. “You know, Press, we were supposed to go there. Me and Tobin. We always talked about it at U-20 camps.”

“You mentioned that yesterday.”

“Wow, this is wild!”

“Kell, it’s clearly a fake. Neither you nor I ever took that photo.”

“I guess you're right. I don't remember taking this and I definitely don't own those clothes.”

“Yeah, I know that I tried some weird stuff after I basically got outted by those reporters and my mom lost the election,” Christen allowed, “but I was definitely never black-out enough to forget meeting you and Tobin. And, I definitely don’t know that girl.” Christen gestured to Alyssa.

“Pressy, that’s Alyssa Naeher. She plays on the U-20 with me. She’s the goalie at Penn State. Or, I guess it could be Amanda. Her twin. Amanda might go to UCLA. I think she plays back line.”

“Kell, do you see why it seems like you’re behind this?”

“I do, but I swear I’m not. Oh my gosh, I have an idea!”

Kelley took out her cell phone and typed out a text. “This is a great idea!” A few seconds later her phone dinged. She smiled widely, stood up, and walked out Christen’s door, across the hall, and knocked incessantly on Tobin’s door.

“Tobito come here! I know you’re up! You just answered me.”

A sleepy Tobin answered the door, her eyes squinting in the hallway light.

“Hi Kelley. I don't have class until 1, so I’m going to go back to sleep, okay?”

“No, Tobes, come take a picture with us!”

“Kelley, I missed you, too, but there is no way I’m taking a picture right now.”

“Fine. But we’re going to a late lunch after your class. Me, you, and Pressy. We need to get you some meat back on those skinny bones” she said poking Tobin in the ribs.

Tobin smiled slightly, her eyes still glazed with sleep as she nodded in agreement. Kelley made Tobin tell them where her class was and they agreed to meet outside the building at 2:30pm. Before she shut her door to go back to sleep, Tobin looked over Kelley’s shoulder at Christen, “I don’t know how you ended up associated with this one,” pointing her thumb at Kelley, “but I’m glad that you knowing her means I get to go to lunch with you.”

“Ooooo, Pressy’s got a girl-friend” Kelley sang as they moved back into Christen’s room.

“Don’t be stupid, Kelley” is all she could muster.

* * *

At 2:30 they met Tobin exactly where she said she’d be. As they approached, Christen noted how effortlessly cool Tobin looked in her white shirt and black jeans. _How can someone just look that good_ Christen wondered.

The truth was that after she closed the door, Tobin had panicked. She re-set her alarm clock a full hour earlier than she had it set for before and fired off a text to Lauren and Amy asking them if they could come help her pick out an outfit at noon. She told them that she was giving a presentation in her class and wanted to look “nice but not too nice.” She’d tried on at least seven different outfits.

“Tobin, this outfit is just a slightly different version of the last one,” Amy argued. “And, none of these are professional at all!”

Tobin finally relented “okay, I’m not giving a presentation. I just want to look nice.” And then she mumbled “for someone, okay?” her face turning bright red.

Lauren and Amy squealed in unison before Lauren prodded, “Oh my gosh, our little Tobin is growing up! WHO?!?”

“I don’t want to say, guys. Can we just skip that part?”

“We can today, but we’re getting it out of you eventually. You’re going to have to tell us before the wedding.”

Tobin rolled her eyes “Guys! There’s no wedding! I don’t even know if she likes me.”

“Okay, well this information changes everything!” Amy announced. She picked up a black pair of jeans and a white shirt and handed them to Tobin. “You look hottest in these.” Then, tousling her hair “we’re going to have to do something about this here. And, are you opposed to a little mascara? It would really make your eyes pop, Tobes, and they’re definitely one of your greatest assets!”

So, even though Christen thought she was effortlessly, casually beautiful, Tobin had actually put in more effort today than she ever had since coming to college.

“You clean up nice, Tobito.” Kelley said, pulling Tobin into a hug. “I might have to watch my back with Pressy here, if you’re going to be looking like this and living so near to her. Don’t go stealing my woman.”

“Oh my god, are you finally asking me out, Kelley? I’ve been waiting for this day forever.” Christen joked spinning around with her arms out and her face to the sky, “Yes! A thousand times yes!” She put both of her hands on Kelley’s shoulders pressed a kiss to her cheek “as long as this means you’re paying for lunch, babe.”

“Only if you are planning to put out later, babe.”

“You pig!” Christen punched her in the shoulder. “This is officially over!”

The two cackled together.

Tobin tried to chuckle along, but she couldn’t help the pang of jealousy that trickled up the back of her spine when Christen kissed Kelley’s cheek. She knew they were joking, but she felt like she would give anything to be the cheek that Christen kissed. She remembered how Christen felt in her embrace two nights before. How she’d fit just right next to Tobin. How Christen’s body made Tobin’s buzz.

“Let’s go eat, I’m starved!” Kelley’s voice interrupted Tobin’s train of thought.

Kelley and Tobin both opted for substantial meals while Christen picked a salad. When they’d finished eating Kelley finally said “Okay, NOW can I take a picture with my two best friends? The world must know I’ve found the elusive Tobin Powell Heath!”

Christen rolled her eyes knowingly at Tobin and they shared a small laugh. Kelley pulled out her digital camera asked a passerby to take their photo. The three girls stood together, Tobin in the middle. When she put her arm around Christen’s waist Christen flashed back to the picture _fake_ _Tobin_ sent her; to how she imagined that moment must have felt for her imposter. Tobin’s hand burned into her hip. It felt indelible. She wanted it there more, longer. It felt better than she imagined to feel possessed by Tobin, to be pulled into her side.

When they left the dining center the two soccer players parted ways with Tobin, heading toward practice. As they walked, Kelley teased Christen about Tobin and how she had looked so good. Kelley swore she’d never seen Tobin that dressed up. Christen retorted that Kelley hadn’t really ever seen Tobin in college, reasoning that maybe the girl had just grown up and come into her own.

After practice Christen found her head in the clouds as she considered whether she had smiled more today than she ever had since coming to college. She had all but forgotten the email incident. But, as she left the locker room she soon found Kelley by her side interrupting her pleasant thoughts. “Okay, we have to send this picture back to that email.”

"What?" Christen was confused.

"We need to send them this picture, to show them we mean business."

After a long discussion, Kelley finally convinced her. So later that night Christen wrote a simple reply to the previous email and attached the picture. At Julie’s urging, she pointed out her intention to go to the police.

That night she found herself lying in bed in in the dark with a hand on the hip that Tobin had held during their photo. She let the fingers of the other hand rub back and forth across her lips softly as she drifted off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Questions, thoughts, comments? Leave them below or message/ask on Tumblr iJustCrushALot.tumblr.com
> 
> Also, grammar/spelling nerds, feel free to reach out with any mistakes I make! I'd love to correct any errors.


	22. and it's all real.

**October 6, 2007- Los Angeles, California **

_Email To: Tobin Heath <heatht@ucla.edu>  
_ _From: Christen Press <pressc@ucla.edu>  
_ _Attachment: Image_55a6s.jpg_

_“Tobin,”_

_I was going to go to the police, but Kelley convinced me to send this first. Please, just leave me alone. If you email again, I’m going to the campus police. _

* * *

When Tobin opened the attachment, she felt an immediate shot of pain near her brain's frontal lobe. Her heart started to race, she felt like she was going to be sick. It was even worse than the picture of Christen alone. It was a picture of her, standing with Kelley and Christen. In a place she didn’t recognize, wearing clothes she didn’t recognize.

“KELLEY!” she immediately yelled.

Kelley came bounding in from the hallway where she’d been chatting with a neighbor, “what’s up Bito?”

“It’s me. It’s us. I. I think. think you might be… right... about the multiverse” Tobin stumbled over her words pointing to her screen.

Kelley crossed the room and looked at Tobin’s laptop screen.

“HOLY SHIT! IT’S REAL! And I’m there too? This is fantastic! You have to write back!”

“Kelley, she really doesn't sound like she’s ready to believe that I’m from some other universe. I’m not even sure I’m ready to believe it.”

“Oh my god! She’s wearing a Florida Soccer shirt. So am I. Tobin, they recruited me SO hard. I would have gone there if I hadn’t already told my bestest friend in the world that we were going to UCLA together! Maybe we picked Florida in the other universe!”

“Kelley, I, I just don’t get it. How is this possible?”

“The multiverse, Tobs! The multiverse!” Kelley repeated, eyes wild. “You have to write back. Oh! I know just what to say!”

Kelley pulled Tobin’s chair back from her desk, sat on her lap, and began typing.

* * *

_Email To: Christen Press <pressc@ucla.edu>  
_ _From: Tobin Heath <heatht@ucla.edu>_

_Christen! _

_This is Kelley O’Hara. We clearly know each other. Well, kind of. Hey, before you go to the police just do me a favor? Tell your Kelley, I mean tell me, I say “Hyperspace. Schrödinger. MWI. It’s real!” She should know what you mean. If she doesn't, please still email us back! _

_KO #5_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HMU if you have any questions/comments/concerns below in the comments section or at ijustcrushalot.tumblr.com.


	23. Counting on Kelley

When she received the email, Christen promptly picked up her phone and dialed Kelley’s extension. Kelley didn’t answer so Christen left a simple message on her dorm voicemail. “Kell, do the words _Hyperspace and Schrah—schrow—someothing dinger and M-W-I _mean anything to you? Someone pretending to be you on that email chain said they would. Call me back or I’ll see you at practice.”

Christen hung up the phone, packed up her belongings, and headed off to the library to work on a paper for her mass media class. She wasn’t in her room when Kelley O’Hara called back to scream “THE MULTIVERSE IS REALLLL!” 

* * *

When Christen arrived in the locker room that afternoon for Saturday practice she found her back immediately pinned against a locker. Kelley had her by the shoulders with an intense and wild look in her eyes. “Chris. I have been looking for you EVERYWHERE. Are you positive that I emailed you and said “hyperspace?”

“Kell, the email came from that fake Tobin email chain, but yes.”

“OH MY GOD, CHRISTEN!” Kelley’s voice was loud and an octave higher than its normal register. Christen could not move under her grip and it was as if Kelley was looking right through her. _People were definitely starting to stare_. “It’s real. It’s all real! This upends, like, most of Physics. Christen. You don't understand. This is, life changing stuff. I mean like—”

“Kell.” Christen gently tried to get Kelley’s attention. She looked around nervously as her teammates gave her concerned looks, not sure whether to intervene.

“everything we teach people about the universe and applied quantum mechanics is wrong. Holy shit. It is, like, so much more complic—"

“KELLEY!” Christen shouted, finally quieting Kelley. “Literally everyone is staring and you’re bruising my arms.”

“Oh, god, I’m so sorry, Chris.” Kelley said shaking her head and releasing Christen from her grip. She looked around with a guilty smile and shouted: “nothing to see here, people! Just a physics nerd hot on the universe! Go on, get ready for practice.” She motioned to shoo everyone away and eventually everyone turned back to what they'd been doing prior to Kelley's outburst. Then, turning to Christen Kelley offered quietly “sorry, I just got carried away because this is really huge. Like, change everything about everything huge.”

“I believe you, Kell. Want to tell me more about it after practice?”

“Yeah, can I? It’s going to be a lot to process. Let’s go to your dorm again? I didn’t hurt you did I?”

“It’s okay, I’m a tough girl.”

So, Christen and Kelley went on to practice. But everyone could tell, Kelley’s mind was lost in space (and time) throughout. Christen only hoped she’d come back to earth before their game against Kentucky the following day.


	24. to make it through game day.

**October 7, 2007- Los Angeles, CA**

Tobin woke up slowly at 10am. Today was game day. They were playing Santa Clara at home. It was likely going to be an easy win, but Tobin took every game seriously. She climbed out of bed and started a pot of coffee. She and Kelley needed to report to Drake stadium by 11am for their game. Tobin put her Apple ear buds in and found her gameday playlist on her iPod. She started it up as she proceeded to get ready.

Kelley woke up 15 minutes later and started her gameday routine. Kelley’s routine was essentially to follow Tobin’s routine about 15 minutes after Tobin. She let Tobin make coffee, toast a bagel, start packing her bag, and Kelley would just follow her, drinking the remaining coffee, eating the other half of Tobin’s bagel, and shoving her gear into the remaining space in Tobin’s bag.

They’d worked out a method, and it worked well for them.

Kelley knew that Tobin was in her own head, so she didn’t pester Tobin about emails and other dimensions. Right now, they just needed to get ready for a game in this universe.

* * *

Less than three hours later, Tobin buried a ball in the back of the net, sneaking it near post around the Santa Clara goalie’s outstretched arms.

The Bruins went on to win 4-1, with Kelley scoring a brace. Tobin had enjoyed every minute of it—the sound of the small crowd, the feel of earth moving beneath her as she ran. After the game, she found herself in an almost Zen-like state.

It wasn’t until a few hours later that Tobin even thought about checking her email. She and Kelley were getting ready to head to the soccer house to celebrate their victory. She found herself wondering if Alyssa would be there and whether she would bring Christen.

Thinking of Christen led her to remember the unusual exchange she was having on email. She opened her browser and directed the page to her webmail. She logged in to find a simple email waiting for her.

* * *

_Email To: Tobin Heath <heatht@ucla.edu>  
_ _From: Christen Press <pressc@ucla.edu>_

_Hi Tobin, _

_If what Kelley says is true, you are, indeed Tobin. Has your Kelley been trying to convince you that I am, indeed, Christen? Well, I am Christen. This is really weird, right? _

_I guess I have a lot of questions: do you and your Christen go to UCLA? You were wearing UCLA gear in the pictures, so I thought maybe. What year is it there? You mentioned that I am the governor’s daughter. Did my mom win an election there? _

_I have a lot of questions, but I’m not sure if your Kelley is as convincing as my Kelley, so I’ll leave it here. _

_Yours from Another Universe,   
_ _Christen A. Press_

* * *

Tobin read the message over a few times. She was happy that her best friend was so persuasive in another universe. She found herself typing back without thinking.

* * *

_Email To: Christen Press <pressc@ucla.edu>  
_ _From: Tobin Heath <heatht@ucla.edu>_

_Christen! _

_Yes, Kelley has been giving me the hard sell on this multiverse thing. I guess I am starting to believe her?_

_Today is October 7, 2007. Yes, I’m at UCLA. I’m here on a soccer scholarship, of course. _

_We played Santa Clara today at home and won 4-1. Are football schedules the same in your universe? If it’s the same day, did UCLA play Santa Clara in your universe too? _

_It looks like you’re at Florida? Kelley says she almost went there. Weird to think about living on the east coast! _

_I just googled it and Florida played Kentucky today in my universe. They won 1-0. What about in your universe? Did “we” play? Did we win? Did I score? I scored here at UCLA. Kelley did, too! Twice!_

_Yeah, your mom won the 2006 election in California. She’s our governor. She won by a landslide over Arnold Schwarzenegger. I got to meet her when you, well, my universe you, moved in across the hall. She seems really nice. She didn’t win there? You’re telling me Schwarzenegger got elected outside of a recall election? Wow. _

_It’s kind of ionic, I guess, that he has anything to do with this multiverse, different timeline stuff. You know, being the terminator? _

_I have a lot of questions for you too, but Kell and I are heading out to celebrate the win. Is she a total pain in your ass there, too? _

_Be well!_

_Yours from Another Universe (I like that),   
_ _Tobin P. Heath_


	25. or at least through this dance;

After Tobin pressed send, she finished getting ready. She chose a black t-shirt and ripped white jeans. She ran a brush through her hair and brushed her teeth. Kelley was putting in considerably more effort.

“Tobin, you’re going to make me look like a fool for being your roommate. At least put some mascara on.” She insisted. Tobin reluctantly obliged and then sat down to drink a beer as she waited for Kelley to finish getting ready. She turned on their TV and slid in an old Arsenal tape to watch as she waited.

Two beers and half a match later, Kelley was finally ready to go. She made her way promptly to the door “God, come on, Tobes!” feigning frustration “you take so long to get ready.” Kelley shot across the hallway announcing over her shoulder “I’m going to going to grab Naeher and Chris on our way. Shepard the fresheys to the party so they don’t look too lost.”

“Cool.” Tobin said, following Kelley and trying to hide her excitement that Christen was, indeed, joining them.

Kelley rapped on the door to room 411 few times before Alyssa answered. She yelled over her shoulder “Ready Press?” Seemingly receiving an affirmative response, Alyssa stepped into the hall. Just after she did, Christen emerged from the door and Tobin’s heart stopped.

Christen was in tight jeans and a slender tank top. The outfit hugged her body perfectly and accentuated her hips. Her hair was down, naturally curly, and her makeup made Christen’s eyes seem even deeper and more beautiful. Tobin’s mouth went totally dry. “Wow” she muttered to nobody in particular.

“Yeah, girls, looking hot!” Kelley yelled, attempting to cover for Tobin. “Let’s go!” Kelley circled her finger in the air a few times as she turned toward Tobin and widened her eyes mouthing “be cool, weirdo” and pantomiming closing Tobin’s jaw and wiping her drool. At the same time, Alyssa was turning to Christen giving her a similar look.

Neither Tobin nor Kelley had noticed, but the moment Christen saw Tobin she got a devilish look in her eye. She’d looked like she wanted to devour Tobin. Alyssa did notice, and she was now giving Christen a look that said “easy, tiger.”

* * *

By the time the four neighbors reached the soccer house, the whole place smelled of sweat and cheap beer. The music was pumping and the crowd was almost impenetrable. The hallmates pushed their way through the crowd, the three soccer players receiving various praise for their performance that day from people they passed. As they reached the kitchen, they found several members of the women’s soccer team pouring a round of shots.

“JUST IN TIME!” one shouted in the direction of the girls, “BUT YOU NEED TO TAKE THREE TO CATCH UP!”

“LETS FUCKING GO!” Kelley yelled over the music.

Within minutes the four girls had all taken three tequila shots.

“I LIKE THIS GIRL” one of the players, Lauren Chaney, shouted, putting her arm around Christen. “LETS DANCE, PRESS!”

Christen was grinning from ear to ear, she felt incredibly alive. She made her way with a group of soccer players to the party’s dance floor. They all started to move together to the blaring music, smiles plastered on their faces. Tobin stayed back in the kitchen talking to Alyssa and a few other teammates.

From where she was standing, Tobin could see Christen dancing. Christen moved with grace. She wasn’t the best dancer in the circle, but she might have been having the most fun. Tobin took another shot, and then another. She wanted to be dancing with Christen. She needed to be. Even if Christen was straight, she needed Christen’s body near hers. _Right now_. So, she was trying to calm her nerves.

“I’ll be back” Tobin said, finishing the last gulp of a beer she was holding and starting to push through the crowd toward Christen. As she did, though, she found herself stopped in place as the opening notes of Ginuwine’s _Pony_ started to pulse over the speakers. Just as the music started, one of the players from the men’s soccer team pulled Christen away from the crowd of girls to dance with her alone. Christen spun around to put her ass in front of him and bent down at the waist before moving slowly back up, never breaking contact with his body. He put his hands on her hips and they moved together. Tobin wanted to run away, to ignore this sight, but she couldn’t. She just watched as the boy got closer to Christen, her muscles tensing, jealousy prickling her spine. 

In that very moment, though, and without any warning, Christen’s eyes came up from the floor to lock onto hers. The green eyes bore into her, a clearly directed gaze. Tobin couldn't look away, she was captivated by the other girl’s stare. Christen raised her hands and looped them around the back of the young man’s neck as she started to grind down on his lap. He closed his eyes, clearly enjoying it. Christen, however, didn’t break her gaze. She just stared at Tobin as she moved her hips and ass to the beat.

It was as if she was daring Tobin to do something about the sight in front of her. _It was so fucking hot_. Christen bit her lip as she stared into Tobin’s eyes. She ran her hands down her sides: across her ribs, down her hips, and to her thighs until they came to rest on the hands of the boy behind her. Then, and because he was totally unaware of the fact that Christen was essentially eye fucking someone else, the boy bent down and sucked on Christen’s neck.

Christen closed her eyes, feeling hot and overwhelmed. She was imagining Tobin doing this to her. The jealousy on Tobin’s face had been so hot. She imagined the older girl behind her, dragging her lips and teeth along her neck.

Just before her eyelids shut, though, she’d seen a flash. Maybe it was a flash of Tobin’s anger? Her sadness? She leaned into the soccer player’s lips just for a second before taking his hands in hers and removing them her hips. She spun around saying “thanks for the dance” and leaving the stunned young man standing motionless on the dance floor, mouth agape. Christen searched everywhere for Tobin, but the girl was gone.

_Shit_, she thought, _I pushed her too far._

* * *

Tobin made her way into the street muttering the word _fuck_ on loop. She rounded the corner toward campus chastising herself out loud

“She’s straight, you fucking knew that. Fuck, Tobin. You’re drunk. And she’s straight. Get it together!”

She smacked herself on the cheeks a couple of times before sitting down on the curb dizzy and exhausted, overwhelmed by emotion. She remembered, then, that one of her teammates had given her two tablets of oxy at the party. Tobin hadn’t intended to take it, pocketing it instead with the intention of throwing it away later. Still, sitting on the curb, she reasoned “a pain reliever is exactly what I need right now.”


	26. so, don’t blink or you might miss it.

By the time Tobin got back to her dorm building she felt like everything was moving at a snail’s pace. She wasn’t sure how she’d arrived at that spot. _Had she taken a short cut? The long way?_ She fumbled with her keys for several minutes as she tried to find the right one to put in the outside lock. She scratched all around the lock until she finally pushed the key in properly. She took the elevator to the fourth floor, accidentally stopping on the second floor along the way.

As she stumbled down the hall everything started to look blurry and her vision started to tunnel. “Fuck.” She muttered leaning up against the wall. She tried to pull out her phone to call Kelley but couldn’t read the screen or the buttons. She felt the earth shift 90 degrees and felt like gravity was pulling along her left side, rather than at her feet. The last thing she clearly remembered was hearing a distant voice as a face entering her vision. It was a face with olive skin and eyes that reminded her of the forest, and it made her feel calm.

“Tobin? Hey, Toby? Look at me, okay? Tobin?” the voice sounded distressed “Tobin? How much did you drink, Toby? Hey, look at me, don’t close your eyes, okay? I need you to stay with me. Can you stand up? Can you move?”

Tobin mumbled “yours only in another universe” as her eyes started to close.

Tobin felt like she had just blinked, but all of a sudden she was somewhere else. She was on her back and the distressed voice had been replaced with that of an older man “19-year-old female, heart rate 30 BPM, shallow breathing, restricted and unresponsive pupils, reports of slurred speech and impaired motor ability.”

She blinked again and her vision was flooded with bright florescent light. She tried to raise her hands to block it but they wouldn’t move.

She blinked again and felt like she couldn’t breathe. There was a pain in her nose and throat and her eyes were watering. She felt like she was choking. She heard a loud noise and felt like her body was being pulled apart from the inside. Then she felt a sudden coolness in the pit of her stomach that made her want to wretch. She tried and tried to move. Her arms worked this time, but she found herself pulling back against a set of restraints. As she struggled, she felt herself immediately losing strength.

She blinked once more and found the light around her softened. Her body felt better. She felt someone’s hand in hers. She stirred slightly and tried to speak but her mouth felt dry and incapable.

“Don’t try to talk, bud. It’ll just hurt. It’s okay. I’m right here. You just need to get strong” Her best friend’s voice filled her ears and she felt her growing panic wane. Kelley’s face came into focus above her as she let out a long sigh. “What are we going to do with you, Tobin Powell Heath?”


	27. Game-day again;

**October 7, 2007- Gainesville, Florida**

Game days were sacred to Christen. Her routine involved meditation, visualization, and some last-minute studying of recent stats and strategy. The Gators were playing against the University of Kentucky. They were expected to make easy work of them but Christen took every game seriously.

As she did her morning meditation, Christen found her mind wandering to the idea of the multiverse. She was thinking about everything Kelley told her the night before—about how choice could split everything, but that life would go on either way. She found that she was connecting with the idea of choice being bigger than one lifetime and yet smaller all the same. She wondered what she was like in the other universe. It seemed she had stayed in California. Tobin called her the governor’s daughter. Maybe the California in the other timeline was better—more accepting. Maybe all of the turmoil of the race hadn’t driven her to leave the state. Maybe she was still in a relationship; still in love.

When Christen’s alarm went off reminding her to head to Pressly stadium, she quietly gathered her belongings, trying not to wake Julie and headed toward the locker room. She made her way slowly, soaking up the October air. She visualized her runs, the plays the team had created for set pieces, imagined bending the ball into the far post corner. She was in the zone. She was ready.

* * *

The Gators beat the Wildcats 1-0 on a goal from Christen assisted by Kelley.

The whole team went out to a late lunch to celebrate at a restaurant just across from campus at a place called _The Swamp_. The air was buzzing with excitement as the girls recounted moments from the game cheering the outstanding defensive plays and Christen and Kelley’s connection for a goal.

When they’d finished lunch, Christen excused herself to the restroom. In the restroom by the sink she noticed a small hot pink flyer pinned to the wall that said “Tobin Heath, Live in concert, October 20, 2007, The Swamp.”

“Huh,” she mused aloud to nobody “I wonder why she didn’t tell me about this.”


	28. I want so much to believe

**Gainesville**

Christen returned to her dorm after lunch and immediately knocked on her RA’s already-open door.

“Hey!” Tobin greeted her enthusiastically when she looked up to find Christen “Kell told me you were a star today. Congratulations. I wish I would have been there to see it.”

“Thanks. I wish you would have been there, too. You should come next time. We’re away next weekend but are home the weekend after that.”

“I’d really like that.”

Then, with a mischievous smile Christen prodded “anything going on that weekend? Or do you think you’ll be able to make it?”

“That Sunday? Nope, no plans.”

“Oh, the game is on Saturday night. The 20th.” Christen lied.

“Oh, the 20th? Oh, yeah, I have something I’m supposed to do that night. Maybe the next time?”

Christen laughed at Tobin “Oh, too bad, what do you have going on?”

“Just a little thing I agreed to do that I can’t really get out of.”

“Oh yeah, does this little thing involve you playing a concert, by any chance?”

Tobin gave her a sheepish look, “it does, how did you—”

“I saw it in the bathroom at The Swamp. Did you not think they’d advertise? Tobin, this is really exciting! You should invite the whole hall. I’m sure everyone will want to see you!”

“Chris, it’s no big deal. I’m mostly going to be playing cover songs for drunk frat guys and sorority girls who are celebrating our mourning the Football game against Kentucky. I don't think anyone will even want to come.”

“Tobin. It is a big deal! You’re preforming live! And, we definitely want to come see our awesome RA play! If you invite all of us we’ll drown out the drunkies.”

“Well, you can’t go anyway. You have a game, right?” Tobin looked a bit dejected.

“Oh, that. Yeah, it’s Sunday. I was lying because I wanted you to tell me that you were playing a freaking concert!”

Tobin laughed and smiled at Christen. Eventually she agreed to let Christen send out an announcement to the hall. The two girls continued with easy conversation, laughing genuinely with one another, until Christen excused herself to her room citing a need to rest for a while before doing all of the homework she’d been neglecting that weekend.

When she got back to her desk, she saw a new notification from other-universe Tobin.

* * *

Christen sent Tobin an email last night after she’d talked to Kelley. She found herself genuinely wanting to believe that Kelley was right—about universes and this being another Tobin. She hoped the forward and her RA were not just pulling an elaborate prank. She smiled as she opened the email and started to read.

* * *

_Email To: Christen Press <pressc@ufl.edu>  
_ _From: Tobin Heath <heatht@ufl.edu>_

_Christen! _

_Yes, Kelley has been giving me the hard sell on this multiverse thing. I am starting to believe her. _

_Today is October 7, 2007. Yes, I’m at UCLA. I’m here on a soccer scholarship, of course. _

_We played Santa Clara today at home and won 4-1. Are football schedules the same in your universe? Did UCLA play Santa Clara and win today in your universe too? _

_It looks like you’re at Florida? Kelley says she almost went there. Weird to think about living on the east coast! _

_I just googled it and Florida played Kentucky today in my universe. They won 1-0. What about in your universe? Did “we” play? Did we win? Did I score? I scored here at UCLA. Kelley did, too! _

_Yeah, your mom won the 2006 election in California. She’s our governor. She won by a landslide over Arnold Schwarzenegger. I got to meet her when you, well, my universe you, moved in across the hall. She seems really nice. She didn’t win there? You’re telling me Schwarzenegger got elected outside of a recall election? Wow. It’s kind of ionic, I guess, that he has anything to do with this multiverse, different timeline stuff. You know, being the terminator? _

_I have a lot of questions for you too, but Kell and I are heading out to celebrate the win. Is she a total pain in your ass there, too? _

_Be well!_

_Yours from Another Universe (I like that), _

_Tobin P. Heath_

* * *

She penned a quick response and pressed send before lying down on her bed with her textbooks.

_Email To: Tobin Heath <heatht@ufl.edu>  
_ _From: Christen Press <pressc@ufl.edu>_

_Tobin, _

_Kelley is, indeed, a pain in the ass here. It seems like that would be true in any universe. _

_Today is also October 7, 2007 and, yes, we go to the University of Florida. We did play Kentucky today and we won 1-0 on a goal I scored (assisted by Kelley). It looks like UCLA won 4-1 today here as well. Weird, do you think box scores and schedules are predestined or something? _

_As for the “we,” you don’t play soccer here. You’re my RA and you play guitar, but you’ve barely ever mentioned soccer (other than when Kelley brought it up to you a few days back). It was apparently the first time you’d seen each other since a U-20 game in Brazil. According to the news, you had a bunch of scholarship offers, but quit sometime your senior year and lost them. They say something about “personal turmoil.” You are here on an academic scholarship, though. Some really competitive foundation scholarship. _

_Do I play soccer there? It seems impossible to imagine I wouldn’t. Are we teammates?_

_I’m glad my mom won the election there! Your California must be different than mine; more accepting. It makes me happy that at least she won somewhere. I think she really deserved it. She is so loving and supportive of me. _

_So, what am I like there? And, what are you like? Tell me about you. I want to know how much you’re like my universe’s Tobin. She’s pretty great. _

_Do you hate being called Toby there, too?_

_Yours from Another Universe, _

_Christen A. Press_

* * *

Christen tried not to worry that she’d totally lost her connection to the other universe when Tobin didn’t respond for almost a week. Still she couldn't help letting her mind wander as the days passed by. She wondered whether she’d said something wrong. She wrote a simple email reply saying "Hi, I haven't heard from you in a while, just checking in." But received no response. 

She told Julie that the “stalker” had disappeared, and she told Kelley she thought the connection had been lost. She felt a pang of guilt, thinking she might have squandered her only connection to this other universe Tobin by arguing with her for so many days.


	29. please don’t play games.

**October 14, 2007- Los Angeles, CA**

_Email To: Christen Press <pressc@ucla.edu>  
_ _From: Tobin Heath <heatht@ucla.edu>_

_Hi Christen,_

_Sorry that it’s been a while since I’ve written. Things around here have been a little chaotic for me._

_I’m currently serving a three-game suspension for underage drinking. I got a little out of hand at the party I was talking about in my last email and ended up in the hospital getting my stomach pumped. It was the worst feeling in the world._

_The doctors said I was really lucky to make it out okay, and I feel really blessed that I didn’t have to deal with any legal issues. They sent in a psychiatrist to evaluate me. I guess they thought I was trying to kill myself. I wasn't, I was just being dumb and making emotional decisions._

_Coach Ellis is making me run extra laps before and after every practice to “consider what I did.” I’m definitely not the first person to be busted for underage drinking, and I don’t think it’s going to jeopardize my career long term, but I feel really really bad about it. I want to be a leader on this team, but that’s going to require me to have more self-control. I'm really lucky, all things considered. It could have been a lot worse. _

_Wow, it’s so weird to hear that I’m not on the team with you. I honestly can’t imagine that there is a universe where I don’t play soccer (although, I guess I don’t play soccer in this universe right now). It would have to be some real hellish personal shit to get me off the pitch. Was I injured or something? Can you find out what happened to me? I feel bad for my alternate reality self. Do I seem okay?_

_Oddly enough, you don’t play on the team here either. You and I are dorm neighbors and you’re just an ordinary daughter-of-the-governor type. _

_Not that you’re ordinary. You’re pretty extraordinary. You’re clever, funny, and fascinating. You’re a little dorky, but in an adorable way. When you walk into a room, the whole place gets brighter. I’m just getting to know this universe you but you’re already one of my favorite people I’ve ever met. I just feel like I can trust you. You know?_

_I’m 99% sure that you’re majoring in political science and public policy. You told me a couple of weeks ago that want to be like your mom one day. I think you can do it. I’ll definitely vote for you. Do you have political ambitions there? _

_As for me, I’m a just soccer player. People tell me I’m pretty laid back. I like to hang out with friends and surf. I’m a communications major. Kelley is my best friend and roommate. _

_My life goal is to make the US Women’s National Senior Team and to play professionally. The soccer world has been saying they’re going call me up to the team for Olympic qualifiers. It would be a dream come true. Hopefully this hospital thing doesn’t ruin anything. Anyway, for now, I’m a UCLA Bruin, a midfielder, and I’m hoping that we’ll take it all the way to the ship!_

_Okay, that was a lot of information. I don’t know why I am pouring my heart out to a possible stalker who has fooled me into thinking she is Christen Press in another universe. If it really is you, though, I want to hear more about you. What are you passionate about? What makes Florida Christen Press tick?_

_Yours in Another Universe,   
_ _Tobin_

_p.s., I do dislike the name Toby. I think I might let my Christen get away with calling me that, though. _

* * *

After Tobin pressed send, she felt a bit guilty. She knew was lying by omission. Tobin didn’t want to tell alternate-reality Christen was what happened to her-reality Christen. The mess she’s been in.

The day Tobin left the hospital she’d seen the tabloid headline while she was checking out at the grocery store “Governor Press’ Naughty Daughter.” Below the headline she saw the picture of Christen grinding on that guy at the party, his mouth on her body. It made Tobin feel sick to her stomach all over again.

Tobin also didn't let the other Christen know that she hadn’t seen her-reality Christen in days, despite knocking on her door several times.

Christen was holed up. When Tobin would knock, Alyssa would come outside and simply tell Tobin to leave. Tobin would plead, telling Alyssa she wanted to thank Christen for calling an ambulance. But Alyssa just said she’d pass the message along.

When Tobin walked by their room, she would stare at the wood grain in the door and will positivity to pass through it and reach Christen. Her heart was broken for the girl. She felt responsible somehow, like she could have stepped in. At the party she did see someone taking a picture of the dance floor right as she was leaving, she remembered the flash going off. Still, she was too caught up in herself to consider the ramifications.

So, unable to talk to her own Christen she felt like she might get some piece of her, and some absolution through email—like she’d repented for her wrongdoing. So, she was determined to cling to any possible contact with Christen even if it wasn't _really_ Christen. 


	30. I can feel you across space and time

**October 15, 2007- Gainesville, FL**

When Christen read the email she experienced so many emotions. Her initial reaction was panic and ache as she read about Tobin in the hospital. Her cheeks flushed with embarrassment as Tobin doted on her (_well, not her, but other her_). She smiled softly as Tobin described herself. Finally, her breath caught as read the words “_my Christen_.” She wishes, she admits to herself then, that she was *her* Tobin’s Christen. She writes back immediately, thrilled to have the connection to the other universe again.

* * *

_Email To: Tobin Heath <heatht@ufl.edu>  
_ _From: Christen Press <pressc@ufl.edu>_

_Tobin, _

_Oh my god. Are you okay? That sounds really crazy. I’m so glad you’re not hurt or in jail or kicked off the team. I hope Kelley is looking out for you and taking care of you. Wow, that’s a weird sentence to type. Let me know if there is anything I can do—ya know, from another universe. I feel your Christen would be willing to help, too. She can’t be THAT different from me, right? _

_I’m not really sure what made you quit soccer. I just know what I’ve read. Maybe someday, I’ll ask my Tobin. You do seem okay. You seem happy. Sometimes I do hear you playing sad songs in your room, but it’s college. _

_It’s funny that you’d say that I light up a room. I swear your smile could power this town. You really are extraordinary, too. You’re thoughtful, compassionate, hilarious, and you give great hugs. I feel like I can always rely on you to have my back. I’m a big fan of yours. Honestly, I have a little crush on you, well, my Tobin. But she’s really strict about the RA stuff and maybe doesn’t even like girls. Either way I don’t think I have a shot with her. _

_You’re a psychology major here and so am I. We don’t have any classes together yet, because I’m still in intro, but I hope we do in the future. _

_I don’t think I would want to be a politician. Too icky. I saw some of the choices my mom’s advisors said she had to make to keep her position and they just felt wrong. They felt wrong to my mom, too, which is maybe ultimately why she lost. Things must be different there, for you all. Politics must be less jaded. People must be more open. _

_I’ve never been called up to a national team, but I share your ambition. Kelley, who’s been playing on the U-20 for a while, thinks I’ll get called up soon. Probably not for these Olympics (way to go, you if that happens to you!), but maybe by the 2011 World Cup? Fingers crossed. I just plan to put my head down and train hard every day hoping I can make it. _

_I want to turn the question back to you: am I okay there, without soccer? It’s just such a huge part of my identity here. I’m not sure what I’d do without it. Apparently, I’d try to become a politician. LOL!_

_Other than soccer, I’m really passionate about meditation and connection to the universe. Oddly, I feel like this email thread is some amazing way for me to get in touch with all that is and could have been. It's like a deeper connection to the universe. I usually prefer snail mail, but I’ve really been enjoying this. I love getting emails from you. _

_I’m also passionate about my family. As I mentioned, my parents have been so supportive through everything I’ve done. Plus, my sisters are my rocks, my foundation. I feel like they tether me to the ground when I threaten to float away. Sometimes they’re the only people who can understand what I’m thinking. _

_Okay, back to coursework. I hope to hear from you soon, Tobin. _

_Yours in Another Universe (Good choice, I like that better),  
_ _Christen_

* * *

Before she pressed send, Christen deleted the line:

_Honestly, I have a little crush on you, well, my Tobin. But she’s really strict about the RA stuff and maybe doesn’t even like girls. Either way I don’t think I have a shot with her._

It was too much of an admission for now.


	31. But, why are you here

**October 20, 2007- Gainesville, Florida**

Christen crossed through the white picket gate at _The Swamp_ restaurant and took a seat at a table near the stage. Tobin wouldn’t be going on for another hour but Christen wanted to make sure she got a good seat. Christen was riding a high—Florida won their game against Auburn on Friday 2-0, with Kelley and Christen both scoring.

She’d come alone, even though she knew others would eventually join her. Nobody was as willing as she was to come early. She pretended she wanted to see the band playing before Tobin, but, really, she had no idea who they were. She just wanted a good seat.

* * *

Over the past couple of weeks, Christen had exchanged regular emails with alternate-reality Tobin. She couldn’t help the creeping feeling that this other Tobin was also her-reality Tobin in some way. She couldn’t stop herself from telling the other girl all about herself. She was feeling increasingly closer to her. Consequently, she couldn’t stop herself from wanting her-reality Tobin even more. She still didn’t know if Tobin liked girls or could possibly like her. She thought about asking the other reality Tobin if she liked girls, but the subject of romance just never came up. They’d talked about their childhoods, their parents, their life goals, but conversation never made its way to love. Christen was enjoying the exchange so much, she never wanted to sour it with what might feel like rejection.

Deep down, it all felt a little bit crazy. She felt like she might be doing something wrong the moment she lied to Tobin and Kelley about it.

The three were out for lunch one day and Tobin asked “Hey, Chris, what ever happened with that weird email thing where you were getting messages from me but not me?”

Kelley immediately started “Tobin, what do you know about quantum—”

But, Christen cut her off by blurting out, “Oh, I haven’t heard anything else from them and I.T. thinks it was just a fluke or something.”

Kelley’s eyes went wide before turning to give Christen a knowing look that said, “we’ll discuss this later.” Christen had effectively avoided the subject with Kelley since.

The truth is that Christen knew it was weird and wrong to be talking to _Tobin_ without Tobin knowing. She worried that the other girl wouldn’t believe her and Kelley; that it would scare her off. She promised herself she would tell Tobin the truth soon, but every time she thought about telling the older girl, she couldn’t even figure out where to begin start.

* * *

The band playing before Tobin came on, and noise started pounding through the speakers pulling Christen back to earth. She sipped her drink and watched them idly, thinking about how to tell Tobin about the emails. As she was losing herself in thought again, she caught a glimpse of Tobin walking in carrying her guitar.

Tobin was in a cutoff white t-shirt and light jeans. _God_, _her arms looked amazing_. Christen shivered as she remembered the time Tobin had hugged her and held her. She’d been comforting Christen, but when it was done, Christen couldn’t help but feel the memory of those arms burned into her skin. She wondered what they’d feel like embracing her as the two of them moved together in the darkness of Tobin’s room. When she was alone Christen would often find herself doing this, remembering and wondering. And, now, she was remembering and wondering now _in this very public place_.

“Obvious much?” Kelley’s spoke loudly over the music, derailing Christen’s somewhat-filthy train of thought.

“What are you talking about Kelley?”

“Please, Chris. You want Tobin. Badly. You’re like a fucking conifer with all this pining.”

Christen hummed in response, not even attempting to deny it.

“Maybe it would work in another universe, Kel. But in this one, she doesn’t want me. I don’t even know if she likes girls.” Christen said, resigned.

Just as Kelley was about to argue with Christen, Lauren and Amy arrived and asked to join them. The four were caught up in hugs and conversation moved on.

Before they knew it, the first band was off stage and Tobin was taking her place and plugging her guitar in to a chorus of slightly drunken screams. Christen looked around and noticed that she was not the only person in the area who seemed to want Tobin Heath. There were at least three girls who screamed “I love you” and several incantations of “ow ow” as Tobin smiled sheepishly on stage and tuned her guitar. Christen really hadn’t realized how popular Tobin was. 

“God, she’s sexy” Christen heard a girl at the next table over say to her friend in a slightly hushed tone. “She was in my stats class last year and I honestly don’t think I heard a single word the professor said. It’s a miracle I passed.”

Her friend replied, “Girl, you know I’m straight as an arrow, but after going to her concert last semester, I’m pretty sure I’d let that girl bend me in any direction she pleased. Ugh, that voice.”

Christen glanced casually at the two girls and felt her body heat up. They were hot. Like, model hot. The picture of southern college beauty: straight bleach-blonde hair, slim frames, cleavage you wanted to burry your face in. They had just enough of an accent to make you feel like they were a little wild if you got them alone but also knew how to bake an outstanding blueberry pie to take to your parents’ house for Christmas. _Tobin had hot southern blonde groupies_.

The heat rose up Christen’s neck as she started to feel simultaneously inadequate and jealous. She suddenly felt like she understood why Tobin didn’t seem to want her: Tobin could do much better than Christen. Maybe she did like girls but Christen wasn’t her type.

Christen was mentally spiraling. She felt off kilter. She closed her eyes and tried to calm her racing thoughts. _Not again, don’t fall for someone who won't think you’re good enough. _She thought to herself.

She kept her eyes closed as she took a sip of her drink trying to re-center herself. Tobin started to play a soft melody, picking the strings of her guitar. Christen kept her eyes closed letting the sound wash over her. Tobin started to sing:

_We’ll do it all, everything, on our own  
_ _We don’t need anything or anyone  
_ _If I lay here, if I just lay here  
_ _Would you lie with me and just forget the world?_

Christen felt Tobin’s voice pulling her back to earth. Grounding her. It was like getting a letter from l loved one. She opened her eyes and turned to the stage. Tobin looked radiant up there. She looked like she belonged. Then, Tobin turned her head and her eyes locked with Christen’s. Christen wanted to shy away, but she didn’t. As Tobin sang, it seemed like she was singing just to Christen:

_I don’t quite know how to say how I feel  
_ _Those three words are said too much, they’re not enough  
  
_ _If I lay here, if I just lay here  
_ _Would you lie with me and just forget the world?_

_Forget what we’re told_  
_Before we get too old  
_ _Show me a garden that’s bursting into life_

Christen was sporting the world’s cheesiest grin as she watched Tobin. Kelley elbowed her in the ribs. She knew the girl was just going to make fun of her for the amorous look on her face, so she ignored it and just stared at Tobin

“Chris!” Kelley’s voice was a short and harsh whisper.

“What?” Christen replied sharply as she turned to give Kelley an annoyed look. Kelley captured her eyes and then directed her gaze just behind Christen nodding upward and raising her eyebrows.

Christen turned to where Kelley was looking find Julie standing next to a girl who looked exhausted and whose face was tear-soaked. Christen left her seat immediately and rushed toward them, eyes wide.

“What? What are—what are you doing in Florida?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gary Lightbody playing a very simple (original) version of Chasing Cars (the song in the chapter): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pVgCh617rSM


	32. it’s just totally unexpected.

**October 21, 2007- Los Angeles, California**

Tobin hadn’t seen Christen in almost two weeks.

Her suspension was over, though, and they’d just beat Cal. Tobin felt a bit little like she was flying. It had felt so good to be back on the field after the suspension. It felt even better to score a goal. She had killed it from midfield that day. She and Kelley were heading to the soccer house to celebrate. The world felt a little more right again. 

Tobin decided to stick to beer only that night. She wasn’t going to risk another hospital visit, and she knew she’d be able to keep her composure if she just had a beer or two an hour.

Although Kelley and Tobin arrived earlier than they had last time, party was already in full force. As they made their way inside, Tobin looked at the dance floor, remembering how Christen’s eyes had captured her own. She tried to shake the feeling, but she was missing Christen—well, the real Christen. She had certainly kept in regular contact with the alternate-reality Christen. She almost trusted the girl on the other side of that email more than Kelley. She felt like she could be genuinely and honestly herself.

The emails also made her feel like she hadn’t lost her Christen here. It was weird, she admitted to herself, but it was her only connection to the governor’s daughter, and she really didn’t want to lose her, even if she never really had her. She felt a deep connection to the girl on the other end of the email, even if she knew it could only be platonic. She wanted Christen in her life any way she could have her.

Tobin was on her third beer and talking to a teammate when Kelley came in from the back of the house with several of the girls from the Cal team. Tobin knew one of them, Nikki, from some summer soccer camps and quickly rushed to wrap the girl up in a hug. They embraced warmly before pulling apart, the two exchanging _It’s so good to see yous_. They were frantically catching up one another on their lives when the girls on Nikki's team started yelling for Nikki to come dance.

“Let’s go dance with them.” Nikki extended her hand out to invite Tobin.

“I don’t know” Tobin said, still feeling a churning in the pit in her stomach when considering the dance floor.

“Yeah, come on, Tobes!” Kelley yelled as she and several other UCLA teammates pushed toward the dance floor.

“Fine.” Tobin relented, as Nikki and Kelley squealed and pulled her on the dance floor.

The girls from both teams were all dancing and joking around. Tobin was having more fun than she’d expected and Kelley had done a full-body sprinkler dance move more than once. Tobin spun around to find one of Nikki’s teammates, the striker, Tobin remembered, dancing close to Nikki whispering something in her ear. Nikki then turned to Kelley and whispered something to her. Kelley loudly yelled over the music “Nope! Single as dollar bill but should be looking for change!” Before she clasped her hands together in front of her body and made her arms move in a wavelike motion from her elbows dancing backward into the crowd.

Nikki approached Tobin and grabbed her hands, spinning herself around like a ballroom dancer in front of Tobin. She laughed, flashed Tobin a shit-eating grin and slotted her legs between Tobin’s, grabbing Tobin’s waist and moving their hips together. “Show me what you’ve learned since soccer camp, Tobin” she shouted. Tobin gave a full body laugh and continued to dance close to Nikki. They’d done it dozens of times before, at camps. The last night, the counselors would always plug in a boom box and all of the girls would take turns dancing together in the middle of a circle of other campers. It was friendly and lovely and even though she wasn’t much of a dancer, Tobin always had fun.

Tonight felt a lot like those nights at camp. Just as Tobin was thinking back to their camp days, the striker that Nikki had whispered with earlier joined them, pressing her front against Nikki’s back. The trio moved in unison, as the new girl stared into Tobin’s eyes. She was gorgeous and had a look in her eye that Tobin couldn’t quite place. _Desperation? Desire?_ No._ Total fucking control._

The three continued this way for about 15 seconds before Nikki flipped her body around so that her back was to Tobin. She grabbed the girl’s waist and spun them both around so that the girl’s back was firmly against Tobin’s front. She grabbed Tobin’s hands and put them behind her own neck, pressing their three bodies together tightly.

Tobin felt a shift in the air. She could feel the girl in front of her dancing on her, but it was quite different from how it had been with Nikki. It was hotter, dirtier, she was dancing like she meant it. She was pressing herself into Tobin, working her. Then, just as the song shifted from T-Pain’s Buy U a Drank to 112’s Peaches and Cream, Nikki yelled that she was going to “BUY ME A DRANK,” and guided Tobin’s hands off of her own neck to her teammate’s hips before taking her leave.

Tobin was starting to feel like she’d been set up. Still, the girl in front of her was moving perfectly to the beat, and it felt amazing. They swayed as the song played on, Tobin content to keep moving alongside this beautiful stranger. The girl grabbed Tobin’s hands and moved them across her body, wrapping herself in Tobin’s arms as she moved against Tobin’s front. Tobin was sure she was dreaming. The whole thing felt entirely too hot to be real. Then, just when she thought it couldn’t get better, the girl spun around, guiding Tobin’s hands to her ass, encouraging Tobin to pull her closer, and slotting their legs together. She trained her gaze on Tobin and sang along to the song.

_I never thought that I would be_ _  
So addicted to you  
On top, underneath, on the side of you  
Better yet baby inside of you_

Tobin felt like she was choking on the air. _This dance floor has some kind of hot-girl dance magic_.

The girl placed her hands around Tobin’s neck and pressed her cheek into Tobin’s as she continued to sing into Tobin’s ear in a low raspy voice. Then, without warning, she nipped at Tobin’s ear and sucked in her earlobe, sending goosebumps cascading down Tobin’s arms.

Tobin could only manage to sputter out “Fuck_._”

The girl pulled back a bit, placing her forehead on Tobin’s pulling down and directing Tobin’s hips so that Tobin was grinding down on her leg. Tobin’s body was on fire. She was pure putty to the girl in front of her. She had not been expecting this when Nikki asked her to dance, but she certainly was not complaining now.

“You have a dorm or an apartment nearby or something?” The girl crooned as she blew into Tobin’s ear and pulled back, biting her own lip, looking at Tobin with needy eyes. She did not need to ask Tobin twice; Tobin took her by the hand and led her out of the party just as the last _you know what I mean, peaches and cream_ came across the speakers.

Once they were outside Tobin pressed the girl’s back against a pillar on the front porch and attacked the girl’s lips with her own. She pushed herself into the girl and the girl moaned into Tobin as she pulled her in and slid her tongue inside Tobin’s mouth. She pulled Tobin in toward herself by the waistband of her jeans, hooking her fingers inside and touching the delicate skin just above Tobin's underwear.

After a few moments, they broke the kiss, both gasping for air. “Your place?” the girl inquired between breaths. “Yes, it’s a little walk, but yes. I’ll make the walk worth it.” Tobin asserted confidently.

They made their way across campus, holding hands, stopping to pin one another against trees, running their hands all over each other in the moonlight. They barely said a word. It was like their vocabulary was only “oh god” and “fuck” and “yes.” They were both so worked up. When they finally made it to Tobin’s dorm Tobin ushered them into the elevator. Tobin had the striker’s arms pinned above her head and was sucking on her neck as the girl straddled her when the door opened to the fourth floor. She was impossibly turned on. _Fuck, she needed this_.

Just as she was about to turn to guide the girl out of the elevator, the girl in front of her opened her eyes widely as her face went white and she gasped. Tobin heard something shattering behind her and spun around to meet forest green eyes, shaky hands, and a large puddle of water marked with glass, and flowers scattered on the floor. The green eyes weren’t looking at her, though, they were trained behind her. Christen’s face held a look somewhere between shock and sorrow.

“What? What are—what are you? Oh my god!” Christen yelled as she looked between them. She covered her eyes, her face flushing. Before anyone could respond Christen turned on her heel and ran down the hall.

“Chrissy!” the girl yelled, pushing roughly past Tobin and breaking into a run in the direction Christen fled.

Tobin felt shell-shocked all she could do was mumble to herself “what the actual fuck?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A stranger in two universes. Is she the same person? I'll try to get you all the chapters that'll resolve your curiosity by the end of today. :-)
> 
> HMU on Tumblr ijsutcrushalot if you have questions, comments, etc. I've been enjoying chatting with y'all!
> 
> Peaches and Cream was a solid early-2000s banger (the lyrics in the chapter are from the explicit version, but the video is the edited version).   
Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wl2NCXzg1FQ  
Explicit version: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=07sz_7s9LUs


	33. Sinkholes and quicksand

**October 20, 2007- Gainesville, Florida**

“What? What are—what are you doing in Florida?” Christen choked out desperate and confused over the sound of Tobin singing. The girl in front of her seemed to be struggling to form words. “Alex, why are you here?”

“Chris, can we talk?” Alex said, barely above a whisper as she closed most of the space between herself and Christen.

Christen wanted to say “no.” Actually, she wanted to say “Fuck, no.” She wanted to yell that Alex had no right to show up after what she did—leaving Christen standing there on the beach and getting in a car to ride away with him. Yeah, him—the guy she’d cheated on Christen with. Why had she even asked to meet? Just to hurt Christen all over again?

She wanted to scream that she’d given up her last chance to talk to Christen when she’d cruelly spat out that being with Christen was a mistake before leaving Christen standing there in the sand, choking on exhaust.

Christen wanted to shout about how totally alone she’d felt after the paparazzi had taken their picture and how much it stung when Alex blamed her for it.

She wanted to cry out that Alex had no fucking right to be anywhere within a thousand miles of her. She wanted to fall to the ground and sob because this was exactly what she wanted to avoid when she’d moved to Florida: she needed to get away from the possibility of ever seeing those blue eyes again. Those eyes made her weak and desperate.

But she didn’t do any of those things, she just quietly nodded and made her way back out of the gate and onto the street, with Alex trailing close behind her. As she left, she could hear Tobin starting to play a more-upbeat song and people starting to clap along. She felt like the world was caving in around her. Like she was at the epicenter of a sink hole standing in quicksand. 


	34. shaking me to my core.

**October 21, 2007- Los Angeles, California**

Tobin stumbled out of the elevator and tried to kick the broken glass into a pile. She picked up the flowers and started to walk them down the hall to Christen’s room. _Maybe Alyssa would let her give these back to Christen? _

Tobin had never seen Christen make a face like that before. She looked like someone had just kicked her in the gut and that she was bracing for it to happen again.

As she got closer she could hear the striker and Christen yelling at one another.

“YOU LEFT ME” the striker protested.

“YOU KNOW I DIDN’T WANT TO, ALEX. YOU KNOW THEY WERE FOLLOWING US EVERYWHERE” Christen yelled back.

“WHATEVER, CHRIS. YOU AND YOUR FUCKING MOM DECIDED I WASN'T GOOD ENOUGH TO BE THE GOVERNOR’S DAUGHTER’S GIRLFRIEND AND SO I’M FUCKING NOT. I LOVED YOU, CHRISTEN.”

“AND I LOVED YOU, BUT IT’S… IT’S… IT’S JUST NOT THAT EASY.”

“IT COULD HAVE BEEN!” Alex screamed before ripping open the door. Her face was beat red and tear-stained. She looked completely broken. “CALL ME IF YOU GET A FUCKING CLUE.” She said before slamming the door behind her.

She placed her head and right hand on the door, holding the door handle with her left hand. She ran her thumb across the wood a few strokes before breathing in sharply. Then she turned locked eyes with Tobin. Her voice was calm and steady, “Listen, you’re really hot and I’m so sorry about this. I just really didn’t expect my emotional baggage to greet me in your lobby. I’m going to go.”

Tobin tried to muster an understanding look and nodded. The girl walked past her, pulling her cell phone out of her back pocket and dialing. Tobin just stood there, still overwhelmed and confused, holding a bouquet of flowers as the girl she'd brought home walked down the hall away from her.

* * *

**October 20, 2007- Gainesville, Florida**

“Is that your friend playing? She’s pretty good, Chris. I could probably put her in contact with one of my dad’s—”

“What are you doing here, Alex?” Christen interrupted, with a biting tone.

They were tucked away from the bustle of University avenue, back a block, standing in front of a run-down garage.

“Chrissy, god, I was so wrong baby. I miss you so much. I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, I know that I did you so wrong. I’m so messed up that my coach wouldn’t even let me play this weekend unless I went to the university counselor. They’re threatening to cut me from the team. Chris, I’m so fucked up over what I did to you. I miss you, and your smile, and your laugh. I just needed to come here and talk to you. To beg for your forgiveness. Please, baby.”

“Lex, I—” Christen hesitated. She felt so weak looking at Alex. Even though she knew she shouldn’t.

“I know, I know I did you wrong. Look at me Chrissy. I’m a wreck. God I’m just so sorry. I think the worst part of losing you was that I lost my best friend. I feel like I’m just floating alone in the world now. Please, babe.”

Christen looked her up and down. The girl really did look awful. She was skinny and pale. Her eyes were sunken.

“Alex, I can’t just magically forgive you. You destroyed me. I’d been putting myself back together for so long, and then you invite me to the beach one day just to rub him in my face? Just to shatter me again? And then I start putting myself back together once again and you just show up in Florida. God, Alex you’re doing it to me again.” Christen felt tears prickling the edges of her eyes. Her chest felt like it was caving in.

“I know” Alex whispered, staring down at her shoes. “Maybe this was a mistake. I swear I didn’t mean to hurt you by coming here. I never want to do that again, Chris… Okay, I’m sorry, I’ll just go.”

As she turned to walk away Christen felt a pang of guilt swell in her throat “Alex, wait. Where are you staying?”

“I don’t know, I didn’t really plan anything other than booking a flight here and badgering Tyler until she gave me your dorm room number.”

Christen gave a small smile. “I can’t just forgive you like that,” she said snapping her fingers “but I’m also not going to just leave you on the street. You can come back to my dorm, okay? I feel really overwhelmed right now, but maybe we can get some sleep and talk in the morning or something.”

“I’d like that.” Alex replied.


	35. I’d rather be with you

**October 21, 2007- Gainesville, Florida**

Christen woke up the next morning feeling warm. There was a body pressed firmly against her back and an arm around her waist. As she felt the person breathing steadily, her first thought was “Tobin Heath” and her first feeling was complete contentment. Her second thought was “Fuck. No. Alex Morgan” and her second feeling was utter confusion.

She carefully moved out from under the other girl’s arm and slipped out of bed. She sat down at her desk and put her head in her hands. She felt overwhelmed. This was not how game days were supposed to start.

She creeped over to Julie’s bed and tapped the other girl until she woke. Julie gave her an eyebrow raise and a knowing look. Christen motioned with her head for Julie to follow her. Julie rolled her eyes and got up following Christen to the hall common room.

When Christen quietly shut the door and moved down the hall toward he common room Julie immediately started:

“Chris, what’s going on? I’m about to head out to Tobin’s concert yesterday when suddenly there’s this beautiful girl knocking on our door crying and saying she’s your ex—which, if she’s THAT ex makes me want to punch her in the face—but she tells me she got your room number from Tyler and flew here from California. So, I take her to you and you look like you’ve seen Casper’s evil uncles and then just disappear with her never to be heard from again. I come back here and you’re like spooning like an old married couple, but you honestly had the saddest look on your face I’ve ever seen.”

“She is that ex, Jules. I don’t know why Ty gave her our room number. She can just be persuasive sometimes. She came here to apologize to me. She seems so desperate.”

“Chris, from what you told me this girl tore you apart. You literally fled California because of her.”

“Jules, yeah, I know. I don’t know what to do. She seems so sincere and I loved her SO much.”

“Chris, that seems like a bad idea, but this is your life. What are you thinking? You said ‘loved’ do you still love her?”

“I don’t know. I don’t think so, but also she’s like my first love and a huge part of me. What if ours is meant to be an epic love story for the ages and I’ll just spoil it if I don’t try to get that feeling back?”

“Chris…”

“I know, Jules."

"Do you really think that, that yours is a love story for the ages?"

"Well... no. Can I be honest? When I woke up this morning and felt her holding me—I kind of wished it was someone else.”

“Oh my god, Chris! Who?”

“Promise you won’t tell anyone?”

“Of course!”

Christen hesitated as her face blushed bright red “Tobin.”

“OH MY GOD YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON OUR RA! I KNEW IT! YOU'RE ALWAYS SWOONING AROUND HER” Julie yelled over Christen’s shushing her. “Christen, that is so cute. Oh my god. Do you think she likes you too?”

“Julie, there’s no way. God you should have seen the girls falling over themselves about her at the concert last night. They were so hot. Like seriously so attractive. And perky.” Only then did it occur to Christen for the first time that she’d left the concert after only one song. She’d been so emotionally exhausted and caught up in Alex that she had almost completely forgotten about the show. Pangs of guilt and shame spread across her body.

“Please, Chris. You’re so hot. And so is that girl you have in your bed. Really not bad looking for a first love.”

“Ugh, what do I do, Julie? With Alex.”

“Well, Chris, I think you can talk to her, but honestly, it sounds like you’ve moved on. She had her shot and she totally blew it.”

“Yeah.” Christen gave a pout as she resigned herself to losing her first love once again. She’d waited for months for a moment like this. For a text from Alex saying “I’m sorry. I love you. Let’s get back together.” Christen would have done it, despite the pain. She just felt like she’d given up so much for Alex, that her family had given up so much for Alex, that it would be worth it. She'd actually thought maybe that's why Alex had invited her to the beach that night.

But thinking about it then, Christen knew: she could forgive Alex, but the way she had walked away so easily—the way she had moved on to the first guy who came her way before even ending their relationship—would taint everything between them forever. She and Alex didn’t have a love for the ages. They had a love for high school. And, honestly, they barely had anything in common outside of soccer and being two of the only WLW in school. Alex broke Christen’s heart, but she also showed her what love didn’t look like. And, Christen was actually grateful for that.

“Well, I guess I need to go have a serious talk with her.”

Julie nodded. “Just give me like 5 minutes and I can pack all of my stuff up and head over to Zach’s.”

“Okay.” Christen agreed. “By the way, Jules” she interrupted as they walked down the hall, “I’m sorry I’ve been such a selfish person lately." Julie started to protest, but Christen cut her off "And, don’t tell me I haven’t been because this is the millionth time you’ve mentioned a guy named Zach and I have no idea who he is.”

Julie chuckled and said “You know Zach. He works at the bookstore. I’m sort of dating him now. Well, we’re taking things slow, seeing how it goes.” Before Christen could put all of the pieces together and yell out in excitement for Julie, they were pushing back inside to the quiet of their room. Christen only managed an excited grin and to punch Julie in the arm.

As they came in, Alex stirred and offered them both a small smile. Christen’s emotions swirled as she took a seat on the foot of the bed. When Julie left, she wished Alex well.

Then, they were alone.

* * *

“Good morning” Christen started.

“Morning, beautiful.”

“Alex, I—” Alex looked at Christen’s expression and could tell what would follow.

“Chris, you don’t have to say anything. I know that I really was asking way too much by coming here and trying to get you back. I don’t know what I was thinking.” She chastised herself.

“Alex, I’m glad you’re here. You’re my first love, and you’ll always have a place in my heart because of that. And, I really love that you came here to ask for my forgiveness. Know that you have it. I think I forgave you a long time ago. Everything was stressful back then, and we were just kids trying to face a huge future while dealing with a chaotic present. I know you didn’t mean what you said.” She paused and took a sharp breath as tears began to fall “but, Alex, you and I would never work. Honestly, I think we were meant to find ourselves with each other, but that we’re really meant for other people. I’ll always cherish you and the time we had, but there’s just not a future here.”

Alex was crying too, now, and she grabbed onto Christen pressing their foreheads together. “Chris, I really am so so sorry. I know how much I hurt you and it hurts me every day to think about it. You were my best friend. I didn’t know how to handle the pressure of being in the tabloids—but that’s not an excuse. What I did and said to you was wrong. It means everything to me that you forgive me, even if we can never be an us again. I do hope that we can still be friends. That's so important to me.”

The two girls hugged tightly, clinging to one another. They both knew that it was the right thing to do—to stay apart—but they still needed to mourn the loss of their first love, together.

After almost a half an hour of holding one another, crying, Christen’s alarm went off. “Lex, I need to get to start getting ready for our game today.” she said wiping her tears and placing her hands on Alex’s shoulders.

“Oh, I totally didn’t think about that, Chris. I'm so sorry.” She said with a shameful smile, before adding with a sniffle “Hey, could I come watch you, like old times when I’d we’d watch each other play club?”

“I’d like that, Lex.”

The girls shared a genuine smile, faces blotchy and eyes puffy from crying. Christen rose and placed a kiss on Alex's forehead, before starting to pack her soccer bag. 

“Hey, Chris, while you’re getting ready, do you think I can use your computer to book a flight home?”

“Of course.”

Christen logged her in and went about her usual routine. Alex booked a red-eye flight for late that evening—_thank god for her parents’ platinum card_—and printed out the confirmation. Christen agreed to borrow Julie or Kelley’s car to take her to the airport.

* * *

The gators won. Alex cheered loudly when Christen scored a goal. To anyone watching, she seemed like a perfectly supportive girlfriend. Especially in the way she hugged Christen after the game, burying her face in Christen's neck.

Christen didn’t notice that her RA, who said she'd be there, was missing from the stands. She also didn't notice the sideways glances Kelley gave her. 

* * *

When Christen dropped Alex off at the airport that evening, they shared a deep hug and promises to catch up when they were back home. Alex walked through the security checkpoint and turned back to waive to Christen before heading off. Both girls felt incredibly sad, but also somehow lighter, like the weight of all of the bad things that happened between them had been lifted.

Christen cried in the car on the way back to her dorm, but she slept better that night than she had in months.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ijsutcrushalot on Tumblr or comment below for questions, comments, music recommendations, etc. A slightly sad and slow chapter, but it'll pick up soon :)


	36. when you could be with me?

**October 21, 2007- Los Angeles, California**

Tobin felt her head spinning. She set the flowers down in front of Christen’s door and took out her own keys to push into hers. She sat down on the futon. She felt like a huge weight was crushing her chest, making it hard to breathe. Her thoughts were racing. _Christen does like girls? She dated that girl? I was going to fuck Christen’s ex? Oh my god, I just totally blew it with Christen. Fuck, there was something to blow with Christen. She saved my life and had the terrible things happen to her in like the same day and I finally see her after weeks and I'm trying to get her ex underneath me. Damnit._

Tobin took out her phone and dialed Kelley’s number. She paced around the room as the phone rang. When the forward didn’t answer the first or the second call, Tobin felt like she was losing it. She really only wanted to talk to one person: Christen.

_Christen!_ It dawned on her, then. She ran to her computer and opened it up. She pressed reply, her fingers typing furiously.

* * *

_Email To: Christen A. Press <pressc@ucla.edu>  
_ _From: Tobin Heath <heatht@ucla.edu>_

_Chris, _

_I fucked up. Like, I think majorly. I didn’t know I was doing it, but I think I really fucked up. _

_I’ll start from the beginning: I have a huge crush on you. My you. I’m talking love songs playing in my brain when I see you. I’m talking stumble over my words and thoughts and physical body when I’m around you. And, see, I thought you were straight. Your mom literally told the media you were straight. There’s a newspaper article about how your straight. I thought it was a hopeless crush. Kelley said you gave her vibes, but I didn’t believe it. And at that party when I ended up in the hospital, you were dancing with some guy. But, you were staring at me, Chris. God it was everything. Your eyes made me feel like we were alone in that room. But, then he kissed you and you looked like you enjoyed it and I thought it meant for sure you were straight and I just lost it. _

_I had to get out of there and I took some pills and they fucked me up badly. Then I saw your face right before everything went dark, and you saved me, Chris. _

_Then pictures of you and that guy dancing were in the news and I didn’t see you for weeks. And, I was so so sure you were straight._

_So, tonight, when a pretty girl asked me to take her home, I said yes. And then we got here and it turns out, she’s YOUR pretty girl. Well, your ex. Alex. Do you know her? And you saw us in the elevator in a…compromising position. Fuck, Chris, the look on your face. I never want to see anything like that again. _

_And then she was yelling at you about how you broke up with her because of your mom, and when she slammed the door and left she said something that made me think she wants you back even though she’s mad. Maybe you want her back? Maybe I’ve shattered every chance I have with you?_

_Chris, please. How do I fix this? Can I fix this?_

_Yours in any universe,  
_ _Tobin_


	37. Can you forgive

**October 22, 2007- Gainesville, Florida**

Christen read Tobin’s email over and over. As she did three things occurred to her in succession:

  * _Tobin has a crush on me in another universe!_
  * _Tobin was going to sleep with Alex?!? _The thought made her shudder with jealousy.
  * _Shit, Tobin was not at my game in this universe. _

Before she could bring herself to reply, she found herself worried that she’d missed any chance she had with her Tobin, as well. So, she stepped into the hall and knocked lightly on Tobin’s door. Christen hadn’t been paying much attention, but now that she was thinking about it, Tobin’s door had been closed the whole time Alex was here.

Tobin came to the door looking adorably disheveled but with bags under her eyes.

“Hey.” Christen softly spoke.

“Hey, Chris.” Tobin said offering a somber smile.

“Hey, I’m sorry I had to leave your show early the other day. This really weird personal thing just happened and—”

“Chris, don’t worry about it.” Tobin cut her off “Kelley told me that your ex showed up from California and that you made up. She told me she spent the night and came to your game and everything. I’m really happy for you Chris, it was just a concert, you hear me play all of the time. Love is important.”

“Tobin, I—I wanted to watch you play. It was important to me. And as for my ex, that's—”

“Chris, it’s none of my business.” Tobin’s tone was suddenly stern. “Listen, I know you’re a morning person but it’s kind of early for me so maybe we can just talk later, okay?”

Christen felt a lump form in her throat but she nodded as Tobin cast her eyes downward and closed the door. She wished she could have stopped the girl from closing the door. _Kissed her until she was happy._

It occurred to Christen then: Tobin might have screwed up with her in the other universe, but she definitely screwed up with Tobin in this universe. _Does Alex keep me from Tobin in every universe?_

She went back to her room, sat down and started to type.

_Email To: Tobin Heath <heatht@ufl.edu>  
_ _From: Christen A. Press <pressc@ufl.edu>_

_Tobin, _

_Our universes are colliding again. Alex just showed up here, too. While I was at your concert. I swear one moment it was like you were singing to me and the next she was just there, begging for my forgiveness for breaking my heart. I left with her, and we cried a lot, and hugged a little, and I forgave her. But then, I put her on a plane. We’re just friends now, and it feels right. We were never meant for anything more than high school. But now, you won’t look me in the eyes. I think you think we’re back together._

_Tobin, I have a crush on you, too. A heart-beating-out-of-my-chest dream-about-you-every-night crush. I woke up next to Alex yesterday (nothing happened, she just didn’t have anywhere else to stay) and I wished so much it was you. I’m so hopeless for you, Toby. And now, I’m scared I ruined any chance I had with you. You were already too good for me and then this happened. _

_Tobin, do you think we can fix this? What if we could be each other’s in every universe? I think it might be the right thing. If soccer scores and schedules are the same in every universe, maybe we can be too. Maybe we can transcend the multiverse._

_Tobin, connecting with you this way—across universes—makes me feel like maybe we’re bigger than the decisions that brought us here. Like maybe we’re meant to be. I just don’t know how to get there. So, I’ll ask your question back to you: How do I fix this here?_

_As for my answer to you, I want to tell you that I have a lot of capacity for forgiveness. I had no idea how much until Alex showed up and begged for it. She shattered my heart—she cheated on me and dumped me as soon as my mom came out in favor of gay marriage and pictures of us appeared in the Tabloids. She was my first love and she broke me into a million pieces. But, Tobin, it was easier to forgive her than I would have imagined. And, if your universe Christen feels even a quarter of the way that I do about my Tobin, she will forgive you, too. _

_I’ve always loved the ocean, since I was a little girl. It calms me down, it makes me feel centered when I am lost. _

_Tobin, take her to coast. Take her somewhere that you can be alone and tell her everything you wrote to me. Tell her about the love songs and the stumbling and about how afraid you are that you lost your chance with her. Tell her that you like her eyes—I’m a sucker for that. I think it’s simple, Tobin. I think you just have to tell her. _

_Yours in any universe,  
_ _Chris_


	38. we need a plan.

**October 22, 2007- Los Angeles, CA**

When Tobin read Christen’s email it sent her heart soaring. She found herself repeating over and over in her head: _maybe we’re bigger than the decisions that brought us here. _So, she eagerly types back a quick response:

* * *

_Email To: Christen A. Press <pressc@ucla.edu>  
_ _From: Tobin Heath _ [ _heatht@ucla.edu_ ](mailto:heatht@ucla.edu)

_Chris, _

_I feel like I know you so well even though we’ve only been talking for a little while. I feel like even the best version of me will never be too good for you—you are wonderful, Chris. Please believe that._

_Your plan, it’s perfect for me too. Take me to the ocean and tell me how you feel. If your Tobin is even a fraction of as much of a sucker for you as I am, it’ll work. _

_I will let you know how it goes here. Until then!_

_Yours in every universe,  
_ _Tobin_

* * *

Then she turns to Kelley:

“Kell, I think we need to hatch a plan.”

* * *

Tobin tried for the next couple of weeks to get in touch with Christen. She called her dorm phone, knocked on her door, and even waited outside of some of Christen’s classes. Unfortunately, though, it seemed like Christen didn’t want to talk to her. Somehow, she was always missing the girl or Alyssa was blocking her path (like the good keeper she is).

Finally, one morning after soccer practice one day, Tobin pulled Alyssa aside as they were leaving the locker room.

“Listen, I know maybe I have no right but how is she, Lyss?”

“Tobin, she caught her ex, whom she never really had closure with, trying to sleep with her friend and neighbor after two weeks from hell, how do you think she is? First, she finds you overdosing in the hall and she’s worried sick about you when her mom calls and berating her for those pictures in the tabloids. Her sister stopped by and she cried in her lap for hours. She was just getting better and then you try to bring home her ex!”

Tobin gives Alyssa a look of shame, “Lyss, I really like her. Like I’m into her.”

“Tobin, she’s just a random player from Cal. Kelley told me you hadn’t even talked to her before you were pulling her out the door to—”

“Alyssa” Tobin spoke stopping the goalkeeper’s words “Christen. I really like Christen.”

Alyssa’s face registered a look of genuine surprise. “What?”

“Yeah, I’ve liked her for a long time. But I thought she was straight, and now I feel like I fucked everything up. But…” Tobin pauses with a sigh “But, Lyss, I think she and I could be really good together. Every time I spend time with her I just want to be around her more. It’s been painful this past month without her, like something’s missing from my life. Lyss, I know she probably doesn’t want to see me, but do you think there’s any way—” Tobin trails off letting her words hang in the air.

“You really like her?” Tobin nods sheepishly.

“I—I think she might be open to talking to you.”

“Really?” Tobin exclaims, her face lighting up with hope.

“Yeah, maybe.”

“Do you think, maybe, she’d even be willing to go somewhere with me?”

“I don’t know, Tobin. I guess you can ask her.”

“So, you won’t block the door if I come to try to talk to her?”

Alyssa laughed as she shook her head “not this time, but trust me when I say if you fuck this up, Heath, I’ll make her call those secret service people on you and they’ll make sure you never nutmeg again.”

Tobin laughed and turned with a grin to run back into the locker room. “I won’t fuck it up!” She yelled over her shoulder. Then, she rounded the corner holding onto the door and shouted to Kelley: “We’re on!”

Tobin made her way back to her dorm, took a shower, and put on her favorite pair of ripped jeans and a slim-fitting t-shirt. She even dried her hair and put on some mascara. Just before leaving her room she sent a quick text to Kelley “here goes nothing.”

Tobin knocked on the door to room 411. Alyssa answered giving Tobin a look that told her things were not great on the other side. The room was dimly lit. Alyssa said, “just a sec,” and went back into the room, Tobin holding the door behind her. After hushed whispers Alyssa finally came back and pushed past Tobin saying, “I’m going to give you two a minute, okay?”

Tobin entered the room to find Christen bundled in a UCLA hoodie, looking exhausted. She was sitting back on her bed with a textbook in her lap. She gave Tobin expectant eyes and a sad half-smile, raising her eyebrows slightly, challenging the other girl to explain her presence.

“Hi.” Tobin started.

“Hi.” Christen’s voice was meek.

“Chris, I have a lot to say, but first, will you come for a drive with me?”

“Tobin, I’m not really up to go out, look at me. And, I just don’t know. I’m not sure I’m up for spending time in a tin can… with you.” Christen gazed at her with cautious eyes.

“Chris, we won’t go anywhere busy, I promise. I just. I want to show you something. Please. It can be the last favor you ever do me.”

They sat in silence for a moment before Christen finally gave a small nod and stood up. To this day, Tobin is not sure what made Christen change her mind in that moment, but she is eternally thankful for whatever did.


	39. In need of a friend

**November 15, 2007, Gainesville, FL**

It was a week before Thanksgiving and the weather in Florida was still in the 60’s and 70’s. It reminded Christen of home—the way that winter seemed to save itself up until the last possible moment. She also loved that people in Florida were inclined, as was she, to dawn winter gear the moment they felt an inkling of cold.

The humidity in Gainsville seemed to die a bit as the temperature fell below the 80s and Christen enjoyed moving around the large campus. She generally hated the cold, but Florida cold wasn’t so bad. Christen loved to get up early to go for runs among the fog as it encapsulated the red brick buildings. She felt like she could feel the university’s 150+ years in those moments. Like she was part of something bigger than just her 4-year education. She wondered what the university was like in other universes. Someone must have decided to build it. Was there a timeline where here was no University of Florida at all?

Christen had only seen Tobin in passing since the last time she’d knocked on her door. Tobin had been skillfully avoiding Christen. Christen had even dropped in a couple of times when Tobin was playing only to find Lauren sitting at Tobin’s desk. Even though Christen wanted to get the girl alone, Lauren would politely find every way possible to stay in the room.

She hadn’t heard back from other-universe Tobin, either. She worried that her advice hadn’t panned out and she was now being avoided by Tobin in two universes. Nevertheless, she knew she had to try to fix this rift between them here. When she got back from her run that morning she called up Kelley on her dorm and started “Kell, will you help me make a plan? A plan to try to win over Tobin.”

* * *

Later that night, Christen found herself knocking on Amy Rodriguez’s door.

“Hi, Christen!” Amy gave her a warm smile.

“Hey, Aim, can I talk to you about something?”

“Of course, what’s up, Chris?”

“It’s… um… it’s about Tobin.” Christen let out shyly.

“Oh” Amy said, “Chris, I’m not sure I’m the right perso—”

Christen saw this coming, she worried that she would be lost forever if she didn’t get at least one of the other RAs on her side, so she interrupted Amy and blurted out “I like her, Amy. Like, have a crush on her, like her like her.”

“Oh, Christen.” Amy sighed. “Look, I’m going to put my your-friend hat on and my Tobin’s-friend hat on on top of my RA hat, okay?” she pantomimed placing two bowler hats on her head. Christen chuckled softly and nodded.

“I know long distance can be tough for couples, and that it may seem easy to want someone convenient, but I really don’t think it’s fair to your girlfriend, or to Tobin, or to yourself for you to do anything about this crush.”

“I—” Christen looked at Amy, perplexed “I don’t have a girlfriend.”

It was then Amy’s turn to look confused. “That girl from the concert? The one who flew across the country for you? Kelley and Julie said she was your ex who came to win you back, and I saw she stayed in your room with you. And, my friend Ryan said she was cheering so loudly for you at your game and we all just thought…well, we thought you were back with her.”

“She WAS my girlfriend. In high school. She cheated on me and did some really nasty things to me and I guess the guilt just started to eat her up. So, she came to apologize. She did want me back, but I said no—in part because we would have never worked and in part I’m pretty hung up on this other girl you might know.” Christen said with a long sigh.

“Oh, god.” Amy nodded in understanding suddenly putting the pieces together. “Come with me.”

Amy grabbed Christen’s hand and led her down the hall to Lauren’s room. The other RA’s door was still open and Amy dragged them inside closing the door. “Tell her what you told me.”


	40. come to the ocean with me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's happeningggg

**November 17, 2007, Los Angeles, CA**

Christen followed Tobin to Kelley’s small truck. Tobin put the key in the passenger side door and opened it for Christen. When Christen climbed in, Tobin closed the door and made her way around the truck bed to the driver side, where she unlocked the door, pulled it open with a squeak, and climbed in.

Kelley’s truck was nothing special—a 1995 white Toyota two-door. It was raised a bit off the ground and had 4-wheel drive. It was great for the beach, which is why Kelley bought it after moving to LA from Georgia. The interior was plain: carpeted bucket seats, standard radio features, and a torn up dash board. The truck had an extended cab, but Kelley kept the back seats full of random belongings—soccer balls, cleats, surf wax, a tool box, clothes, crushed up cans. _Most adult humans would feel cramped back there anyway._ So, Kelley’s car was a car for two.

Before they pulled out of the parking spot, Tobin popped a tape-to-aux converter into the tape deck and plugged the cord into the headphone jack of her iPod. She circled her thumb around the controls, shuffling through her playlists, until she landed on her playlist “_Songs for Pacific Places._”

Sound filled the cab as Tobin put the car in reverse.

_This is morning  
_ _It’s when I spend the most time  
_ _Thinking about what I’ve given up_

_  
_ _This is a warning  
_ _When you start the day just to close the curtains  
_ _You’re thinking bout what I’ve given up._

“You know, this guy got cancer—Leukemia—right after he recorded this album…” Tobin started.

Christen just stared straight ahead, listening for a second, before deadpanning “Are you about to tell me he’s dead? You thought you’d start this drive off by playing a song by a dead guy?”

“No, actually, he lived. He started a foundation who gives a lot of money now to UCLA and other charities to fight childhood cancer.”

“Wow.” Christen said, genuinely impressed, as she started to listen again.

_You said you meant it  
_ _There’s a piece of me in every single second of every single day  
_ _But if it’s true than tell me how we got this way?_

_Where are you now?  
_ _As I’m swimming through your stereo  
_ _I’m writing you a symphony of sound._

_Where are you now as I rearrange these songs again?  
_ _This mix could burn a hole in anyone  
_ _But it was you I was thinking of _

Tobin was humming along as she pulled off campus and onto Sunset boulevard and headed west toward the hills.

_This is my mixed tape for her  
_ _It’s like I wrote every note with my own fingers_

“In another life, I think I might be a musician.” Christen mused as the track switched.

“In another life, I know I would be.” Tobin laughed, thinking about the things alternate-reality Christen told her about herself. “And in another life, you’d be a college soccer player, looking for your call up to the Senior National Team like I am.”

Christen inhaled sharply. “Tobin, I—uh, why would you say that?” She suddenly worried Tobin had been talking to Alex about her. She hadn’t considered that they stayed in contact. _Oh god,_ _were they dating? _

“I might have some insider information” Christen did not feel better and her face betrayed that fact. Tobin wanted to wipe the look away, but she wasn’t ready to tell Christen about the other universe “I might googled you a little and mentioned you to Coach Ellis” Tobin admitted sheepishly. “You were good, Chris. Why did you stop?”

“Wow. We’re barely off campus and we’re going here already.” Christen said, her face full of regret.

“Oh, Christen, I was just trying to make conversation I swear! We don’t have to talk about—”

“Tobin, it’s okay. I feel like I owe you an explanation, at least a little one. I know I’ve been avoiding you and, well, why I quit soccer is related to that.”

Tobin raised her eyebrows in expectation, keeping her gaze trained on the road.

“So, remember that car accident you asked Lyss and me about earlier this semester? Well, Alex was in the car with me.” Tobin nodded, waiting for the story to evolve. “We were, uh, kissing—she was kissing me while I was driving and this car just pulled out in front of us and suddenly I was slamming on my breaks but it was too late.”

“Oh my god, Chris” Tobin exhaled.

“It’s fine, everyone was fine. Well, my car wasn’t, but everyone involved was. Still, I was really shaken up. When we got out of the car, we were right by the beach, so we just sat on the rocks waiting for the police and a tow truck. I was crying a lot, and shaking, and Alex was holding me. She kissed my head and I guess some onlooker took a picture of it. The next day the picture was everywhere—the tabloids, the news, pinned to my locker at school. My mom hadn’t said anything about gay marriage—actually, she didn’t even know I was seeing Alex, she just thought we were friends. So, the night when the news broke, she called me into her office at our house to talk. She wanted me to do an interview with an LA show that does long-form journalism. They were planning to do a piece on her—California’s potential first female governor—and her campaign manager, Jerry, thought it would be a ‘good time for me to clear up this gay rumor thing.’”

“Wow. That’s a lot. I can’t imagine” Tobin said supportively.

“Yeah, well, I told her I couldn’t ‘clear up the gay rumor thing’ because Alex and I were actually together. I didn’t know what else to say or do. She grabbed my shoulders and told me she loved me and that she would always support me. It all felt so perfect at first. Then Jerry, who hadn’t left the room for this, by the way, was like ‘ma’am can I have a word?’ I stepped outside and when I came back in it looked like my mom had just made one of the hardest and easiest decisions of her life. Her face was steely—I’d never seen her like that.

And then she said ‘Chrissy, Jerry tells me that this type of information, if it was confirmed, could lose us the election. He thinks the South and the Central Valley would turn against me. I, I want to support you in every way, but just think of how much more _good_ we could do if I was in office.’ It felt like a million little needles were piercing my heart. I knew right then that my mom was choosing politics over me.”

“Oh god, Chris, I’m so sorry.” Tobin said placing a supportive hand on Christen’s shoulder across the truck’s console as they drove. Christen wiped tears that were forming.

“Anyway, we cried and talked a lot and eventually I agreed with her; I wouldn’t come out publicly until her second term in office. I tried to keep seeing Alex, but we kept being followed by the paparazzi. Alex blamed me for the whole thing, and stuff started to get bitter between us. Eventually, I just felt like we would never make it and that I was keeping her from living a full life, so I let her go.

She was dating some jerk within 2 weeks—like I hadn’t meant a thing. It was tough. And, then, in that profile, my mom said she was sure I wasn’t gay and that Alex had just been a friend helping me through a tough time, and suddenly every time I was near a guy people were taking pictures and printing them. Everything just got super overwhelming. And, to top it all off, Alex was on my school soccer team with me. She was crying every day the first week after we broke up and I just couldn’t bear to look at her without crying myself. Then, when she started dating that guy, she would flaunt it in the locker room—pretending to talk to our teammates, but doing it loud enough so she knew I heard. Talking about how sweet he was and what sex was like.

I just felt so out of control and broken, and I missed her; what she’d meant to me and what she never could be. So, I just walked into my coach’s office and quit one day and never looked back. I turned down all of the scholarship offers—the pitch was just too painful for me. It reminded me of how I’d squandered my first love. So, from there, I just holed up, found a nice boy at school who wanted to be a model and agreed to be my beard through the rest of high school, and I just lived my life from there. I thought going to college was going to let me start anew. Honestly, I wanted to go out of state—”

“to Florida?” Tobin asked before she could stop herself.

“Yeah, actually, I really considered it. How did you—” Christen visibly shook the question out of her head, “uh…anyway, yeah, but my mom had won the election by the time I was deciding and she said it would look bad if I went out of state—like she didn’t believe in the California higher education system—so I decided to go to a UC. When I found out Alex was going to Berkley, I chose UCLA. And, the rest is history.” Christen chuckled looking out the window.

Tobin didn’t quite know what to say or think. She’d had no idea how tough things had been for Christen. She knew one thing: she was pissed at the governor for making her daughter stay closeted so she just blurted out “Well, I guess I know who I’m not voting for in 2010.”

Christen laughed allowed “Who?”

“Your mom, Chris, that was really shitty of her to make you be anything less than your authentic self for the sake of her career. I just, honestly, can’t believe that. You basically gave up love and soccer and your college choice for your mom.” She paused and then huffed “She hasn’t even come out in favor of gay marriage! And, have you heard this stuff about this proposition thing people are trying to get signatures for at the grocery store? They’re trying to get a measure on the 2008 ballot to ban gay marriage in Cali. She’s not even doing anything to stop it. People just assume she’s anti-gay marriage.” Christen looked at Tobin, whose eyes were full of passion and fire.

“Tobin, I never had any idea you cared about politics so much.”

“I don’t really, Chris, I just love California and think one day I might want to spend my life together with someone here, and I am 99.9% sure that will be a woman. Also, I care about you, and what your mom did was class-A shitty, Chris.”

“I know” Christen said softly, choking on her words “but she’s my mom.”

Tobin felt guilty then, for attacking the governor with such gusto. She’d just felt defensive of Christen. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to get so worked up.”

“It’s okay” Christen hummed and reached to turn up the radio.

_And I told you to be patient  
And I told you to be fine  
And I told you to be balanced  
And I told you to be kind_

_And in the morning I'll be with you  
But it will be a different kind  
And I'll be holding all the tickets  
And you'll be owning all the fines_

Tobin didn’t know what else to do, she felt like she had already fucked it up. She just sang along, feeling her heart break and wondering if maybe she would keep screwing this up in any universe.

Right when she sang _If all your love was wasted, Than who the hell was I? _Christen reached for the volume knob. “You have a really lovely voice, Tobin.”

“Thanks.” Tobin looked out the window scratched her head and trying to hide her blush.

“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to shut you out, I’m just in a weird place right now.” And, then, abruptly changing the subject again, “Are you, uh, dating Alex?”

Tobin felt her heart drop out of her chest. “Chris, no. That was, she was just at the soccer house and…”

“—and she’s insanely hot when she’s demanding.” Christen finished the sentence feeling a little queasy.

“um. Something like that. I didn’t even know her, it just kind of happened.”

“Do you wish you were dating her?”

“No.” Tobin said definitively.

Before Christen could ask her why, they were at the Pacific Coast Highway and Tobin had put her right turn signal on. “Drive up the coast a bit with me?” Tobin turned and looked at Christen with hopeful eyes.

Christen replied with a chuckle “How could I say no? You’ve kind of got me trapped here.” And then, after a beat, “I’ve always loved the ocean, since I was a little girl. It calms me down, it makes me feel centered when I am lost.”

“I thought that might be the case” Tobin smiled at her and turned the car to head north. She used the crank to roll down her window and looked at Christen, encouraging her to do the same.

The sun was in the sky to their left, low enough to paint a trail of bright light along the waves. Christen closed her eyes and breathed in the ocean air. Tobin’s playlist continued to carry over the speakers, and just for a moment Tobin felt like everything was perfect: they were just in the moment, existing. There was no past, or future, or other timeline of their lives, there was just now. Just them. It was the best feeling she’d had in a while. 

After another 30 minutes of riding comfortably next to one another, taking in the sights, Tobin took an exit in Malibu.

“Tell me you’re not taking me to Malibu looking like this?” Christen begged.

“Well, sort of, but not like you’re thinking.”

Tobin wove through a series of streets until she turned past a sign that read _Point Dume State Beach_. She paid an attendant and pulled the truck into a parking spot. The lot had a few cars in it but was generally empty of people. “I hope you’re willing to walk a little.” She said to Christen with a smile. Tobin then rolled up her window and started to gather some belongings from the front seat. She hopped out of the truck and pulled a pack from the back seat. She put on the pack before making her way around to meet Christen by her door. She took Christen by the hand and said “this way.”

Christen’s breath caught in her throat causing Tobin to suddenly remember that _this_ Christen was not in on the plan. She dropped Christen’s hand “oh, uh, sorry. I—sorry.” Christen looked at her with bright eyes. “It’s okay, Tobin. I liked it, it just surprised me.” Feeling emboldened, Tobin took Christen’s hand again and led her toward a dirt path cut through tall grass that was whipping in the wind. After a small uphill hike they arrived at a fence at the edge of a cliff. Tobin turned to Christen and asked “What do you think?”

Christen closed her eyes and breathed in the salty air carried in on the wind. “I think it’s lovely, Tobin.” From where they were standing they could see for miles down the coastline to where it curved out on both sides. There was white sand below high pale rocks, making it look as though the ocean had started to shave a high rocky coastline into a gradually descending beach and, after making some small progress, had just given up. After a minute Tobin said, “want to go down there?”

Christen smiled and nodded, and Tobin led them back down the path to a set of dirt stairs that took them to the beach. When they arrived, Tobin found a spot for them and opened her pack. She spread out a full-sized sheet and began to unpack lots of food and a bottle of wine.

“I don't know if you’re much of a drinker, but this is from a winery up on the Central Coast. Anyway, one of my teammates got it for me and I thought you might want to share.”

Christen studied Tobin, looking her up and down, examining the picnic emerging around her before taking a seat, never taking her eyes off the girl. “Sure, I’d like that.”

Tobin then proceeded to unpackage a series of appetizers—cheeses, meats, crackers, olives, and place them on a board around between her and Christen. “I know I took you away after lunch, but I thought maybe if you were hungry you might—.” Tobin’s voice was shaky, she was trying her best to hold it together.

“It’s great, Tobin. Really.” Christen smiled at her.

Tobin continued to babble “The sun is supposed to set in about a half an hour, around 5, I thought it would be nice to watch it. I know I really love sunsets and I just thought maybe you did too, but we can go if—”

Christen cut Tobin off again “Tobin, I’d love to watch the sun set with you.”

The two fell into easy conversation—the tension from earlier seeming to float away on the Pacific Ocean breeze. They talked about music and friends and school and their high school soccer teams. Everything was going incredibly well when the sun started to dip on the horizon. The two girls stared out at the sunset quietly taking it in before Christen broke the silence.

“Tobin, is this what you wanted to show me?”

Tobin swallowed audibly. “Yeah. Well, I have something I want to talk to you about and I thought this would be a good place to do it—here by the ocean. You know, I came up here once with Kelley, and it was just perfect. When I thought about it—how beautiful and grand it is—and how few people were around, I just thought it might be a perfect place to bring you.”

“It’s really nice, Tobes. I think I needed the ocean more than I realized. These past few weeks have been really rough, and I think I forgot how it could feel to get away and just look into the vastness.”

“Yeah. The ocean really is amazing.” Tobin replied with a sigh.

The girls sat in comfortable silence for a minute before Tobin could feel knots building in her stomach. She palmed the back of her neck and looked at Christen. _Wow was Christen beautiful. Especially with the sunset in her eyes, she looked radiant._ So, Tobin just decided to go for it.

“You’re beautiful, Christen.”

The comment seemed to take Christen a bit by surprise, she looked at Tobin coyly.

Tobin continued “I swear, when I look at you it’s like time stops for me. And sometimes, it really does, I get lost in your eyes and I forget what I’m doing and get all flustered. I lose all body coordination and suddenly I’m just a fool. I—Christen, I like you.”

Christen paused for a moment, smiling at Tobin and replying easily, “I like you too, Tobin.”

Tobin worried, then, that her meaning may have been misconstrued. She felt herself fumbling internally. “No, I mean like. I mean like like you, like I have a crush on you.”

Christen’s smile grew wider as she watched Tobin, “I like like you too, Tobes.”

And with that confirmation Tobin crossed the sheet and pulled Christen in for a kiss. It was slow and passionate and Christen didn’t even think once about whether someone was looking at them. And, maybe she wouldn’t have even cared if they were.

Tobin’s hand was on Christen’s cheek as Christen leaned back, hands in the sand. It was an awkward angle, but they both wanted it too badly to stop. After a few moments they pulled apart, smiling, catching their breath.

Christen broke the silence first, “yeah, I definitely like like you.”


	41. Go west, young woman

**November 17, 2007, Gainesville, FL**

Christen pulled Kelley’s silver 2002 Kia Rio around in front of her residence hall. Kelley's car was simple. Gray cloth interior, crank windows, a dusty dash. Kelley had started a sticker collection on the bumper—stickers from concerts, camps, schools, and football clubs around the world. She'd named the car Fulton, after the Georgia county. Kelley bought the car, she said, because it was cheap got great gas mileage, so she could drive all around to play soccer. Now, she mostly used it to go to the grocery store and to travel back to Georgia when she could.

Christen pressed the button to activate the hazard lights and waited. The air was crisp, the sun was shining, and the weather was in the high 60s. Christen pulled her hood up over her hair and shut her eyes, trying to calm her racing thoughts. The sound of Tobin's voice brought her back to earth.

“Guys, why are you being all weird?”

“Tobes, just trust us, okay. Can you promise to do that?”

Tobin seemed to reluctantly agree as Christen’s three RAs voices grew louder. Christen opened her eyes and looked to the passenger side to see Amy bend down to the open window and say “Hey Chris! One Tobin Powell Heath, as promised!”

“Christen?” Tobin asked her voice laced with panic and confusion.

“Yeah, babe, Christen. She’s going to take you somewhere, okay? You’re going to like it.” Lauren said in an even tone, in hopes of calming Tobin. Still, Christen heard Tobin mumble and whisper back in protest. After a few seconds, though, Tobin leaned down and looked in the passenger side door at cautiously Christen “I guess I’m going with you?”

“I’d really like that, Tobin.” Christen offered.

Tobin climbed in the car and closed the door. Christen waved across her to Amy and Lauren who sing-songed together “you have fun, kids!” as they pulled away. Christen pressed play on her “The Coast with the Most (State Lines)” playlist and Iron and Wine came streaming out of Kelley’s speakers.

_She says, "Wake up, it's no use pretending"_ _  
I'll keep stealing, breathing her  
Birds are leaving over autumn's ending  
One of us will die inside these arms_

“I love this album” Tobin broke the silence as they pulled off campus. “What a great sophomore album from a great band.”

Christen looked at her, a glimmer in her eye. “I agree. Really good stuff.”

They rode in silence for a while as Christen turned down Archer Road heading southwest.

“It’s going to be a little bit of a drive; I hope that’s okay.” Christen offered, more as a question than a statement.

“As long as you keep playing good music, you can take me anywhere. Cheney and ARod told me to block the whole afternoon off, so I’ve got nowhere to be” Tobin replied closing her eyes and pushing her head against the cloth headrest.

Christen laughed, “I’ll try my best with the music. No promises, though.”

As they passed under the I-35, Christen started to sing along to Sufjan Steven’s “Chicago.”

_I fell in love again  
All things go, all things go  
Drove to Chicago  
All things know, all things know_

_We sold our clothes to the state  
I don't mind, I don't mind  
I made a lot of mistakes  
In my mind, in my mind_

Tobin listened quietly until the chorus started. Christen’s voice faded slightly and Tobin interrupted, “You have a beautiful voice.”

Christen blushed and looked over at Tobin, who kept her eyes trained on the road ahead. “Thanks” she replied, her voice seeming smaller than she’d realized. “I think in some other world I might have tried music, but growing up in the LA area, dating a producer’s daughter, I just knew it would never happen for me.”

“Oh, that girl who came here? Your girlfriend? Her mom’s a producer?”

“Yeah, Alex, my EX-girlfriend. Her dad is a music producer at Sony.” Christen added extra emphasis on the ex. She’d realized from talking to her other RAs that basically everyone was under the misconception that she and Alex were back together. “We dated in high school. She was my first love, but she just did me really wrong. We weren’t meant to be long term or anything anyway. When she came here, she was looking for forgiveness more than anything.”

“Oh.” Tobin replied, Christen couldn’t quite tell whether Tobin’s tone was hopeful or resigned. “Wait, that’s the ex from the paparazzi stuff?”

“Yeah.”

“And she just showed up? Oh, wow. That’s heavy.”

“Yeah, a little. But, hey, we don’t need to talk about my ex right now. Let’s talk about you, Tobin Heath.” Christen patted Tobin's thigh before withdrawing her hand uncomfortably, wondering whether the other girl was okay with Christen touching her. 

“What do you want to know about me, Chris? I’m an open book.” Tobin challenged in a low voice.

“Okay, well, why did you quit soccer? Kelley said you’re like world-class incredible.”

“Oh, damn, Chrissy, going for the jugular?” Tobin joked as Christen visibly grimaced. _God, do I screw this up in every universe? _She thought to herself.

“Sorry, we could… talk about something else.”

“No, it’s okay, I can tell you…” Tobin took a breath “when I was in high school there was this girl—by best friend. Well, she became, well, you know, more than my best friend.”

Christen laughed and shook her head “boy, do I know.”

“Anyway,” Tobin continued “one day my mom caught us in the basement in a, shall we say, compromising, position.”

“Oh god” Christen winced.

“Yeah, well it went about as poorly as it could have. My mom yelled at her to get out and then just went into her room for a long time. When she came out, it looked like she had been crying and like she was making the hardest and easiest decision of her life at the same time. She told me to sit down and then pulled out her bible and was like, ‘Tobin, I’ve been reading this, looking for scripture to guide me on what to do. And, it seems pretty clear to me that as your mother I need to tell you that you cannot engage in these perverse acts.’”

“Fuck” Christen mumbled reaching across the center console to put her hand on Tobin’s shoulder, trying to comfort her, now unbothered by her earlier worries about invading the girl's space.

“I told her that I thought that God made me this way, liking girls, and that I’d been struggling with it for a long time. She just sighed at me and said I wouldn’t be doing that in her household. She went to the garage and got a suitcase and told me to pack. She gave me the choice between going to a gay conversion camp or finding my own way.

I just knew, in my heart, that she would change her mind, that she would see that I couldn’t do anything about liking girls, that it was just how I am. So, I told her that I wasn't going to the camp. I asked her if I could keep my cell phone for a week and mail it back to her. She said I could keep it for a week and that I could have my car, but that I was not welcome at home as long as I was making sinful choices.”

“Tobin.” Christen broke in, allowing her eyes to wonder off the one-lane road for a second, “that’s awful.”

“Yeah, well, I waited all week for her to call. I just crashed at some friends' places. But, she didn’t call and she didn't change her mind. So, I got in touch with a friend from my old club team who had moved to Newark and I asked her if I could come there for a few days. Days turned into weeks and my 19-year-old friend basically had a 17-year-old roommate on her hands. Luckily, she was up for it and my school back home understood my situation and worked with the nearby high school to help me finish my senior year in Newark.

But, I had to quit school and club soccer—there was nobody to pay for it, nobody to consent for me to play, and no way to go back to my school team. And, because I wasn’t playing, the soccer scholarship offers were dropped. I never heard from the National Team again. They would always call the house—I still don’t know if they ever did call again. I worked a few jobs and just busted ass to get a really good SAT score and a 4.0 GPA in Newark. I took some community college classes and I applied for a local foundation scholarship to come here to Florida. They funded me, thank god, and the rest is history.”

Christen felt small tears forming at the side of her eyes. “Tobin, wow, that’s so intense. You've showed such resilience. I am so much more impressed with you than I even realized.”

“Yeah, well, it isn’t all bad. I’ve had a lot of people who have stepped up over the past few years to help parent me. Amy’s parents, Lauren’s. They even helped all of my friends here pool money together last year to buy me my guitar and a little bit of recording time at a local studio. I think I’ve just decided it’s worth counting my blessings, rather than dwelling on what went wrong.”

“That’s beautiful, Tobin. You’re beautiful.”

Tobin blushed and looked out the window. Abruptly changing the subject, she asked “so are you taking me out into the Florida swamplands to murder me or something?”

Christen couldn’t help but laugh “You’ll see” she replied with a devilish grin. She turned up the music and the two girls started to sing together.

It was a peaceful and wonderful moment. Their voices blended together beautifully, Tobin providing slightly gravely harmonies to Christen’s clear melodies.

They lost themselves in the music and soon passed a sign indicating they’d reached “Cedar Key, Florida; Population 783.”

Tobin started to notice ocean on both sides of the road. She cranked down her window and yelled to Christen over the rush of wind “I’ve always heard about this place, but never been here. There’s a little artist community here, right?”

Christen similarly rolled down her windows and took in the salt air. “Yeah, actually, I heard about this place back in California. John Muir, who was a big naturalist around the turn of the last century—he helped to establish a lot of the national parks with Roosevelt—he spent some time walking across Florida, and he ended up here, in Cedar Key. I’ve always wanted to come since I realized how close it was to UF.”

“Whoa, that’s awesome.” Tobin said as the road dead ended to a little town on the Gulf. Christen parked the car and got out, popping the trunk. She grabbed a backpack and instructed Tobin to lock her door.

Tobin followed Christen as she made her way to the edge of a ramp that went onto a floating dock. When she reached the edge, a man sitting about halfway down the dock yelled out to her: “Christen?”

“That’s me!” Christen replied before taking the ramp down to the floating dock and waving for Tobin to follow.

When Tobin reached Christen and the man, he was explaining the boating channel system to her and pointing out some geographical features on a nautical map. Tobin was confused.

“Are we, um, going on a boat?”

Christen turned to her and smiled. “Yep! Is that okay?” Her face flushed as she suddenly worried that Tobin was afraid of the water or that maybe she got seasick and Lauren and Amy had failed to inform Christen.

“Yeah, that’s actually really awesome.” Tobin replied with a huge grin.

The man, Randy, Tobin learned, finished instructing Christen on how to use his Pontoon boat and then helped them push away from the dock.

As they were pulling away, he shouted to them “When you get back, just leave the keys in her and tie her up. If the tide is too high to get her back in here, just take her in on the other side of the clam shack and tie her anywhere on that dock. Oh, and tell KO I said ‘Hey!’”

_Of course, Kelley knew this random man. _Tobin thought. 

Tobin sat in one of the benches near the back of the boat as Christen expertly navigated them under a bridge and out onto the Gulf. The wind whipped through the girls’ hair and even though they weren’t going very fast, it felt like they were flying. Tobin closed her eyes taking in the sun and the ocean smell. Before long, a dolphin started jumping in the Pontoon’s wake. Christen was startled Tobin out of her own head yelling and pointing at it. The girls watched as the Dolphin_, _followed in their wake, jumping out of the water occasionally. Eventually it parted ways with the girls and made its way back toward the shore. The two girls laughed, their eyes sparkling looking at one another.

“Say something.” Tobin finally implored Christen after a few moments of silence.

“Toby, I know it’s a little weird, but just wanted to bring you out to the ocean, is that okay?”

“It’s more than okay, I love the ocean, we just rode with a freaking dolphin, but… why are you doing all of this?”

“Can’t a girl just take her RA out on a pontoon boat anymore without getting the third degree?” Christen joked, making Tobin chuckle. She then added seriously, “I just wanted to spend time with you, Tobin.”

As they made their way out onto the ocean the sun was in their eyes. They rounded a couple of small islands, some with other people on them, before pulling up to the west side of one of the furthest islands on the map and grounding the Pontoon on the beach. Christen threw out an anchor and hopped out off the front of the boat to put it in the sand, rope outstretched.

Tobin watched as the younger girl worked, impressed by her boating confidence despite such a short lesson. Christen turned to her and waived her off of the boat. Christen then climbed back on and took out two camping chairs from under one of the seats. She set them up before crawling back in and bringing out two beers.

“You want one? Kelley said you like beer.”

“Um, I don’t know if I should be underage drinking with my resident.”

“Tobin, can we just pretend I’m not your resident for a few minutes?”

“Uh, yeah, okay, I’ll take one.”

Christen hopped down and brought the beer to Tobin. Tobin read the can _Wild Night_ She cracked it open and took a sip. “Wow, this is so good.”

“Yeah, a girl on the team got it for me. It’s from that a Gainesville brewery. Anyway, she said she thought we’d like it.”

“I do like it! It’s a perfect beach beer. Smooth and easy to drink with a little sweetness!” Tobin assured Christen. After a moment of staring out toward the small, light waves she hummed “This is so weird, it’s like we’re on our own private island.”

“I know, right? When Kelley told me about this place, I didn’t believe her that it was this amazing, but here we are.” Christen smiled warmly at Tobin. “Do you want to go for a swim?”

“Umm, I don’t have a bathing suit.” Tobin replied, sounding disappointed.

“Oh! Lauren and Amy packed you one!” Christen said moving to the boat. She dug in her bag and produced a two-piece red bikini. “Change on the boat, it’s not like anyone can see you!” Christen gestured to the open ocean in front of them and the empty shoreline beside them, “I promise to look away.”

Tobin felt a little embarrassed but agreed anyway. The ocean did look nice, and she did want to get in the water, even if it was a little cold to swim.

Tobin crawled on the boat to change. Christen used all of her willpower not to turn around and look at the girl. When Tobin shouted “done” and Christen turned around, though, she still felt her body physically reacting to the sight.

Tobin looked damn good in a bikini. She had a thin body and small perky breasts. Her shoulders and arms looked strong. Christen could see she had an athletes build, even if her muscles were not what they once might have been. As Tobin jogged her way, Christen forgot how to breathe.

When she reached the camping chairs again, she chugged the rest of her beer before yelling “Last one in is a rotten egg” and bounding toward the water. Christen tore off the clothes covering her swim suit and chased her. Tobin was fully submerged before Christen ran into the water. As her abdomen hit the water, though, it's temperature shocked Christen. She screamed “SO COLD” and turned to run back to shore. But, before she could make it more than a couple of steps, a pair of strong wet arms wrapped around her waist and picked her up, dunking her into the water. Tobin splashed Christen as the younger girl reemerged from the water with a gasp.

“I AM GOING TO KILL YOU TOBIN POWELL HEATH” Christen shouted reaching out toward Tobin who had turned to high step her way away from Christen into the gulf.

“HEY, THIS WAS YOUR IDEA, CALIFORNIA GIRL!” Tobin yelled back as she dove into the shallow water.

Christen refused to pursue Tobin any deeper and slinked back to the boat to find a towel. Tobin joined her on board shortly after.

“That felt so good!” Tobin remarked, running her fingers through her hair.

“I thought Florida water was warmer than California water!” Christen protested.

“Not in November!” Tobin said, laughing at Christen.

“Well, now I’m cold.” Christen pouted at Tobin, before opening her towel up to adjust it.

Tobin inhaled sharply as she took in the soccer player’s body. Christen’s skin was tan and covered in goosebumps. The cold was making Christen’s nipples hard and Tobin could see them poking out of the light fabric that was covering Christen’s breasts. Tobin closed the space between them and put her arms around Christen’s waist.

“Body heat!” she said aloud, wondering if the lie could possibly work.

Christen sighed into Tobin before turning to face her more fully. “I like your body heat, Tobin. I like your arms around me." She inhaled deeply, "I—I like you.”

Tobin looked studiously at Christen as her eyes wandered between Christen’s eyes and her lips.

That was all the invitation Christen needed. She leaned in connecting her lips to Tobin’s. Tobin sighed into the kiss, moving her lips hotly against Christen’s, demonstrating an increasing desire for more. Christen pushed her back until Tobin’s knees hit one of the bench seats and she sat down, Christen followed, straddling her and sitting on her lap.

Tobin let her tongue roam outward to find Christen’s lips and Christen opened her mouth to meet Tobin’s tongue with hers. Tobin tasted like honey beer and saltwater. Her lips were slightly chapped, but were soft and moving with expertise. Christen felt her body heating up.

Before things could go much further, though, Tobin pulled back. “I like you too, Chris.” She said with a serious gaze. “A lot. More than I even thought possible. This is like a dream come true.”

“Please” Christen chuckled “I'm kissing my hot RA on a private island, I think it’s my dream that is coming true.”

Tobin just laughed and stood up with Christen still wrapped around her, kissing the girl deeply again before pinning her against another of the boat’s benches, remaining between her legs.

After a while the two pulled apart kissing playfully. They could both sense that they shouldn’t go any further in the moment. They still had some things to work out and both of them wanted to make it last. Plus, they were on a stranger's boat.

“We should head back. The sun is going down and I don’t know that I could navigate in the dark.” Christen started.

“Yeah, I guess so, too bad.” Tobin replied.

The two gathered their belongings from the beach and pushed the pontoon out onto the water. The tide had risen some and they’d lost about 10 feet of beach, but the water was still shallow. Eventually they got the boat out to somewhere deep enough to start it and be clear of sea grass. Christen started up the boat and headed back toward town. Tobin watched the sun set behind them as they drove.

Just as they went under the bridge, Tobin approached Christen from behind and wrapped arms around her kissing her neck and saying “Thank you for today, Chris. I can't even describe how incredible this was. My dream girl, who I thought had chosen someone else, took me on a boat to our own island and kissed me for the first time. This day was more than I could have ever imagined.”


	42. the sins of a mother?

**November 25, 2007, Los Angeles, CA**

_Email To: Tobin Heath <heatht@ucla.edu>  
_ _From: Christen A. Press <pressc@ucla.edu>_

_Tobin, _

_I hope this email finds you well. Sorry that I haven’t written in a while. I got caught up with Thanksgiving break and the NCAA tournament. We lost in the round of 16 to USC. It was a little devastating, especially for our seniors. I’m guessing we lost to USC there, too? Please point your middle finger toward USC for me. It’s probably more powerful from LA._

_If soccer scores are the same, that means you’re about to play quarterfinals against Portland, huh? Good luck! I believe in you! _

_I wish, right now, that I could send you some snail mail because I want to tell you something much more important than email should handle. But, alas, given that this thread seems to be our only connection. Mailing something to you seems impossible. So, I’ll just say:_

_It worked, T. I took you to the ocean and kissed you and you kissed me back. You are, honestly, the most amazing women I’ve ever met. I feel really lucky. And, I have you, Tobin who is reading this, to thank for my luck. For MY Tobin!  
  
Thank you for giving me the courage to believe in us._

_Yours in every universe,  
_ _CAP_

_P.S., You wanted to know when you quit soccer: you told me it was when your mom kicked you out for being gay._

* * *

When Tobin read the email, she felt sure that she and Christen’s potential romance transcended anything she’d felt before. Christen really was hers in every universe.

Then, reading the last line, the "p.s." she felt her heart sink: had her mom really made a different choice in Christen's universe?

In her own universe, her mom found out Tobin liked women when she caught Tobin in the basement on top of Tobin’s _female_ best friend. She’d immediately freaked out and kicked Tobin’s friend out. But then she’d gone into her room poured through the bible. She emerged quoting passages about love, acceptance, and a plan from God and about God, rather than humans, as the one with authority. Tobin shuttered to think of what might have happened had her mom chosen the opposite route. Did her mom really have the capacity to kick her out?

It occurred to her slowly, then, that _maybe this was the difference between her and alternate-universe Christen as well_. Christen had mentioned California being more open in an email—Was Christen out publicly in the other universe?

Maybe the choice that brought them to this place wasn’t their choice at all. Maybe their mothers brought them here—through rejection and regret. She believed, genuinely, that Christen was and could be happy. But she wondered if the girl was missing a critical piece of that happiness.

When they’d come back from the beach, Tobin had held Christen’s hand the whole way down the PCH. The two girls had been smiling and laughing the entire ride. Still, when they stopped to get gas in Pacific Palisades, Tobin felt Christen drop her hand pull away.

And, in the few days after the beach any time they were around people, Christen kept her distance from Tobin. It was like they were at a middle school dance at a Catholic church and volunteers were pulling them apart telling them to “leave room for the holy spirit.” But it wasn’t church volunteers pulling them apart physically, it was Christen.

They had spent a bit of time horizontally in Tobin’s room before Christen headed to Sacramento to spend Thanksgiving at the Governor’s mansion. Honestly, Tobin didn't think she’d ever been kissed in a way that turned her on more. Just being physically close to Christen drove her absolutely wild.

When they would watch movies, Christen would play with the waistband of Tobin’s shorts, sliding her finger idly underneath and moving it back and forth across Tobin’s skin gently as if she had no idea she was even doing it, or how absolutely crazy it was driving Tobin. They’d kept the whole thing relatively PG, wanting not to rush. Tobin respected that, even if she always found herself wanting more. Never insisting, just desperately wanting.

Still, Christen wanted to stay inside a lot—to watch movies, to read together in their rooms. Tobin wasn’t complaining. It gave her a lot of access to the girl she was falling for (and her wonderful lips and body).

But then, over the break, it was like Christen didn’t exist. When she would try to call Christen at the Governor’s mansion, nobody would connect her to the girl. Even when UCLA advanced to the NCAA quarterfinals, she couldn’t get in touch with Christen celebrate. She started to feel like she was losing her mind. Like maybe she’d made everything with Christen up. _She did believe she was emailing with Christen from another universe, after all._

But when Christen returned to campus, acting as if no time had passed, wanting only to spend time indoors with Tobin. It dawned on her that something was off about her universe… and Christen’s mom had everything to do with it.

And, so, that is how Tobin Heath found herself borrowing a Kelley’s credit card to book a flight from LA to Sacramento. And that’s how Tobin Heath found herself booking a space in the Governor’s “public office hours”—a new initiative that Governor Press had enacted (_if one were cynical, they might think the office hours were just for the sake of re-election—so she could say she was listening to the people. But Tobin really didn’t want to be cynical_).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come find me on Tumblr (ijustcrushalot) if you want to chat or have any questions/comments. 
> 
> Grammar corrections and requests for clarification are always welcomed! So is just hanging out. I know a lot of folks are bored at home in this pandemic. 
> 
> Anyway, I hope everyone is enjoying! We're getting a lot of great T+C fic updates!


	43. to hold up a mirror.

**November** ** 28, 2007, Sacremento, CA**

So there Tobin was, the Wednesday after Thanksgiving, skipping class, two days before the quarterfinal round of the NCAA tournament, to talk to the Governor of California. Tobin sat in the capitol building dawning her nicest attire and staring at the ceiling. The whole place was opulent. Every inch seemed planned to feel extraordinary to any onlooker: The high ceilings, marble detail, even the floors were pristine. It seemed like someone decided to combine all of the best elements of the White House, the US Capitol Building, and the Library of Congress.

_What the fuck am I really doing_ she wondered repeatedly to herself as she sat on a wooden bench awaiting her turn.

Finally, after an army of people who seemed interested more in conflict than resolution saw the governor, Tobin’s name was called.

She entered the governor’s office softly following a staff aide, she kept her eyes trained on the ground as she tried to muster every possible ounce of courage.

The governor finished ordering black tea from one of the staff and she turned to Tobin to ask if she would like any.

Tobin politely declined, but then, aware of the Governor’s time constraints, asked if they could “Get down to business, madam Governor.”

Stacy Press was a little surprised by the young girl’s forwardness—she couldn't have been older than her middle child, Christen. She gave a tentative “okay” in response gestured for the girl to sit down and continue.

“Governor Press, I’d like to date your daughter” Tobin said, abruptly as she sat.

The governor gasped and sat still for a second before asking her staff to leave the room.

When they were alone the Governor’s tone became biting, “young lady, who the hell do you think you are?”

Tobin replied confidently, “I’m a girl who wants to date your daughter, Christen.”

The governor considered Tobin for a moment, looking at her indignantly before asking harshly, “Why are you here? Are you seeking some permission? I won’t be giving you anything of the sort.”

Tobin took a deep breath and looked directly in the governor’s eyes. “Madam Governor, when my mom found out I was interested in women, her first reaction was genuine shock and possibly horror. She was a conservative Christian raised to believe that being gay is a sin. But then, my mom made a choice. She pulled out her bible and dug into it to prove to herself and to me that God loved me no matter what. And when she did that, she proved to me that she loved me unconditionally, too.

It didn’t go well with everyone. It was hard for her. She took a lot heat for accepting me for who I am, especially from people at church. But, she always said that she chose me—that loving me was her choice. It was her choice—you see?—and she made the right choice.

Governor, I am a girl who could have had her life go so differently if my mom had been selfish. She could have kicked me out. It happens to kids all the time. I could have been homeless and never made it to UCLA, where I met your wonderful daughter. I am going make the Senior US Women’s National Soccer Team someday, and I believe that we are going to win the World Cup, but none of that would have been possible if my mother had made the choice to reject me.

I’m here today, Governor Press, to tell you that I can see everything with your daughter—a future together—a big wedding, buying a house, kids making sandcastles on the beach, growing old watching sunsets. If she lets me, I want to be that for her. But, also, maybe we will just be college sweethearts. Or, maybe she dumps me in a month because she realizes how unsuited I am for romance. But, Governor, maybe she doesn't. And, maybe we make it. The important thing is that it’s her choice, not yours.

So, I’m just a random girl who wants to date your daughter and I’m not here to ask your permission. I’m here to tell you what she won’t: Christen deserves for her mother to make the right choice.”

And with that Tobin let her eyes fall to the ground as she looked for a way to finish what she wanted to say. The governor remained silent, unflinching, staring at the girl critically. “Madam Governor, you know that Martin Luther King quote ‘the arc of history is long, but it bends towards justice’”

She looked up to see the governor give her a confused look and nod confirming with a “yes.”

“Well, the arc of someone’s life is short. I think we need to bend that arc toward justice for them when we can. We’ve got to aim to give our loved ones the best of ourselves during their arc, even when, and perhaps especially when, it requires some personal sacrifice. That’s what my mom did for me.”

She looked into the governor’s eyes, watching her process Tobin’s words silently. Tobin suddenly felt a wave of panic flashing through her body as she looked at the governor’s flat expression. _Fuck, what did I just do?_

Tobin did her best to mask it, she calmly stood up, said “thank you madam governor,” her voice trembling slightly. She then turned on her heel and made her way with an even pace out of the solid wooden door that guarded the governor’s office. The governor didn’t say a word as she walked away and Tobin didn’t look back.

Tobin made it down the marble staircase, outside, and around the block before she broke down. Her hands and legs were trembling, like all of the fear she should have been feeling was hitting her all at once. She shuttered as she realized she might have just ruined any chance she had with Christen. _Christen loved her mom. She had sacrificed so much for her mom’s political career. What if she didn’t agree with Tobin about this?_ She pressed her back against the nearest building as her legs gave way and she collapsed onto the pavement.

She allowed herself a few minutes to sit on the ground and consider the gravity of what she’d done. She felt affixed to the earth, like this was the spot where she was going to stay forever: near the center of California politics, her back against a wall. But then she took a deep breath, stood up, and hailed a cab back to the Sacramento Airport. She needed to head back to LA and face the music.

* * *

When Tobin boarded her plane that evening she found herself in a center seat between two large men. _That’s what you get when you book last minute_, she thought, as she inserted her earbuds and put on a playlist. Just before the boarding door was about to close, Tobin saw a large man in a suit walking down the aisle. _A late boarder,_ she assumed.

The man made his way past several rows before stopping at her row and staring at her. “Miss Heath?” Tobin gulped and nodded taking her earbuds out. The man reached extended a hand with an envelope in it “this is for you.” Tobin took the envelope giving the man a questioning look, but he just turned around and walked off of the plane. Seconds after he was gone the flight attendants shut the boarding door and they were off to LA.

Tobin’s rowmates looked at her with questioning eyes. But she could only offer them a look of confusion, raising her eyebrows and shrugging. She stared at the envelope, turning it over and over, deciding what to do.

The envelope simple: plane and white. On the outside written in perfect script in blue ink was “Tobin Heath.” As the plane left the ground, Tobin finally turned the envelope opened and slid her finger under the flap and tore it across the top. When she opened it, she found a heavy-weighted off-white paper folded in thirds. She unfurled the paper and found the seal of the State of California, at the top. The word “Eureka” was circled in blue pen. Under it appeared a formal memo-style letter from the desk of Governor Stacy Press.

* * *

_To: Tobin Heath  
From: Governor Stacy Press  
Date: November 28, 2007_

_Re: Christen_

_Tobin, _

_It was quite bold and reckless of you to come to see me. _

_When I married Christen’s father, my mother had some trepidation about us because interracial marriage was still a bit controversial, especially among people in my hometown. I am not sure how I ended up just like her, but I am glad you held up a mirror so that I could see it._

_I know you did not come to ask for my permission, but I want you to know you have it anyway. _

_Thank you for being bold and reckless. _

_Sincerely,  
_ _Stacy Press_


	44. there's an idea made of gold.

**November 29, 2007, Gainesville, FL**

_Email To: Christen A. Press <pressc@ufl.edu>  
_ _From: Tobin Heath <heatht@ufl.edu>_

_Dearest Christen, _

_Happy belated Thanksgiving, I hope it was good for you. I’m thankful for you, Florida Christen. I’m sorry you all lost in the round of 16. We play Portland tomorrow. I think we’ve got them! _

_In addition to finding me in the quarterfinals, your email has found me happy and falling for you, well, UCLA Christen. I took you (her) to one of my favorite stops on the PCH—where I thought we could be alone (she’s had some paparazzi issues lately). We drank wine and she kissed me back when I kissed her. And, she let me keep kissing her for the rest of the week. _

_Things were a little weird, though. She’d pull away from me in public and seemed to want to stay only in our rooms. And then she ignored me the whole Thanksgiving break. _

_I realized when I read your email about how my mom kicking me out, that it was her (your) mom’s response to her that was driving her behavior. See, my mom didn’t kick me out here. She took on her own stress and rejection so that she could love me and support me no matter what. _

_I remembered what you said about California being more accepting, and it occurred to me that maybe your mom made the opposite decision there than she did here. Here, when Christen came out to her (your) mom, Governor Press basically told her she had to stay in the closet until 2010, to ensure her election and re-election. And, Christen agreed. Then, when things got too tough to hide, Christen dumped Alex and quit soccer because it was too painful to be around her. _

_So, I did something that was probably stupid: I flew to Sacramento and told your mom exactly what I thought about that. See seemed to have taken it well, but I haven’t actually seen my Christen yet. So, I don’t know how she’s going to take it. I guess I just wanted to tell you, because I’m hoping you can understand even if she doesn't._

_I’m really falling for her, Chris. I hope I don’t lose her. _

_Yours in every universe,  
_ _Toby_

* * *

As Christen read the email, she realized that she objectively thought Tobin had made the right call. She shuddered to think that her mom might have chosen politics over her in some other universe. Still, she believed in her mom’s heart enough to know that a visit from Tobin could help her the elder Press make the right choice. She wondered how other-universe Christen would react to the news, though. She would personally feel a little strange learning that Tobin had gone to visit her mother without telling her. But maybe it was for the best?

She considered whether her Tobin might need Christen to reach out to her mother. She felt unsure. Tobin’s mom had basically disowned her. She seemed so sweet in the other universe, though; the way Tobin talked about her sacrifice. Maybe she could be persuaded in this universe as well.

Christen didn’t know enough about Tobin’s mom at that point to take any action, but she figured she would keep the idea in the back of her head. Maybe it was part of the key—maybe this was why she and other-universe Tobin connected. Christen decided maybe she should go talk to the girl.

She stood up and made her way into the hall. Tobin’s door was shut, so she knocked lightly. Tobin came to the door and, upon seeing Christen, smiled broadly.

Wiping sleep from her eyes she started: “Hi, Chris. Mmm, I like waking up to your face.”

The thought of what waking up to her face might mean in the future made Christen shudder, goosebumps running up her arms.

“Hi, Tobes. Sorry to wake you. I know you like to sleep in. I just wanted to come see if you wanted to get lunch today.”

“I’d love to. Just let me know when and I’ll be there. My class was cancelled today so I’m pretty much free. Say, Chris…” Tobin paused for a moment then, her body language betraying that she was holding back a thought.

“What’s up, Tobes?”

“Um—it’s nothing.”

“Tobin, don’t be silly. You look like you want to say something, just say it.”

Tobin sighed out “okay” and then continued “Chris, would you, um, go on a date with me? Like a date date, an official date.”

Christen chuckled and pulled her RA in placing a light kiss on her cheek “I figured that my kissing you every chance I get might have clued you in: I still like you Toby, and I’d love to go on a date date. Just say when.”

Tobin looked more confident, though still adorably sleepy. “Tomorrow afternoon? I’m planning it all since you did that amazing Cedar Key thing. We can do another long-ish date?”

“I’d love that, Tobin.” Christen said, sincerely. “Just tell me what to wear.” Christen placed a chaste kiss on Tobin’s lips and turned around to head back to her room. “Sometime after 1pm work? I have some stuff to take care of in the morning.”

“Sure, let's do 1:30!” Tobin responded eagerly, turning to make her way back into her room and into her comfortable bed.

Tobin usually hated being woken up, but for some reason, Christen was an exception to just about every one of her rules.


	45. You look so good

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part 1 of a 2 chapter date: Fluffy falling for each other.

**November 29, 2007, Gainesville, FL**

Tobin arrived at Christen’s door at 1:30pm and knocked three times.

Julie answered the door. Before Tobin could say anything, Julie grabbed her shoulders and pushed her out into the hall with a serious look and shut the door behind her.

“Listen here, Tobin. I need to give you the best friend talk now. Don't fuck this up. She is positively giddy about you. And, Chris is one of the best people I know. It took her a long time to be ready to put herself out there, but she’s definitely out there for you. So, if you break her heart etcetera, etcetera, you know how it goes.” She said punching her right fist into her flattened left hand.

Just then, the door to 408 swung open, revealing Christen. She was in Yoga pants and a UF Soccer hoodie. She looked _gorgeous_, and like she had put in more effort than her clothes might suggest. Her hair was down, naturally curly, and her makeup accentuated her eyes beautifully.

Tobin turned to her and smiled widely, totally forgetting about Julie standing there, threatening her. She was a still stunned by how good this girl could look in literally anything. 

“Jules, what are you doing?” Christen pressed.

“Oh, nothing, just making sure Tobin here takes care of my baby girl.” Julie said patting Tobin on the center of Tobin’s shoulder blades and gabbing her neck. Christen just rolled her eyes.

Christen looked Tobin over before subtly biting her lower lip. Tobin was dressed in joggers and a loose-fitting t-shirt. She had a hoodie in her hands. Still, she looked effortlessly attractive

“You ready for me to wow you with my charms, Chris?” She asked with a wink.

“Definitely.” Christen said, attempting a wink back.

Tobin turned to Julie and raised her right hand like she was about to testify in court. “Ma’am, I promise to have her back by a reasonable hour and not to try any funny business.”

“Hey! What if I want some funny business?” Christen pouted.

Tobin choked on the air. She tried to play it off and turned back to Julie and added “unless she wants it, ma’aam.”

Julie laughed and rolled her eyes at them. “Just text me if you’re going to come back earlier than a reasonable hour. Zach is coming over.”

Christen turned to her then and smacked her on the arm protesting “Hey! You were forbidding funny business and planning to get your own at the same time? For shame!”

Julie just smiled a tight-lipped mischievous smile that spread to her eyes and turned away while shooing them off with her hand “go wild, kids! But, be safe!”

Tobin grabbed Christen by the hand and led her down the hall. They took the stairs down, enjoying the high-60’s weather. Tobin led them to Amy’s car and opened the door for Christen. Once Christen climbed inside, Tobin circled the car and climbed in.

She looked giddy. “Did you bring your UF ID?”

“Of course, you told me to!”

“Awesome!” Tobin said selecting a CD from Amy’s visor case, popping it in, and pulling out of the parking spot. They turned off campus and headed south on 13th street.

Christen impatiently asked “Where we headed Tobes?”

“To nature, Chris. Well, kind of.”

“And I need an ID to get into nature?”

Tobin chuckled, “for this nature you do.” She reached across the console and grabbed Christen’s hand. She interlaced their fingers as she accelerated past the apartments and into a part of the road lined with swamps, farms, and woods.

“Are you going to kill me? You seemed to really think killing someone in the swamp was a good idea last time.” Christen joked.

“I guess you’ll see!” Tobin quipped as an electronic melody started to shift back and forth across the left and right speakers. “I love this song!” while turning up the volume. She started to sing.

_I am thinking it's a sign  
That the freckles in our eyes  
Are mirror images  
And when we kiss they're perfectly aligned_

_And I have to speculate  
That God Himself did make  
Us into corresponding shapes  
Like puzzle pieces from the clay_

Tobin lifted their hands and kissed the back of Christen’s before continuing

_And true it may seem like a stretch  
But it's thoughts like this that catch  
My troubled head when you're away  
And when I am missing you to death_

_And when you are out there on the road  
For several weeks of shows  
And when you scan the radio  
I hope this song will guide you home_

Christen chimed in with Tobin, then, singing the harmonies to the chorus as Tobin sang the main melody.

_They will see us waving from such great heights  
Come down now, they'll say  
But everything looks perfect from far away  
Come down now but we'll stay_

Tobin then shimmied her shoulders and started nodding her head to the beat in an exaggerated fashion. Christen laughed wildly thinking, _god she is perfect_.

* * *

After about 15 minutes, Tobin put on her turn signal and pulled into a gravely driveway that was surrounded by overgrown with trees, palms, and bushes. “We’re here!” She announced, just as the “Lake Wauberg, University of Florida” sign came into view.

Tobin pulled up to what appeared to be a booth where one might pay a park fee and asked Chrsiten for her school ID. She showed both of their student IDs to the kid working there and he wrote down their names before waving them on.

“What is this place?” Christen asked.

“It’s Lake Wauberg! UF’s lake. You haven’t heard of it, huh? Oh, that makes it even better!”

“I thought we just had Lake Alice on campus…” Christen mused as they pulled into a dirt parking lot.

“Come on!” Tobin said hopping out of the car and meeting Christen at the front.

Tobin led Christen across a small picnic area to a shed where there were paddles and lifejackets lining the walls.

A young tan college student came out and said “Hi! How can I help you today?”

“We’d like to get a double Kayak, please.” Tobin said, surprising Christen.

“Taking me on a boat, Heath? I see you stealing my moves.”

The young man took their student IDs and gave them life jackets and paddles before pointing them in the direction of their kayak on the shore. Tobin and Christen took off their shoes and left them at the rental station before rolling up the bottom of their pants.

As they got to the kayak Tobin asked Christen “front or back?”

Christen, feeling suddenly bold, turned around, lowered the sunglasses she was wearing, cocked one eyebrow, and said “however you’ll give it to me, babe.”

Tobin’s breath caught. “No, I mean… the kayak” she fumbled out.

“I know, Toby, I’m just kidding.” She said chuckling at the girl, “I really can do either.”

“Okay, why don’t you get in first and I’ll push us out.”

“Sounds good.” Christen replied climbing into the kayak.

As they got out on the water, the two found themselves perfectly in sync when it came to paddling. Christen found herself wondering if, in another universe, Tobin would be much stronger than her and this would be more difficult.

They paddled around quietly, making a counterclockwise loop around the lake. The only sound was their paddle blades entering and exiting the water, and the water as it dripped off and returned to the lake. Christen broke the near-silence.

“Hey, are there aligators in here?”

Tobin chuckled. “Yeah, it is Florida. You didn't see that sign when we got in?”

Christen felt her heart speed up a bit. “Do they ever attack people?”

Tobin replied quickly. “Oh, Chris, no! Alligators are actually pretty docile and don’t attack people very often. Only really when they’re provoked. They aren’t trying to eat us, we’re too big. They just fight back if they feel threatened." and then continuing, "Have you been out to Paynes Prarie?”

“No.”

“I’ll take you there sometime, they’re just like laying on the side of this bayou thing and you can walk right by them. There are dozens of people out there every day and they never attack anyone unless you fuck with them. Like some dude got attacked because he literally jumped on one, but that’s it. I saw someone spray-painting one once—I wanted it to attack, but it didn’t. They definitely won’t attack people out here on the lake. And, look, there’s a swim area right over there.” Tobin said, pointing her paddle back at the shore.

Christen felt a little bit better, but still worried about falling in a bit.

The girls paddled for about an hour, Christen’s anxiety eventually waning. When they returned to shore, Christen hopped out first and helped pull the boat up so that Tobin could get out in reasonable-depth water.

“Tobin, that was so fun! I loved it!”

“Well great. Did you work up an appetite, or do you want another activity before a snack?”

“I’m not really that hungry yet.” Christen admitted.

“Okay! Let’s go over to the other shore!” Tobin offered.

They got back in Amy’s Hyundai and drove back onto the road. They made a u-turn and were soon pulling into another tunnel of trees. Tobin repeated the ID process and drove down a long road before arriving at another dirt parking lot. She hopped out of the car again and gestured for Christen to follow her. She led her past a small picnic area and through a big clearing and field, behind a few softball diamonds and then took her left into an outcropping where they found a rock wall.

“Whoa!” Christen said. “This is free for us, too?”

“Yep!” Tobin said. She led Christen over to a small hut where they signed waivers. One of the students working at the wall asked them which route they wanted to do.

“The easy one” Christen chuckled holding up her arms, “these skinny things aren’t going to work on something like that” she said pointing to a wall face directly in front of them that required climbing at an acute angle from the ground.

Tobin and Christen each took turn climbing the wall with a staff member belaying them. They both shouted out loudly when they got to the top, cracking one another up.

When they’d finished, they returned their helmets and harnesses to the little shed and headed back to the car.

“Okay, I think I could eat now.” Christen said, shaking out her arms.

Tobin guided them back to the car and popped the trunk to reveal a picnic basket. As Tobin was removing the basket, Christen noticed a soccer ball a bit further back in the trunk, on top of some clothes. She wondered if it was Tobin’s or Amy’s.

Tobin saw Christen’s directed gaze as she shut the trunk. “I have dinner plans for us later, but let’s have a little snack.”

“Dinner plans?” Christen inquired trying to give her most excited and swooning voice.

“Nothing too fancy, Chris! We can go in this.” She said gesturing between them.

Tobin took the picnic basket out to the middle of the clearing they’d passed earlier and spread out a picnic blanket before opening the basket to reveal various nuts, crackers, and cheeses.

The girls ate as they watched a group of students play ultimate Frisbee nearby. When she was finished eating, Tobin laid back on the picnic blanket, closing her eyes, and basking in the sun. Christen followed suit, reaching her hand out to intertwine her fingers with Tobin’s. The two girls stayed there for a moment, breathing in the natural world around them, before Tobin rolled over and propped herself up on her forearms, hovering over Christen.

“You’re really beautiful, you know that?” she asked, deep sincerity in her voice.

“Tobin, you’re incredible.” Christen responded, bringing her hands up to pull the older girl in for a light kiss. “and you just seem to get more incredible every day. I’m having a blast on this date.”

Tobin smiled against her and rolled back over, putting her back on the blanket.

“Okay” she said, “there are a couple of things we can do now, totally up to you.”

“Okay.” Christen responded dragging out the ‘kay.’

“So, there’s a disc golf course here. We could play that. I’ve only done that a few times, but it’s fun. Or, we could just go for a walk around here. Or, there’s a trail up the road—a different part of Paynes Prarie, without alligators, where we’ll see wild horses and, if we get lucky, Bison—”

Christen cut her off “I saw you had a soccer ball? There’s a goal over there.”

“Oh,” Tobin replied, “um… that’s Amy’s ball.”

Christen gave a short disappointed “oh” feeling like she might have just pushed something she shouldn't have. 

Tobin felt bad and without thinking blurted “But, um, I guess we could use it?”

Christen’s face lit up as she nodded to Tobin.

As the girls made their way to the car, Tobin started to feel her chest getting a bit tight. She hadn’t played soccer in a couple of years. She’d channeled all of her energy into music and wasn’t sure what having a ball at her feet would feel like. Would she feel a sense of loss? A sense of hope? A sense of betrayal? She was in having internal battle that was creeping out onto her face.

“Toby, babe, look at me.” Christen said, taking Tobin’s cheek in her hand and stopping them. “Does thinking about kicking a ball around stress you out? We really don’t have to. Bison sound really cool.”

Tobin just shook her head and forced a half smile, trying to push down her darker thoughts and focus on the girl beside her, “Chris, I don’t think there is anyone I’d rather kick a ball around with. Plus, I never made it to one of your games this year, I want to see those moves!”

Christen smiled, agreed, and trotted toward the trunk to open it for Tobin. She took the ball out and dropped it to her feet as Tobin placed the picnic basket back in the trunk and shut it.

“Kelley says you have magic feet, Heath. Let’s see ‘em!” Christen taunted chipping the ball in Tobin’s direction.

Without much thought, Tobin received the ball and started to juggle it before passing it back in the air to Christen. Christen watched the ball through the air, turned her body to square up, and blasted it out toward the soccer field out of the air.

“Damn.” Tobin muttered. “That was hot.”

“You’re telling me! I need to see a little more of what those feet can do.” Christen quipped before kissing Tobin on the cheek, adding “last one there is a rotten egg,” and taking off sprinting toward the ball.

Tobin chased after her, her legs moving as fast as they possibly could. Tobin was certainly in worse shape than Christen. She kept up the pace but continued to fall slightly further behind with each passing step. _This girl was fast_.

When she finally reached Christen, the girl had her foot on top of the ball and pulled it back toward herself before making an easy offensive move around Tobin. Tobin chuckled and grabbed Christen’s waist as she passed, pulling her back and moving around her for the ball.

“Hey! Cheater!” Christen said as she moved to take the ball away from Tobin. Tobin faked left with her foot causing Christen to extend her leg just enough so that Tobin could pass the ball between her legs. She sprinted around Christen’s right and back to the ball. She dribbled a few times before shooting at the goal on the field. She missed the goal entirely but was beaming as she did.

“Tobin Heath with the serious skills! I can’t believe you just nutmegged me.” Christen held up her hand to high five Tobin. When Tobin’s hand reached hers, Christen grabbed it and pulled the girl in, catching her waist and kissing her. “Seriously, babe, that was hot.”

Tobin kissed her back. “Not as hot as you!” she said before tickling Christen, breaking contact, and running in the direction of the ball.

The two played around, passing, juggling, and challenging each other for another 45 minutes before they stopped, collapsing on the ground as Tobin took them both down. They laid on their backs with their heads next to one another on the grass, their bodies forming a slightly acute angle together, like they were the hands on a clock marking 3:04.

After a moment of laying in happy silence catching their breaths, Tobin breathed out “you know, I was really worried about how this would feel—having a ball at my feet again. I was honestly really angry and sad when I lost it. But somehow, finding it again felt better than I could have expected. Especially because I did it with you.”

It was sappy, and sincere, and all Christen could do was bring her body so that they were more like 3:18 and kiss Tobin hard. The kiss erupted fireworks in Christen’s mind as she started to feel a tightening just below her stomach. She deepened the kiss and made her way around to straddle Tobin, who was kissing her back with fervor. After a moment they broke the kiss and Tobin let out between breaths “wow, so, sappy really works for you, huh?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stay safe out there, babies. Hope you're not too stir crazy! Feel free to leave any questions or comments below or to come find me on tumblr ijustcrushalot. I've been having some really good tumblr chats lately! As always, grammarians, I welcome any corrections!


	46. Even if I can’t afford it,

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Social Distancing Sunday/Happy Smut Sunday. Here's part 2 of UF C+T and your eventual smut.

When the two girls left the lake, dusk had started to settle. They reached for each other’s hands over the center of the car, lazily intertwining their fingers—puzzle pieces assembled with no effort. Tobin drove across town until they were pulling into a parking lot of a funky looking building with what appeared to be junk art everywhere.

“Have you ever been here?” Tobin asked.

“No! What is this place?”

“Satchel’s pizza. A Gainesville tradition!”

The girls parked and made their way to a hostess, who took their name and gave them a pager. They wandered around as they looked at everything—funky art, stained glass windows, cinderblock walls, and a little shop of trinkets. Eventually, their pager went off and they made their way to the host stand.

They were seated at a small outdoor table that was covered in glass mosaic and given menus. Their feet kicked the mulch as they held each other’s hands across the table and considered the menu. A server eventually came around and took their order. When he left, the two stared into one another’s eyes.

“This place is so cool, Tobin. Very hippie Gainesville.” Christen started.

“Just wait until you try the pizza!”

“Hey, this has been a really magical day. You’ve shown me so many parts of this town I would have never known about.” Christen then softly added “And, it’s just been wonderful to spend time with you.”

Tobin smiled shyly and took Christen’s other hand. “I’m glad that this has come anywhere close to living up to the epic date you planned. Here’s to many more.” Tobin raised her water glass and clinked it to Christen’s as Christen replied “to many more.”

The girls had a marvelous dinner, laughing with one another as they told stories about their past. It seemed like they were never not touching. Even when both of their hands were occupied, they’d be touching feet or knees under the table.

If you were to ask her right then, and she were being honest, Christen would tell you that Tobin’s touch was driving her wild. All day she’d found herself aching for Tobin, her body vibrating any time the girl was close. It was a small but consistent feeling of attraction, of want. Christen wanted Tobin. Her body was sending Tobin every signal.

If you were to ask Tobin right then, and she were being honest, she would have told you that her heart hadn’t really stopped racing since Christen straddled her on the soccer field. She would tell you that every brush of Christen’s hand was driving her mad; that she was getting to a point that she couldn’t take it anymore.

Both girls tried to play it cool, but the looks in their eyes gave them both away.

* * *

When the check arrived Tobin reached for it and pulled a piece of paper out of her wallet alongside eight dollars. She placed it down on the table and the server came around to grab it.

“Oh” he said upon seeing the check “one of these Hungry Machine things, huh? I haven’t seen many!”

Tobin nodded and replied “it’s about $2 short. The rest of the cash is for you.”

“Great, thanks. I hope y’all have a good night!” he said as he turned to go.

Christen looked at Tobin puzzled. “Hey, what did you just give him?”

Tobin’s face went totally red “Oh my god, was that bad manners? Oh fuck, I’m so sorry Chris. I just thought that I wanted to take you somewhere kind of nice and I can’t really afford it—”

“Tobin, what are you talking about?” Christen’s confused expression was growing.

“The coupon thing, the Hungry Machine thing, was that a mistake? It’s this new thing Lauren found online—you pay like $10 and they give you a $25 certificate for a place if enough people buy them. Oh god, I should have paid full-price for the meal. Oh, you must think I’m such a cheapskate. I know you, like, have money and are used to going on nice dates and this is probably such a wrong way to pay for a date. Fuck, Chris.” Tobin rambled.

“Hey.” Christen said gently as she moved around the table to sit next to Tobin, “I do have money Tobin, but why would I care if you used a coupon on a date? People don’t get money by spending it poorly—coupons are great.”

“Oh.” Tobin replied, her voice small, embarrassment still painting her cheeks, “I just, you know, without my parents I just don’t really have any money—I just have the little I make as an RA and teaching a few guitar lessons. I guess I just worried… I didn’t know if it was embarrassing that I just used an internet coupon to pay for our date.”

Christen pressed her lips against Tobin’s cheek, “Definitely not.” She then turned Tobin’s face toward hers and kissed the side of her mouth “I don’t care what money you do or don’t have. I just care about you.” She then leaned in parting her lips slightly to meet Tobin’s “Besides,” then she took Tobin’s bottom lip between her teeth and pulling slightly before releasing it, “you went out of your way to do something really special for me today. It’s actually pretty hot.”

Tobin’s breath left her lungs and she felt her body tingling under Christen’s words.

Christen purred “Do you want to get out of here? I know a really hip spot, Room 4-1-1. I have a feeling if we go there we can be alone.”

The heat on Tobin’s face remained, but what was once embarrassment was replaced by pure desire. She stood and grabbed Christen’s hand, leading her quickly through the restaurant to the car.

* * *

The car ride home was impossibly long. Fifteen minutes felt like three hours.

Christen kept her hand behind Tobin’s head, playing softly with the baby hairs on her neck, pulling her in to kiss her passionately every time they hit a stoplight. Tobin kept one hand on the wheel and the other on Christen’s thigh, her fingers tracing light circles as they drove.

When they finally made it back and parked the car, Christen unbuckled her seatbelt and crawled over the center console to straddle Tobin. She reached beside Tobin to pull the lever and lean the driver seat back. Tobin was really starting to enjoy Christen’s proclivity for straddling her.

“Fuck, babe.” Tobin moaned between deep kisses “this is so fucking hot.”

The two worked each other up until they were reaching under the hems of one another’s shirts, hands on ribs, nails digging into skin as they moved together. It was messy and needy.

“Toby, can we please go to your room now?” Christen begged.

Tobin chuckled at the younger girl. “I’d love to, but I’m a bit pinned down at the moment. Lead the way?” She asked with a raised eyebrow.

Christen sighed and opened the driver’s side door before crawling off Tobin. Tobin followed, wrapping Christen in her arms from behind and kissing the side of her neck before biting it lightly. She then grabbed Christen’s hand and pulled her toward their building.

The girls made their way inside, praying they wouldn’t see anyone they knew. They knew their hair was a mess and their lips were swollen. And, if they had to wait another second to really have one another, they felt they both might burst from want.

Fortunately, the coast was clear. The girls rushed down the hall and into Tobin’s room.

Before Tobin could finish closing the door, Christen had her pressed up against it crooning “Fuck, Tobin, you have no idea how much I’ve thought about this, how much I want this.” Christen pressed her lips hotly into Tobin’s before kissing her neck and pressing into her, hands flat against the door beside older girl. Tobin’s hands were firmly on Christen’s waist, pulling her in as they made out. “God, that’s hot Chris. You’re so fucking hot.”

Christen backed up, taking her body weight off of Tobin before pulling at the older girl’s shirt. Tobin lifted her hands and Christen pulled Tobin’s shirt off over her head. “You’re beautiful.” She mumbled as she pressed her mouth into the newly exposed skin. She ran her fingers along the waistband of Tobin’s joggers, pulling Tobin toward her.

Tobin gathered the fabric of Christen’s shirt and pulled it over her head. Tobin audibly choked upon seeing Christen’s bra before pulling the girl across the room and pushing her against the bed. It was fast, and strong, and still felt like it was taking too long. Tobin hooked her thumbs into the side of Christen’s yoga pants and started to pull them down as she dropped to her knees and Christen wriggled out of the pants.

Christen was wearing simple blue underwear, but Tobin could certainly see the effect she was having through the cloth. “Fuck, Chris, that’s so hot. Can… can I taste you?” she said looking up at Christen.

“God, baby. Yes, please.”

Tobin put her mouth on the outside of Christen’s underwear, dragging her tongue across them, pressing it roughly against the fabric. Christen’s hips bucked forward and she moaned. Tobin put her index fingers on either side of Christen’s underwear and pulled them down her legs. Tobin looked at Christen with total desire as she brought the panties down her legs, placing kisses on her thighs, and lifting Christen’s right leg over her shoulder. Christen was certain she had never felt so wanted. Tobin moved her face in and drew her tongue all the way across Christen’s center from the back to the front. The younger girl went weak in the knees and lost her balance, falling back onto the bed.

“Fuck, you’re so wet Chris. You taste amazing, baby.”

Christen sighed as Tobin put her mouth back on her, offering another long lick. “Jesus Christ, Tobin.” Was all she could muster, tangling her hands in the older girl’s hair and starting to move her hips in sync with Tobin’s tongue. “Fuck yes, Toby, right there.” Christen moaned as Tobin started to concentrate her tongue on Christen’s clit. “Fuck, baby, please don’t stop.” Tobin pressed her mouth into Christen even harder, making small circles around her clit as Christen bucked into her face. Christen’s hands were in her hair, guiding her. It felt incredible. Tobin hummed and Christen’s hips jutted upward as she came and yelled out “Fuck. Tobin. Yes!” Tobin let Christen ride out the rest of the orgasm gently.

Tobin climbed on the bed next to Christen. “Holy shit, Toby. That was so much better than I could have ever imagined. Seriously, how did you do that? I've never felt like that. That was so perfect.”

Tobin just smiled at Christen and kissed her cheek. Christen turned her head and pulled Tobin in for a kiss, running her tongue along Tobin’s lips, tasting herself. “Fuuuccckk” Tobin moaned as she felt Christen’s tongue. It was impossibly sexy. Christen climbed over Tobin, straddling her on the bed. “Why do you have so many clothes on?”

Tobin gave her a smirk, “sorry, I was just really eager to taste you.”

Christen hooked her fingers around Tobin’s pants and underwear and moved down the bed, pulling them off simultaneously as Tobin arched her back to let Christen take them. Then she pulled Tobin’s arms, indicating that she should sit up, before pulling Tobin’s sports bra over her head. “Hey, not fair!” Tobin protested before ridding Christen of her bra as well.

The two took one another in, hands moving everywhere, caressing one another's bodies. “I can’t believe how perfect you are” Tobin murmured, staring at Christen’s body. “Fuck, Toby, have you seen yourself?” Christen replied settling her hands on Tobin’s hips and moving down to take one of Tobin’s nipples into her mouth.

“Fuucckkk” Tobin sighed as Christen worked her tongue around her left nipple and then her right. Tobin reached out, palming Christen’s hanging breasts as Christen let out a filthy moan. Christen moved her hand between Tobin’s legs, playing softly around the point where Tobin’s legs met her center, tracing around her skin before sliding her fingers gently through Tobin’s folds.

Tobin’s hips shifted toward Christen’s hands and the noise Tobin let out was downright dirty. It was something that Christen thought she might really get addicted to. Christen moved to Tobin’s collarbone with her mouth as she started to vary the speed and pressure between Tobin’s legs. Before long, Tobin was begging for Christen to move her fingers inside, and Christen happily obliged, first with one finger, and then with two. Tobin felt incredible under Christen. It was like Christen had infinite power to give the girl beneath her pleasure. Christen started to push in and out of Tobin faster and used her other thumb to rub Tobin’s clit.

The older girl was coming completely undone under her. It was so hot. Christen kept pumping in and out, curling her fingers inside, as she sucked on Tobin’s nipples and planted a trail of kisses down her stomach. Tobin’s hips were moving, but Christen was holding them down as she moved her face above Tobin’s center. Christen took Tobin’s clit between her lips and sucked hard before giving her a series of short licks. Tobin let out a loud cry of pleasure and grabbed Christen’s hair as her walls closed around Christen’s fingers. Christen slowed her pace, letting Tobin work through her orgasm.

“Fuck, Chris.” Tobin panted. “How? How did— Fuck that was amazing.” Tobin knew she had never come that hard.

Christen crawled her way up to where Tobin was and lied down as the older girl held her. “Wow.” She started. “You’re telling me.” Tobin replied. The two lay tangled up in one another listening to each other breathe, playing softly with one another’s skin. Neither of them ever wanted to move again unless it was to do more of this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everyone doing okay out there? Don't worry, we'll get some hot UCLA smut eventually. 
> 
> I welcome, questions, comments, and corrections below or to come find me on tumblr ijustcrushalot.


	47. be mine?

**November 30, 2007, Los Angeles, CA**

The evening of the NCAA quarterfinal against Portland U., Tobin and Kelley found themselves walking though the crisp fall air back to her dorm, considering the game they’d just won, with an ever-so-slight beer buzz. Tobin was glad that Portland’s star forward, Megan Rapinoe, was out with an ACL tear. The team’s strategy seemed to be built around the girl, and the Bruins had plenty of opportunities to exploit the Pilots’ weaknesses to defeat them in the quarterfinals for the second year in a row.

Afterwards, all of the girls had convened at the soccer house to have a couple of drinks and celebrate. Unlike after most victories that season, they’d decided kept the group small—enjoying one another as teammates; not imposing pressure to worry about their love lives or freshman fraternity brothers draining their alcohol supply. It’d been a perfect night—a win and some team bonding. It felt like the early part of the season all over again.

As they approached their door, Tobin noticed a small note taped to it.

_Tobin,   
Come find me?   
XO,   
Christen_

Kelley taunted “oooooooo, someone’s in troubleeeee.”

“Shut up, Kel. She put XO. That's hugs and kisses. That doesn't sound like trouble! Maybe she doesn’t even know I went to Sac?”

“Tobin, it’s supposed to be XOXO. You only got one kiss and one hug. You’re totally busted!”

Tobin hadn’t spoken to Christen since her trip to Sacramento. They’d been ships in the night—never finding a time to connect. Tobin had been busy ramping up for the quarterfinals (and possibly slightly avoiding Christen) and Christen had been out a lot working on a group project. They’d left notes for one another, but nothing had panned out. Tobin wasn’t sure if Christen knew about Tobin’s visit to see her mother, and she honestly wasn’t sure whether she wanted her to know. Tobin knew Alyssa was still at the soccer house, so Christen was alone in her room. _Maybe she should wait for Lyss to come back? So there'd be a witness to her murder? No. She needed to do this now. _

"I guess it's now or never" she sighed. 

Kelley gave Tobin a pat on the back and a “good luck, bud” before disappearing into their room, shutting the door behind her.

Tobin took a deep breath, crossed the hall, and knocked on the door to room 411. Christen answered and, upon seeing Tobin, flung the door open, grabbed Tobin by the lapels (well, the lapels she created with her hands out of Tobin’s hoodie), and kissed her deeply. “Mmm, I’ve been missing you.”

Tobin sighed into Christen “I’ve been missing you too, babe.”

“You taste a little like cheap beer” Christen accused and Tobin gave her a guilty smile.

"I just had two with the girls," Tobin admitted. Christen laughed, took Tobin’s hand, and turned to lead her inside.

“I went to your game today. You were amazing, Tobin. Really phenomenal!”

“Chris, you should have said something. I was so in the zone I didn’t even think to look up in the stands for you. I would have waved or something!”

Christen kissed her gently again. “Well, I wanted you in the zone.” And then after a moment “You and Kelley were both amazing out there. I’m floored, I’m so impressed.”

“Thank you, Chris. And, thank you for coming!” Tobin gushed, smiling broadly.

Christen changed the subject, “so, I, uh… heard you talked to my mom?” Tobin’s face fell.

Tobin looked at the floor and rubbed the back of her neck. “Yeah, I… um… I… yeah I did. What— what do you know?”

“Why don’t you have a look?” Christen replied, pulling Tobin to sit on her lap at her desk and look at her open computer. She clicked to an open Internet Explorer window and searched for "Governor Stacy Press News." Christen clicked the second link to load an article from the Sacramento Bee. 

Tobin read the title of a news article aloud:

_“**California Governor “Comes Out” In Favor of Gay Marriage Ahead of Landmark State Supreme Court Appeal”**_

“Holy shit, Chris, seriously?”

“Keep reading.”

_Sacramento, CA_

_As the California Supreme Court considers numerous appeals and challenges to decisions allowing for same-sex marriage, Governor Stacy Press has weighed in. Giving a heartfelt statement during an official press conference on Tuesday, the Governor announced that her administration was “taking a stand on this timely and important issue.” The governor noted that she feels she has “been behind on this fundamental issue of human rights,” but would now support marriage equality for all. The governor cited an encounter with a UCLA student during her public office hours as the impetus for her decision to change. “Talking to the student from UCLA made me realize what I would want for my own daughters, one of whom attends UCLA. Regardless of who they love, I believe they should be protected under the law and allowed to marry any other consenting adult. I want to apologize to everyone who deserved that I to take this stance months ago, but particularly to my daughter Christen, who has sacrificed a lot for me to be weak on this issue. It has taken me too long to come around. I was acting out of political expediency, but I can no longer do that in good conscious.”_

Tobin sat stunned, tears in her eyes. Looking over her shoulder at the girl below her she asked, “How—how did you know it was me? The UCLA student?”

Christen leaned forward and kissed her shoulder blade. “My mom called me after the press conference, you goof. It’s not like I don’t talk to her.” She rested the side of her head on Tobin’s back, keeping her arms wrapped around the girl. “At first I was really stunned when she told me you came to see her. I wasn’t sure whether to be mad or sad. I was honestly about to come bust down your door and yell at you. I apologized to her profusely and was cursing you, telling her I couldn’t believe what you’d done when she cut me off. She said she was really glad you came to see her. That you gave her the most heartwarming speech she’s ever heard. And she told me I was really lucky to find someone like you, who would risk so much for me, and that I should hold onto you.” Christen kissed Tobin’s back softly again. “Toby, I know it’s going to be hard to be with me. I’ve been living in the closet for so long, looking over my shoulder at every turn. But, if you’ll have me, I’d like to be yours.”

Tobin stood up and turned around to take Christen’s chin in her hand before bending down to place a deep and meaningful kiss on her lips. “I’d like to be yours, as well, Chris.”

“Good. Then can I take you on a date?”

“Ha! Of course, babe.”

“Well, what about tomorrow? You won’t leave for the next stage of the tournament until later in the week, right?”

Tobin kissed her gently, “that sounds perfect. God, I’m so glad you’re not mad at me.”

“You're lucky you have the governor of California vouching for you. Just never pull anything like that again, okay?”

“Trust me, I won’t,” holding up her right hand and pretending to place her left on a bible in front of her she smirked, “I promise never to harangue your mom again. It was a one-time thing. Now, about your dad, though…” Tobin teased, earning a light punch from Christen.

_Maybe everything was going to be okay. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fluff in the time of COVID. 
> 
> Thanks for everyone who's been reading. I really appreciate it! Feel free to leave any comments here or come find me on tumblr: ijustcrushalot.tumblr.com, if you want to chat!
> 
> Stay healthy out there.


	48. I want to take you home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eventual California smut warning

**December 1, 2007, Los Angeles, CA**

Tobin knocked on room 411 ten minutes before Christen said she’d pick Tobin up. Christen promptly answered the door, fully dressed and ready to go. “Hey, I thought I was coming to you. And, you’re early?” She said with a dramatic faux-gasp.

Christen was dressed in a tight black dress. She’d straightened her hair and applied just the right amount of makeup to make her look naturally stunning. Tobin's mouth dropped open “wow, I really can’t believe you’re mine.”

Tobin was dressed in slim fitting pants and a nice button-up shirt. Unlike every other time Christen had seen her, she really looked like she put in effort. Like she wanted this to go well. “I think I’m the lucky one here.” Christen remarked, stepping forward to plant a kiss on Tobin’s lips.

Tobin brought a hand around from behind her back to reveal a bouquet flowers already sitting in a beautiful blown glass vase. The vase was long and thin. It had a swirling rainbow colors that faded to a clear stem. It resembled a cross between stained glass and an aquarium with an assortment of colorful fish. “Since I was partially responsible for you losing your last vase and flowers.”

“Tobin, these are beautiful! And this vase! Wow.” Christen remarked, taking in the gift.

“It’s from a local glass artist. His kid came to our summer soccer camp last year and I’ve sort of been mentoring her since. He said I could pick out anything from his shop as a gift, and this just seemed so--you.”

“That’s amazing,” Christen said pulling Tobin in to herself again, “you’re amazing.”

“Well, I wanted to surprise you, so I knew I had to come early. You were about to come knock on my door weren’t you?” Tobin accused playfully.

“I was” Christen admitted sheepishly “I’ve been ready for like 10 minutes and have just been watching the clock. I’m just so excited to take you on a date!”

“Well then, Christen Press, take me on a date.”

Christen set the vase down on her desk and grabbed her keys before making her way out the door. She led Tobin down the stairs and to the parking lot where her car was parked holding her hand the whole time.

She even opened the door of her BMW for Tobin, telling the older girl “Clearly, I’m a gentleman,” eliciting laughter.

When they pulled off of campus, they headed south on the 405, past the airport, before exiting in Torrance and heading west. The girls discussed everything along the way, from Tobin’s anxiety about the upcoming semi-final match to Christen’s thoughts about using blue books for essay tests. They found conversation easy, and Tobin held Christen's hand and placed light kisses on it throughout the ride.

As they sat at a stop light after exiting, Tobin asked “So, do I get to know where you’re taking me?”

“Home” Christen said, looking at her and attempting to wink.

Tobin suddenly felt panic rising “Christen, you’re taking me to your house? Oh god, is your family going to be there. I don’t know if I’m ready to see—”

Christen shushed her “Tobin, calm down, my family is in Sacramento, remember? I definitely would not take you to meet my parents, or my sisters on our second first date!”

Tobin calmed then, rubbing her thumb along Christen’s hand “Oh, okay, sorry I freaked out.”

“It’s no big deal, babe, but some day you will have to meet them, you know—well, meet my mom again” she finished with a chuckle.

Tobin chuckled, as well. “I need at least a week to prepare, okay?”

* * *

As they made their way through Christen’s neighborhood Tobin found herself in awe of the houses. Her family was certainly upper-middle class, but the Palos Verdes houses were really something to behold. They pulled into Christen’s driveway and she pushed a button to open the garage. They parked in the garage and Christen led Tobin inside.

When they entered the house Christen called out “Josué? Está aqui? I saw your truck out front!”

A man’s voice responded from in the house “Miss Christen! Sí, estoy en la cocina!”

Christen led Tobin down a tastefully decorated hallway to a massive kitchen where a man in his mid 60's was coking on an 8-burner gas stove. When the girls made their way in, Christen dropped Tobin’s hand and ran toward the man who was cooking “Josué! It is so good to see you.” The man gathered Christen up into a hug and spun her around. “It’s been so long, mija. Look at you, a college girl now!”

“I know! Too long. Josué, this is my girlfriend, Tobin.” Christen replied, gesturing toward the older girl.

“Nice to meet you, Tobin.” Josué said extending his hand to shake Tobin’s. “You must be pretty special for Christen to call this viejo up to come cook for you,” he said, pointing to himself.

“She is.” Christen replied in a steady voice, her eyes on Tobin.

“Okay, well I just need about 5 more minutes and I’ll get out of your way, Miss Christen.”

“You’re never in the way, Josué. Thank you so much for doing this at all! We’ll get out of your hair. I’ll take Tobin out to the backyard. Please don’t leave without saying goodbye!”

Christen led Tobin to a small wet bar where she grabbed a bottle of pinot gris from a wine fridge and two glasses. She uncorked the wine, filled both glasses halfway and gave Tobin one of the glasses. Christen led them outside where Tobin found herself stopping dead in her tracks. “Holy shit, Chris. That’s the ocean.”

Christen chuckled, “very observant, Tobin.”

“I can’t believe you got to grow up here. This is stunning!”

Christen nodded in agreement “I’m really so so so lucky.”

The girls made their way to a set of Adirondack chairs on a raised deck that faced west. Christen turned on a small propane heater as the girls sat down and looked toward the setting sun.

“Wow, Chris, this is really amazing.” Tobin said, taking a long sip of her wine.

The girls sat peacefully, enjoying the scenery for a few minutes before Josué popped his head out of the back door and called to them. Christen led them inside, placing her wine glass down in front of one of two dining settings in the dining room. She gestured for Tobin to sit at the other place setting and indicated that she’d return shortly.

Christen said goodbye to Josué, giving him a giant hug. He gave her some fatherly advice about making sure she was eating healthily at college and told Christen to call him the next time she was in town. When he left, Christen gathered the two bowls full of butternut squash soup he prepared and brought it out to Tobin.

“We’re having a three-course meal tonight.” She said as she set down the warm soup in front of Tobin.

“This smells amazing.” Tobin replied.

“Yep, Josué is a chef friend of my Dad’s. Well, really, the whole family’s. He used to be the chef one of the restaurants nearby, but now he’s retired and just owns the place. He has always done catering for our family, since I can remember. When I was a kid he even used to let me help him cook—he’s always been like an uncle to me. When I thought about taking you out on a date, I thought I might take you to his restaurant, but then I thought, actually, it would be better if I could get him to cook for us. We talked for like two hours when I called him to see if he might be interested. He was so excited to do it!”

“Chris, that’s so cool!” Tobin remarked, taking a spoonful of soup and moaning in delight at the taste, “and this is SO good.”

The girls finished their soup and Christen refilled their wine glasses. Then she went to the kitchen and returned with two plates of black pasta covered in shrimp and scallops. “Have you ever had squid ink pasta?” she asked Tobin, placing the plate in front of her.

“No! What is that?”

“Oh my god, you’re going to love it, Tobin. Josué makes the very best squid ink pasta in the greater-LA area. It’s literally pasta marinated in squid ink. It’s fantastic.”

Tobin looked at her with a cocked eyebrow and spoke with a bit of hesitation in her voice, “whatever you say, Chris.”

When Tobin took the first bite, though, she let out a moan that sounded even filthier than the moan she’d made for the soup. “Oh my god, Chris. This is so good. It’s, like, perfect.”

“I told you!” Christen asserted.

The two girls enjoyed their pasta, laughing and clinking their glasses together saying “cheers to us” several times. They’d kissed several times, as well, the kiss becoming more passionate each time. Eventually they pulled their chairs together so that they could touch one another as they ate.

When they finished, Christen picked up their plates and disappeared into the kitchen, saying she was going to get dessert. Tobin told Christen she was stuffed but would take at least bite of whatever Christen had.

Tobin swooned over Christen as she went. Christen’s long legs led to a round ass that her dress accentuated perfectly. Tobin smiled to herself as she sat waiting for Christen to bring dessert, thinking about just how incredibly lucky she was to be with the girl. Tobin easily considered Christen the sexiest girl she’d ever met. And, it was truly incredible that they actually got along. Christen was Tobin’s dream girl. Tobin thanked God then for brining Christen into her life and for connecting her to Christen in the other universe.

* * *

Tobin wasn’t sure how long she’d been sitting there, lost in thought, but it started to feel like it had been a long time—much longer than the last times Christen’d gone to retrieve food. “Hey Chris, you okay in there?” Tobin called out.

After a moment Christen replied “Yep, I’m all good. But, actually, will you come help me get the dessert?”

Tobin folded her napkin and placed it on the table before sliding her chair back and making her way into the kitchen.

When she arrived she quickly had to grab onto a countertop to keep herself standing upright.

There, in the kitchen, was Christen Annemarie Press holding a bottle of champagne entirely naked except for platform heels and what could best be described as a whipped cream bikini. Tobin felt like she’d just walked onto a porn set staring her girlfriend. She grasped onto the counter, her mouth and eyes wide, heart beating out of her chest. In a sultry voice Christen spoke to Tobin, walking toward her “so, Toby, I know you said you didn’t really want dessert, but I was hoping I might interest you in some anyway.”

Tobin could only nod vigorously. Her mouth was completely dry. She couldn’t even swallow, much less form words to respond to the absolute goddess in front of her.

Christen popped the cork on the champagne and told Tobin to “open up.” Tobin opened her mouth and Christen took her jaw and tilted her head back. Christen poured the champagne into Tobin's open mouth, some spilling over the edges. Christen quickly licked the excess champagne before sliding her tongue into Tobin’s mouth.

Tobin was totally slack-jawed. She was under Christen’s spell and she was positively going to let Christen do whatever she wanted in that moment. Christen slowly unbuttoned Tobin’s shirt, opening it up so that Tobin’s bra was exposed. Her chest heaving up and down. She slid a finger down Tobin’s abs and grabbed Tobin by the belt buckle as she started to slowly undo her belt. “What do you think, Toby?” she cooed “can I take these off?” Again, Tobin could only nod.

Christen pulled Tobin’s pants to the floor in one fell swoop as she got on her knees and ran her tongue up Tobin’s left thigh. She placed a hand on Tobin’s ass and started to pull her closer, putting her mouth on Tobin’s center over the fabric of her boyshorts.

It was like all Tobin needed was Christen's touch to snap back to reality. Feeling suddenly bold, she grabbed Christen’s wrist, led her to her feet, and her pushed her back against the kitchen island by her hips. Tobin stepped out of her shoes and pants, still wearing her shirt, bra, and boyshorts. “Now, Chris, you offered me dessert. I think it’s only fair if I get to eat first. I am your guest after all.”

Christen shuddered under Tobin’s touch and gasped loudly as Tobin quickly moved to bend her head down and lick the whipped cream off her right breast. Tobin pressed into Christen’s hip bones with the heel of her hands as her tongue circled Christen’s nipple.

“Mmmm. So good, Chris.” She moaned, sending a shiver down Christen’s spine. Tobin then turned her mouth to the other breast licking off the whipped cream slowly. She used her right hand to palm Christen’s right breast and then roll Christen’s nipple between her fingers. Christen sighed into Tobin “Fuck, yes, baby.” Once Tobin had rid Christen’s breasts of whipped cream she sucked roughly on both nipples before grabbing Christen by the waist and saying “up.” She helped the younger girl onto the island and pulled her toward the edge. She started to lick off the whipped cream bikini bottoms. As she made her way to the base of the makeshift clothing, she urged Christen to recline. “Lean back, babe.”

Christen settled back on her hands just as Tobin ran a long flat tongue from her entrance to her clit, humming in pleasure at the taste. Christen collapsed so that her back was flat against the marble island as Tobin ran her tongue through one more time. She couldn’t hold herself up. “Fuck, baby,” Christen breathed out. “You’re so fucking wet, Chris.” Tobin replied. “god, you taste amazing.”

Tobin started to move her tongue through Christen’s folds quicker as the younger girl started to writhe. Then, Tobin put an arm across Christen’s pelvis as she fucked her tongue inside Christen. Christen cried out “oh. Baby. Fuck. Yes. More. Please.” as Tobin’s tongue glided in and out. Christen’s legs closed around Tobin’s head as she shuddered beneath the girl. Tobin brought her left hand up and pushed two fingers inside Christen, eliciting a moan of delight. She started to fuck her faster as she moved her tongue to Christen’s clit. Christen’s clit was hard and so responsive to every pass of Tobin’s tongue. 

Tobin teased Christen as she pumped her fingers in and out “is this what you wanted baby? Is this what you had in mind when you brought me home? When you covered yourself in whipped cream and called me in here? You wanted me to fuck you like this on your kitchen counter?”  
  


“Oh, fuck, baby, yes.” Christen begged. “Please. Fuck, Toby, this is better. Oh god you’re so much better than I could have imagined. Please, I’m begging you baby, please don’t… please don’t stop.”

Christen’s hips bucked upward as Tobin buried her face between Christen’s legs again and sucked on her clit, thrusting her fingers deeper into Christen and curling them as she pulled out. “Oh my fucking god, Tobin.” Christen screamed as her walls tightened around Tobin’s fingers and she soaked the other girl’s hand. Tobin let her fingers steady for a second before pulling them out and pushing her tongue back inside. She licked gently up toward Christen’s clit again as the younger girl jolted underneath her, overstimulated. “Holy fuck, Tobin. I don’t think I’ve ever come that hard.” Christen said placing her hand on her now sweaty forehead.

Tobin beamed at Christen, “Chris that was seriously the hottest thing I’ve ever done. Holy shit, babe.”

Christen gathered herself and sat up on the counter before sliding off and grabbing Tobin by the lapels. She pulled her in saying “what do you think, baby, can I taste myself on you?” Tobin moaned into the kiss, their tongues battling one another. Christen reached down and ran her index and middle finger over the crotch of Tobin’s boyshorts. Tobin had soaked through them enough that Christen’s fingers were covered in her arousal when she bought them back up. “Mmmm, Tobin, it looks like you’re a little wet for me.” Christen teased as she brought her fingers into her mouth and sucked. The sight was so hot and Tobin let out Christen’s name in a breathy cry.

Christen grabbed her by the hand and led her into the living room. Tobin followed from behind, eyes fixed on Christen’s perfect ass. When they got to the living room Tobin placed her front agains’t Christen’s back, palming the younger girl’s breasts and biting her shoulder. Christen arched back into Tobin, running her hands back behind her hips and into Tobin’s underwear. She turned to meet Tobin and pulled her shirt down and off of her arms. She pushed Tobin down onto the couch as she disposed of Tobin’s bra. She straddled the older girl, palming her breasts as she kissed her hotly. Tobin quickly reversed their positions, laying Christen down on the couch and slotting their legs together. Christen raised her knee up and Tobin grinded down on her thigh, sighing at the friction. Christen ran her hands into Tobin’s underwear and grabbed her ass, guiding her up and down.

Tobin was getting worked up so quickly, and Christen felt her start to shudder. So, she dropped her legs and pulled Tobin’s boyshorts down. Tobin stood up and took them off before making her way back on top of Christen. “Sit on my face, baby.” Christen insisted.

Tobin didn't think she could get any wetter, but in that moment she did. She straddled Christen as Christen wriggled down below her. Christen put her arms around Tobin’s thighs and pulled her down. Christen’s tongue went immediately to work, _and GOD did it work._ She started with quick licks up and down before making little circles around Tobin’s clit. Then, she stuck her tongue into Tobin’s entrance and encouraged the girl above her to move up and down as she fucked in and out of her. Tobin was holding onto the back of the couch, trying not to collapse in pleasure onto the girl underneath her. She looked down and found Christen’s green eyes staring into hers, a look of pure enjoyment on her face. Tobin had never seen anything so hot.

Christen tapped on her thigh and Tobin crawled off of her and back to the other side of the couch. Christen made her way on top of Tobin, spreading Tobin’s legs around her hips and pushed a finger into Tobin. Tobin rocked back, her ass on Christen’s thighs. Christen added another finger and started to move them in and out. She brought up her left thumb and began to thumb Tobin’s clit. She could feel the girl building. When she felt Tobin was properly worked up, she moved to straddle one of Tobin’s legs and removed her fingers to start to play with Tobin’s clit with her right hand. The girl was moaning “yes. Chris. Fuck. Yes.” on loop. Christen used her body weight to lean her thigh against her fingers as she played with Tobin’s clit, giving the girl extra pressure. Within a minute, Tobin was grunting, freezing, and calling out Christen’s name as she came.

Christen collapsed beside other girl breathing heavily. “That was amazing.” She started. “That was perfect. You are so fucking hot.” Tobin replied. After a few minutes Tobin ran her fingers along Christen’s curves “round 2?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Saturday to all. Stay healthy out there!


	49. Come away with me,

**December 3, 2007, Gainesville, FL**

“Come home with me for Christmas break?” Chirsten’s voice carried into the darkness of Tobin’s room. They were laying together in Tobin’s extra-long twin bed having just turned off the movie _Love Actually_. 

Tobin had been just drifting off to asleep. She stirred, unsure of what she’d just heard. “What’d you say, Chris?”

“I said come home with me, babe. Come to California. For Christmas. You told me yesterday you didn’t know what you were going to do for the break, so just come with me.”

Tobin stared into the darkness trying to detect any hint of the origin of the question. _Why was Christen suddenly inviting her to California? She probably just felt sorry for Tobin because they’d just watched a Christmas movie, and Christen realized Tobin had no family to return to for the holidays. _

“Chris, you don’t have to feel bad for me. I’ll find something to do with myself. Besides, it’s kind of fun when campus is empty. And I can always go to ARod’s or Cheney’s for Christmas, so I won’t be alone or anything.”

Christen’s body shifted under Tobin’s arm as she nuzzled closer to her RA. “Babe, I don’t feel bad for you, I just want to show you where I’m from. And, I want to spend time with you away from UF. You don’t have to come the whole time if you don’t want to, just come visit?” she pleaded. 

Tobin considered her options for a moment. She did want to go, but there was no way she could afford it. “Chris, I… Listen, I would love to see where you grew up. I am excited to meet your family one day, but I can’t afford a plane ticket right now, especially if we would be leaving in like two weeks.”

“Toby, I can buy your ticket. It’s really not even a little bit of a problem for me.”

Tobin swallowed hard, “I don’t—” she started as she considered her words “I don’t want to be, like, a charity case.” She wished that she could see Christen’s face. 

Christen hummed in understanding before propping herself up above Tobin. “Babe, you’re not a charity case. You’re my girlfriend, and I want to spend time with you in California. I can make that happen for us, will you please just let me?”

Tobin felt hesitant. In some ways, the request seemed to come out of nowhere. But she did, very much, want to spend time with Christen outside of school. On the other hand, going home with your girlfriend was _pretty intense_. And how would Christen’s parents feel when they found out that Tobin didn’t have any money? Would they think that she wasn’t good enough for Christen? Would they think their daughter was making a mistake?

Despite her budding anxiety, Tobin found herself nodding into the darkness hesitantly letting out the words “Okay, I guess…”

She was cut off by a searing kiss from Christen, feeling the younger girl press her body down onto her, silencing her racing thoughts. 

* * *

That’s how Tobin found herself standing on the curb of the Jacksonville Airport less than two weeks later, waving goodbye to Amy, her guitar in one hand, Christen’s hand in the other, and the strap of a duffel bag slung across her chest. 

“You ready, babe?” Christen asked, her voice giddy as she turned to drag her suitcase inside. 

“Ready as ever, I guess.” If Christen noticed that Tobin was anxious, she gave no indication.

Tobin had been trying to play it cool around Christen the past few days. Christen was incredibly excited to go home and see her family, and Tobin didn’t want to dampen Christen’s positivity. Still, her initial worries about the trip had only mounted. She’d never been home with a girlfriend, especially not one that lived across the country (especially not one with enough money to fly a stranger there from Florida).

Other people’s reactions to the trip had only made Tobin worry more. 

When she’d told Amy and Lauren, they’d both been shocked and said things like “wow, that’s really fast!” and “you sure you’re ready to meet the parents?” Kelley made a joke about Christen’s dad giving Tobin “the talk” about her intentions, jokingly pointing to her own left ring finger and saying “bling, bling, if you know what I mean” with a wink. 

On top of that, only a few days before she’d mentioned the trip idly to one of the members of a class project. The girl responded a long (and sad) story about how she’d been invited to “meet the parents” once, only to find that her girlfriend told them that she was “just a friend.". 

The whole way to the airport Tobin found her mind consumed with thoughts about meeting Christen’s family—what if they didn’t like her? What if they preferred Christen’s ex? What if Christen hadn’t even told them that she was bringing her girlfriend home? Did the Press family know her only as a “friend”? Did they even know anything about her? 

Christen walked with ease toward the ticket counter, blissfully unaware of Tobin’s growing worries. At the counter, Tobin stared at the floor and traced the patterns in the carpet with her left shoe while Christen made small talk with the ticket agent. The agent printed their tickets, placed baggage tags on their luggage, and wished them a safe flight. Christen thanked the agent before grabbing Tobin’s hand and skipping excitedly toward the security line, pulling the older girl along with her. 

As they waited in the security screening line, Christen began to notice how quiet and apprehensive Tobin seemed. “Are you afraid of flying, T?” she asked warmly.

Tobin shot her a pained look as she chewed on her lip. “No, it’s just… uh…” she swallowed and cast her eyes downward “do your parents know I’m coming?”

Christen gave a light backhanded smack to her arm. “Of course they do, silly. Do you think I’d just show up and be like ‘SURPRISE EVERYONE! I brought my girlfriend with me and didn’t tell you!”

Tobin sighed. “So, they do know? They know we’re together?”

“Of course, Tobin. Everyone Is excited to meet you!”

“Oh, okay. Okay, good.” Her expression still betrayed her worry. “But, like, what if they don't like me, Chris?”

Christen laughed aloud. “Tobin, they’re going to love you, because I love you. It’s going to be fine.” Christen giggled. Her eyes went wide as she watched an expression of surprise roll over Tobin’s face. “You…?”

Christen began to stammer “I, I mean. Ugh, I’m sorry I didn’t like mean to say that. I mean, it’s not that I don’t mean it. I just. I just like you a lot. You know what I mean? 

Shit, you’re terrified now aren’t you? I’m like dragging you into this too fast. I just told you that I loved you and, oh my god, now I’m taking you to meet my parents!

Tobin, I just meant to say that you’re my favorite person. And, my family is going to like you. A lot. And, I know we haven’t talked about, like, anything like that, so I don’t want you to be freaked out. I just…”

Emboldened by Christen joining her in a state of panic, Tobin pulled Christen toward her and kissed the younger girl. “I love you, too, Chris. I know it’s early and we don’t know where this is going to go, but you feel different to me. You feel special. So I’m okay with it whether you meant to say it or not because I feel it too. This…” she gestured between them “is something else.”

A man in the couple behind them drew out the word “awwww,” before his wife interrupted him. “Girls, good for you but we’ve got a plane to catch and the line is moving!” She nodded her head upward, raised her eyebrows, and looked behind them.

Tobin and Christen turned toward one another, giggled, and scurried hand-in-hand toward the end of the line that had long left them. <strike></strike>


	50. Ghosts of the past

**December 16, 2007, Somewhere Over California**

“Ladies and gentlemen, we are now beginning our initial descent into the Los Angeles International Airport. The flight attendants will be coming around to collect any remaining service items. At this time, please power off any electronic devices you may have used during flight and raise all seatbacks and tray tables into their upright and locked position.”

Christen laced her fingers through Tobin’s and squeezed her hand, smiling at her widely. Tobin squeezed back, staring into Christen’s _magnificent_ eyes which were dancing with joy and anticipation. Tobin wondered idly whether she was going to meet a different, more relaxed version of her girlfriend on this trip.

Christen was _quite_ regimented at UF: she was strict about her class schedule and always aimed to finish assignments early. She had also become even more obsessed with training lately as she was determined to make it further into the playoffs next season. Christen believed that as the second leading goal scorer (next to Kelley) she was primarily responsible for whether that happened or not. By the end of the semester, she had started dragging Tobin along for early-morning workouts. At first Tobin protested (a lot), but eventually she found comfort in the routine. It didn’t hurt that her body was getting stronger, and Tobin was starting to feel like an athlete again.

Still, Los Angeles Christen might be a different story. _Would Christen still be driven and regimented or would she take time to relax? Would she be bolder in California, being more at home? _Tobin knew that something might feel different—might be different—about the girl when she was in her original habitat. Of course, she wondered most about how Christen would feel going back to LA.

When Christen left LA for UF she was sad and lonely. She’d cried to Tobin about it even before they started dating. But, now, sitting on the plane she seemed enthusiastic about returning. Over the preceding weeks, Christen’d been so wrapped up in telling Tobin everything they were going to do, that Tobin wondered whether Christen might be about to slam into a past she’d forgot she left behind.

* * *

After deplaning, they made their way to baggage claim. As they were coming down the escalator, Christen dropped Tobin’s hand with an excited gasp and bounded down the moving stairs toward a girl who vaguely resembled her. Tobin chuckled as Christen jumped fully into the stranger’s arms.

“So, you must be the famous Tobin?” the stranger, whom Tobin assumed to be Christen's sister, Tyler, said as Tobin approached. Tyler opened her arms and pulled Tobin in for a tight hug.

“As long as I’m not infamous.” Tobin teased with a wink as they pulled apart.

The girls gathered their bags from the conveyer belt and made their way to Tyler’s car.

* * *

By the time the girls exited the 405 toward Palos Verdes, Tobin felt more at home than she’d expected. Conversation was easy with Tyler. She shared a lot of Christen's characteristics, including an ability to engage Tobin even when she was nervous.

As they made their way into Christen and Tyler's neighborhood, Tobin found herself in growing awe of the houses. She commented passively on the opulence of some of the estates. They pulled into a driveway of a beautiful home and Tyler pushed a button on her visor to open the garage. After parking, Tyler went ahead inside while Christen and Tobin gathered their things from the trunk.

Just after Tobin pulled her bag around her shoulder, Christen took her by the arms and pressed a small kiss on her lips. “Thank you for coming home with me. I love you. Are you ready to meet the parents?” Tobin smiled blissfully and Christen turned to lead her inside. A hum of anxiety grew louder in Tobin’s brain as they made her way through the door to the garage, down a tastefully decorated hallway, through a massive kitchen, and into the living room. Within steps Christen was immediately enveloped in a warm embrace.

“My baby is home from Florida!” she squealed, rocking her middle daughter from left to right. “And this must be Tobin!” She exclaimed, hugging Tobin tightly “I’m Stacy, welcome to our home.” Christen’s dad and sister followed, both opting for a handshake and a “nice to meet you” when it came to Tobin.

Christen’s dad (“call me Cody”) encouraged Christen to sit down with her mother and sister before turning to Tobin, “help me with the bags, Tobin? We’ll get them upstairs and then you can come join the rest of the girls.”

Cody picked up Christen’s suitcase, backpack, and Tobin’s guitar before nodding for Tobin to follow him. They made their way through a huge living room and up a set of beautiful stairs to reach the second floor. The entire place seemed meticulously decorated making Tobin worry that she might break something priceless with any clumsy turn. At the end of a photograph-lined hallway they turned left into a room that could only be properly described as _so perfectly Christen_.

The walls were neatly decorated with paintings of dogs, prints of flowers, photographs of the ocean. A built-in bookshelf was lined with trophies which sat in front of a color-coded array of books that essentially formed a giant rainbow wall. Everything looked like it had a perfect place, but the room was still warm and inviting.

“I don’t know what you and Mo want to do, but I blew up the mattress for you here” he said pointing to a queen-sized airbed in the middle of the floor. “We also have another room if you’d prefer that. Or maybe you want to stay in the same bed- I didn’t want to presume” he followed with a shrug. Tobin smiled as she replied, “I’m fine in here or whatever makes you all the most comfortable.”

Cody nodded and set Tobin’s guitar down “Great—I’m sure she wants you in here. Are you getting hungry yet, kid? I know you had a long flight.”

“Yeah, I guess I kind of am.” Tobin replied, realizing for the first time that in her nervousness, she hadn’t even considered food. So far, her interactions with the Presses had been positive, but their house was just _so damn nice_. As she made her way through the house, Tobin had felt knots tightening in her stomach—she still worried that her own finances might make the Presses think that she was unworthy of dating their daughter.

“Perfect. I think Stacy has put together a cheese board for you guys. Let’s go.” He headed out of Christen’s room and back down the stairs, Tobin in tow.

Christen greeted them at the base of the stairs, taking Tobin’s hand and ushering her outside. As they pushed through the back door, Tobin stopped dead in her tracks. “Holy shit, Chris. That’s the ocean.”

Christen laughed “very observant, Toby.”

“I can’t believe you got to grow up here. This is so beautiful and amazing!”

Christen nodded in agreement “I’m really so so so lucky.”

Christen guided the older girl to an outdoor table where the rest of the Press women were seated, laughing at a story Tyler was telling. Christen pulled out a chair for Tobin and the older girl sat down.

“Help yourself!” Stacy insisted, prompting Tobin to take a small plate and fill it with assorted cheeses, crackers, and meats.

“I love your house; it’s so amazing.” Tobin complimented just before taking a bite. She really was impressed, if intimidated, by the place.

“Thank you, sweetie, we’ve really been blessed.” Tobin smiled at Stacy with her mouth full.

After a moment Channing lazily attempted to engage Tobin: “So what was it like where you grew up? Christen said New Jersey?”

“Channing” Christen hissed. Channing responded with a look of confusion

Tobin placed her hand on Christen’s arm, “It’s okay, Chris.” Turning to Channing she answered, “Yeah, I grew up in New Jersey. We had a big back yard like this. I mean, we didn’t have the ocean but we did have lots of space to play sports and to have epic snowball battles. It was a ranch-style house—single story with a basement. Just your typical 70’s northeastern house, I guess,” she shrugged.

“Oh cool. Do your parents still live there?” Channing asked, still clearly unaware of why Christen had snapped at her before, “are they jealous that we’re getting you for Christmas?”

Tobin took a deep breath as she watched Christen attempt to admonish Channing with her eyes.

“I… uh… I don’t really know. I haven’t. um. I haven't talked to them in a few years. Well, I mean… they haven’t talked to me, I guess.”

Channing turned beet-red, suddenly realizing that she’d hit a sensitive subject.

“What do you mean?” Cody asked sitting down at the table.

“Dad!” Christen chastised tersely.

Tobin repeated her earlier sentiment, “Chris, it’s really okay.” She turned to Cody, “well, sir, um… my parents are pretty religious, you know? They weren’t as accepting of their daughter, um, dating other women as you two are. So, they kind of asked me to leave.”

“Oh you poor thing, I can’t imagine doing that to Chrissy.” Stacy sighed.

Christen frowned as she thought about the stories that Tobin from the other universe relayed via email.

“Mom, you could have. It was your choice to choose me over your political career. Tobin’s mom just… made a different choice.”

Stacy shot Christen a disbelieving look and opened her mouth to protest the suggestion.

“Well, Tobin, you will always be welcome to be exactly who you are in this household and we are thrilled to have you joining us for Christmas.” Cody interrupted.

Tobin smiled awkwardly, chewing on her cheek and softly replied “thank you, I’m really happy to be here.”

“Ohhh kaayyy.” Tyler drawled. “I think it might be time to open some wine. Come help me get everything, Tobin. We need to get you away from this incredibly awkward situation,” she joked as she whirled her finger around at her family. Everyone let out various protests as Christen tried, unsuccessfully, to catch Tobin’s gaze; Tobin keeping her eyes trained downward.

Tobin let out a chuckle and stood up to follow Tyler inside, relieved to have gotten the serious conversation about her family out of the way but worried that she was becoming someone to pity in their eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I now have a beta reader. She makes me use punctuation correctly and asks me to tell you what people are thinking instead of leaving that in my head. She's great. I'm happy she's around. Still, you can blame her if this all gets worse ;-). 
> 
> Comment below or come share your thoughts with me on Tumblr (ijustcrushalot; I also learned from my beta reader that leaving out the "i" in my tumblr name is a fun adventure). 
> 
> I hope everyone is doing well.


	51. A feeling, a shadow, a lonesome song

**December 20, 2007, Palos Verdes Estates, CA**

There’s a feeling you get, when you stand on the edge of a precipice. The feeling is automatic, powerful, and overwhelming; you have no say in whether you feel it or not. When you ask a person to describe what happened the moment they looked down from a high place, they easily can do so. Some will say they felt fear, others will say they felt awe, and still others, will say they felt hope. One of the dirty secrets of the universe is that what they were really feeling was the lie that is “choice.”

Few would say that they made a choice when they looked down over an edge and felt their muscles stiffen and their stomach tie in knots. That’s because choosing is supposed to be intentional—we’re supposed to be agents in our lives, in control of what’s happening to us. But really, the idea that we make millions choices is just a lie that we tell ourselves over and over again. Our brains and bodies make automatic decisions long before our minds can even consider them. Choice is mostly an illusion. A post-hoc justification. Your mind is a passenger trying to convince you it is driving.

In those first few seconds when you stand on an edge and look down, your body simply reacts: It makes a choice—not to fall—and then your mind catches up, creating a narrative to make you feel in control. You think that you are scared. You think you find it beautiful. You think maybe you’ve been here before. You call the feeling intuitive, a gut reaction. But really, you’re experiencing an extreme version of what happens to you in so many moments in your life: your body decides and your brain justifies.

For Tobin, loving Christen Annamarie Press was that feeling of standing on an edge. At first she felt like she had a say in the matter—like she was choosing—but really, Tobin couldn’t do anything but fall for the younger girl. The knots in her stomach, the way she felt weak: It was totally inevitable, like a physiological reaction to standing on an edge. She was left only to mentally justify it. She could point to the many wonderful qualities Christen exhibited: her beauty, laughter, kindness, intelligence. But she knew other people who shared those qualities, and she hadn’t fallen for them. Really having a list of reasons she loved Christen was just her mind's way of feigning control. Of convincing her she was choosing Christen.

But now, sitting on Christen’s parent’s deck as she watches Christen touch Alex’s arm playfully, Tobin feels herself gripping her chair, knuckles white, heart pounding in jealousy as she finally realizes: _she is just a passenger on this ride. _

* * *

Waking up next to Christen in California was more than Tobin had ever imagined. Every morning Christen would smile at her with sleepy eyes before Tobin would feel a hand draw across her hip as she was pulled in for a light kiss and a softly whispered “good morning.” It had become their routine the past few days and Tobin loved it. She knew that Christen was often feigning sleep just to stay in bed with her, and it was something she cherished; it was a small daily gift from the girl she loved.

* * *

Only a few minutes after they’d sat down to breakfast this morning had the house phone rang. Cody answered and sounded puzzled.

“Oh? Hi, Alex. It’s, um, good to hear from you.

…

Yes, Mo is here. Is she expecting your call?

…

Okay, let me see if she’s free to talk.”

Cody held the phone to his chest as he called out to Christen, “baby, Alex Morgan is on the phone, do you have a moment to chat?”

A tightness formed in Tobin’s throat and only grew stronger when Christen smiled and agreed to take the call, moving to take the phone from her dad. “Hey!” she called out enthusiastically, before moving to another room.

Cody sat back at the table. Everyone suddenly seemed acutely interested in the intricacies of their breakfast food as a tense silence blanketed the table. Tyler, ever the combatant of awkwardness, was the first to break.

“So, uh, did you meet Alex, Tobin? When she came out to see Christen in Florida?”

“Um, no, I didn’t get to. She came when I was playing a show and Christen left with her and then she flew out pretty soon after.” Tobin rolled a raspberry through a puddle of syrup that had accumulated on the edge of her plate.

“Oh, well, she’s really nice. I’m glad you’re cool with she and Christen being friends still. I know they kind of ‘dated,’ or whatever, and that’s probably why all of these fools won’t look at you,” she said gesturing to her family, “but, they’ve known each other forever and I think it’s good Christen still has Alex in her life.”

Tobin forced a chuckle and nodded. “Yeah, well, Chris gets to make her own decisions about who she wants to be friends with. I’d never presume to tell her otherwise.”

Stacy abruptly changed the subject, “Tobin, dear? You said your family is from New Jersey. Whereabouts?”

“Basking Ridge” Tobin answered happily, grateful that Alex’s praises were no longer being sung. 

“And, what did you say your parents’ names were?”

Tobin suddenly found herself wanting to shift the subject back to Alex. “Uh, Cindy and Je—"

Christen came bounding back into the room, interrupting Tobin’s sentence.

“What did I miss?” she asked.

“Nothing” Tyler said, “Tobin was just telling us that when Alex visited, she didn’t get to meet her.”

Christen smiled broadly, oblivious to the thick tension that had accrued in the air. “Well that’s okay! You’ll get to meet her today! She’s going to come over this afternoon.”

Tobin swallowed hard as a pained grin came across her face, “great!”

* * *

By the time that Alex arrived, Tobin had all but convinced herself that the Presses might ask her to leave when they saw Alex again. They seemed to be able to transcend whatever happened between Alex and Christen their senior year. It was almost as if the girl was a long-lost family member.

When Alex walked in the door, she’d wrapped her arms around Christen’s waist, lifting and spinning her as Christen squealed. Tobin knew that they’d been getting close again as of late but seeing it in person was something else entirely.

After she’d put Christen down, Alex made eye contact with Tobin—_wow, she had pretty eyes_, Tobin thought—Alex grinned at her, “Tobin, I’ve heard so much about you” before extending her arms and moving in for a hug. The hug felt familiar, like an echo of some contact they’d had before in some distant universe.

“It’s… It’s great to meet you, Alex.”

“You keeping Chrissy here happy?”

Tobin’s smile didn’t quite reach her eyes, “I’m trying my best.”

“Good, because if you don’t, I’m sure someone would gladly swoop right in and do it for you.” Alex said playfully.

Christen smacked Alex on the arm and rolled her eyes, “shut up!” Turning to Tobin she added “she’s joking, babe.” Alex looked at Tobin with a smirk of her own causing Tobin’s stomach to churn.

Alex moved past Tobin into the Press household where she seemed to be greeted warmly by everyone. The Presses asked her questions about her family and joked with her. Tobin tried her best to smile along but wasn’t sure whether there was even any color in her face. Soon, Tyler appeared at Tobin’s side, lacing her arm through Tobin’s and leaning in to whisper “don’t worry, Tobin. Their relationship has always seemed flirty, but Chrissy loves you.” Tobin swallowed and faked a smile, not quite comforted by Tyler’s words.

Eventually, Christen led Alex and Tobin into the back yard where the three sat in Adirondack chairs on the deck looking out at the ocean. Alex and Christen talked, catching each other up about the end of their semesters. Tobin found herself getting lost in her own head, trying to mentally escape her present situation. She was brought back from her wandering thoughts by a squeeze on her hand and her name being repeated.

“Tobin, Toby, Toby.”

“Huh? Sorry, the ocean is just so pretty”

“Alex wants to know if you want to jam with her? She brought her guitar.”

Tobin considered the offer for a moment. _Music might help._ “Sure. That sounds good.”

Christen playfully touched Alex’s arm “this will be fun! I can’t wait to hear you two together.”

Tobin smiled through clenched teeth as Alex made her way back to get her guitar from the car. Christen turned to her with a half-smile. “Babe, you okay? You’ve seemed a little off all day.”

“I’m fine, Chris.” Tobin said gruffly, looking past Christen

“You don’t seem fine, Tobin.” Christen stepped into her gaze giving her a stern look.

“Okay, it’s just—it’s a little weird to be hanging out with your ex, that’s all.”

“Tobin, you know that she was my best friend, for like ever.” Christen replied, defensively.

“Sure, but she wrecked you and then showed up on campus and then you just kind of forgot me. It kinda feels a bit like you’re forgetting me right now.” Tobin’s words came out softer with every word as she looked down.

“Oh, babe,” Christen replied, coming to her knees in front of Tobin. “You have nothing to worry about. Nothing at all. I love you and I could never forget you. I’ll do better to make you feel included and to show you I’m yours.” Christen smirked as she delivered those last words came out.

Tobin searched Christen’s face, a pained look on her own. Half-heartedly she let out an “okay,” before kissing Christen and standing up to go get her guitar.

* * *

When both Alex and Tobin had their guitars tuned up Tobin nodded to Alex and said “take it away, I’ll follow your lead.”

Alex started to gently strum while Tobin noodled around accompanying her. Alex started to sing

_I’m not saying it was your fault  
_ _Although you could have done more_

Tobin recognized the song, immediately joining in with a lower harmony.

_Oh, you’re so naive, yet so_

Alex shot her a look of approval and smiled as she sang

_How could this be done?  
_ _By such a smiling sweetheart  
_ _Oh, and your sweet and pretty face  
_ _In such an ugly way  
_ _Something so beautiful  
_ _That every time I look inside _

Tobin started to sing along louder and strum in accompaniment.

_I know that she knows that I’m not fond of asking_  
_True or false, it may be  
_ _But, she’s still out to get me. _

By the time the song ended, both Tobin and Alex were grinning from ear to ear.

Christen clapped wildly and exclaimed “Beautiful!” Tobin felt warm inside, a warmth she had missed without the music at hand. She felt lighter and more settled.

“Tobin! I knew you were good from the small bit I saw and everything Chrissy's said, but that was really great! You hit those harmonies perfectly. Hey, I’m playing a show down at one of the coffee shops in Santa Monica on Saturday. It’s really not a big deal, it’s mostly just going to be me and Chrissy’s friends there. Still, do you want to play with me? We sound great together. Plus, the three of us would get a chance to hang out more to rehearse.

“I—uh…” Tobin made eye contact with Christen who nodded vigorously.

Tobin _was_ feeling much better in the moment. Having a guitar in her arms for the first time in a few days grounded her.

“Yeah, sure, it’ll be fun.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hereby absolve my beta reader of the contents of this chapter. In particular, I absolve her of my use of the word choice, Christen's family being willing to tolerate Alex, and everything I ever wrote or will write about music.


End file.
